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Chapter 1


When nothing is going right
I always try to go left;
I think of every if and every but
but still somehow- I'm not enough.

I'm not talking about all aspects of life
because my education is going great
my career path is smooth
but the idea of love? That's something I hate.

And I say that not because of what love brings
but because of what takes away from it
Jealousy. Pain. Confusion.
I don't know how to deal with that despite my wit.

And I can form connections, I know how to do that
but for the life of me- I can't seem to keep them
because if my walls are up- then I just push until I'm alone
and if I'm open, then people don't like what I become.

And I don't know what's wrong with me
For I'm pretty aware of my flaws
and I know my strengths relatively well
but as much as I'm assured that it's not me- it's them- I can't help but think I'm the cause.

Because maybe- maybe I'm just not enough
Maybe I'm not meant for love
and maybe I'm the type of person that should be alone to reach my goals
because then I know what it's like- and I can see a perspective from above.

That must be the reason
I must be unlovable because of not being enough
for anyone- for myself
I mean- what else could be the cause when I'm still going left?


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