parts of me that are not mine

Chapter 1


parts of me that are not mine

cracking knuckles

the belief that i am not enough

the words i write
the way i walk
my lipstick

my fear

the noises i made for him
the hate i had for no one at all
the useless anger
the competition against myself

hiding in bathroom stalls

pretending not to see her
scratching my arms with needles

dirty clothes

pulling at the skin on my arms
the skin on my legs
the skin on my chest
the skin on my stomach
the skin on my waist
the skin i wear that doesn’t belong to me anymore

falling asleep with all the lights on
running from the dark when i turn off the lights
not looking into mirrors at night

making sure my shoes are tied equally tight
checking to make sure the door is closed
touching my face to make sure it is smooth

lying in bed with with three pillows at all times
checking the clock and dividing the time
counting and recounting the tiles on the floor

pulling out strands of my hair
sleeping in class
leaving my homework unfinished for weeks

cheating at board games
cheating on tests

granola and yogurt

stealing money from my sisters wallet
drinking the things i find in the basement closet

standing against the wall in an empty room
never climbing to high on ladders

creating stories and people and then forgetting them for years
creating friends and memories who then forget me

swedish fish
dog eared book pages

night time

faking emotions

being alone

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