The Pit

.....

Chapter 1

Poem

I'll tell myself everything is okay
and I'll tell myself that I understand
but beneath the surface to my words of reassurance
there's a pit where I can no longer stand,
because in that pit there's this trap
that immobilizes every spec of strength I own
by feeding me insecurities
just for the purpose of making me feel all alone.

So because of the hole filled with little anxieties
I yearn to be someone who matters
where I can become a first choice
instead of one that is there to be the one who flatters,
but instead of doing anything to cease those moments of doubt
I build them by pondering over the little monsters
as if I'm trying to make sense on why I feel like others see me as replaceable
because maybe- maybe it will give me answers.

In the end though, it doesn't do a damn helpful thing
since all it does is dangle me over the strings of sanity
where the mumbled phrases of "I understand" or "It's okay" come out
because that's what feels like is wanted by all of humanity.

However, even though I murmur those phrases
it really isn't okay,
--
and I don't understand
making me have all these questions that I wish wouldn't stay.

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