I cant tell anyone

I don't know what to do. I'm trapped inside a prison and I can't escape. A prison of my own reflection. Half of me smiles lightly on the outside, while the rest of me is being torn apart from within. Crying when I'm alone, laughing when with friends. Showing no emotion around my family, and now they think that something's wrong with me.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
I almost don't know who I am anymore. Living this double life is too much. Everyone thinks I'm someone that I'm not.

Chapter 1

I don't know why I'm even writing this.

by: Lawli_pop
I stare at the floor with emotionless eyes. I can't feel anything anymore. I have been broken down so many times, I'm not sure I know what real love is. I think about you all the time. I think about them. About you.
But I can't tell anyone.
I hide behind a mask every day. One that's happy and joyful all the time. A fake smile that I put on. Ever since the night I told you how I felt... And you said you love someone else. Every night that I'm scared to move. Knowing someone might come in my room.
But I can't tell anyone.
I'm acting like a person I will never be. I just wasn't born that way. But it's what everyone else wants me to be. I know who I am, and I'll never change.
But I can't tell anyone.
I have done things I knew were wrong. I have done things to myself that would hurt if anyone ever found out. I've been leading a double life. I love you, but I can never let anyone know. I have fallen for the one person in the whole world that I should never have. I'm not normal. I'm not straight. I'm not who they think I am.
But I can't tell anyone.
I've been torn apart by someone nearly every day. Physically and mentally. I've been pushed beyond my limits.
But I can't tell anyone.
I've been forced to do things I've only ever written about before now. I've been hurt by countless people who only wanted me for what I have. My life is hanging by a loose thread that one person could pull at any moment. I hide all this from my family. From my friends. From everyone. I pretend I'm fine and show no emotion whatsoever. Everyone just thinks I'm crazy and weird.
Because I can't tell anyone.
I can't trust anyone. Not even you. I have to hide everything from everyone.
What I did was wrong. What you made me do. But I did because I love you. What you did to me that night broke me forever. This is why I cannot feel.
But I can't tell anyone.
I need someone who won't pretend to love me. I need someone who wants more than just my body. I want someone who cares about me for who I am. Who won't act like they care and then turn on me. Who won't invite their friends over and suddenly decide that I'm that night's entertainment.
I just want to be loved for who I am. I'm tired of pretending and hiding. I'm affraid. I'm alone. That dark-haired boy named Leo. The red marks on his wrist and the bite mark on his neck because of you. No one sees him curled up in the corner. No one knows he's there but no one cares. The part of me I try to keep inside anyways.
But I can't tell anyone.
Why?
You told me not to.

2 Comments

© 2019 Polarity Technologies
X
X

Invite Next Author

Write a short message (optional)

or via Email

Enter Quibblo Username

X

Report This Content