Power of Pain (Original Group Story)

When I got home, he was gone, to a funeral. It's funny, but I'd never realized before quite how empty that house felt. And empty it was… I threw my bag on the couch in the living room and turned into the kitchen. There was the Mason jar in a hidden drawer under the table with what that man had called "my living allowances": cash. Around $400 worth for three and a half weeks; I vaguely wonder if there's a rent or electricity bill coming up. I open the fridge to look for some sort of dinner, and find it empty save a mostly-empty bottle of catsup, a battery, and a half-pound bag of flour. I let the door swing shut with a heavy sigh.

Great, grocery shopping…

I had to get out. The darkness of a lonely place is, im afraid, my weakness. I grab my bag, and stuff the Mason jar inside it, next to my notebook and keys. As I pulled on my coat and look around the dimly lit living room, I hate myself for a minute. I look back on these past few days, and think about what ive done. I think about the children I've hurt, and the pure bliss I felt while doing it…

Am I a monster? I wonder to myself. I cant tell anymore…

I leave the house, locking the door out of pure habit, and turn towards the street zipping my hoodie up to the top against the chill that im not too sure actually exists, and pulling up the hood to obscure my face. I walk down the street towards the heart of town, and try not to glance over my shoulder every two seconds. Its still around 6 o'clock in the afternoon, so as I make my way into the grocery store I pass lots of nice families and their kids. Kids that I hurt… my cruel mind reminds me. One little girl, i tentatively assume to be around age 5 or 6, is rubbing her arms and looking around at the floor and walls every few seconds and clutching to her father's coat sleeve like she's expecting something to crawl out at her. For some reason this little girl looks familiar to me, so I stop and stare for a second. Then I notice her.

*Oh. Its that girl from school… that crazy smart girl… london? Oh im so bad with names. This is sad… *I think to myself as I grab one of the carts and let myself fall into the droning habit of an old chore. The woman walking with london glares back at me, and then at her daughter, who is frowning at the floor and pretending she isn’t upset.

Does she always look that young? I wonder distantly. I thought back to earlier that morning, when London and rita had pulled off getting what we needed for the next step from the principal. I had been standing just behind Autumn when she had gotten the papers and keys from them.


She held the keys in the air and laughed, "see this," she had said, "this is our ticket to power. The school was the next step… are you ready to find out what's next?"


I had been right there. I remembered, as fuzzy as my memory is, London had stood taller at that moment. She was looking at autumn with pride, and her fear of being left out dissipated. that I could never forget.

I glanced up from the loaves of bread that I was inspecting, and caught London's mother glaring at me again. The orange colors of loathing something because you fear the consequences seeped from her skin like oil on water. I looked into her eyes without fear, without malice, but with pity.

She's afraid I'll take her daughter away… I can see it in her eyes. Should I help her? Should I take this away? I wondered, not sure what the "correct" thing to do was. I glanced at London, and held her eyes for a moment.

Should i?

Unable to decide for myself, I pull out my phone and type a text to autumn.

Sry to bother, is it ok if I help london's mother?

I stare at the screen till it read 'message sent'.

I turn away, and grab a loaf of bread. I look down into the basket, and frown. After a while, time blurs and before I know it I have almost everything I need. I turn my basket towards the fruit, and grab mangoes, bananas, and apples. When I turn back to my basket with a bag of two roma tomatoes in my hand, I find London standing there, glancing over her shoulder.

"gavan, what are you doing here?" she whispered up at me. I frown, and gesture blandly with my tomatoes. My phone buzzes, and I pull it out of my pocket to glance down at it.

Its autumn.

"food?" I said unhelpfully and frown at my feet

Just do it quickly. Meet me in the park in 10 minutes.

"listen im sorry your mother hurt you. " I mutter as an after thought, "and im sorry about the kid ok? I know its no excuse, but.. well, im sorry." There is a three second pause before she answers.

"who says that she hur– " she started defensively.

" im going to try to help you okay? It may suck for a while, but itll get better. I promise." I glanced over my shoulder, "Just … you better go now, before she sees you." I say, cutting her off. She frowns at me, looking conflicted, and scuttles off. I wait for her to go for a second, and put my tomatoes in my cart. I glance back, and London's mother is glaring down her nose at me in utter disdain. ive seen that look. That look that hurts…

"you're nothing. Less than a piece of trash, less than mud on the bottom of my shoe…" it says.

I hate that look. I stare right into her face, and push my senses outwards. Fury burns in my head, and my eyes see the colors of pain that she has inflicted on others, unwittingly and carelessly. The colors of green and blue that come from saying hurtful things innocently, as if no one will get hurt; as if words cant hurt.

I decided to play a trick on her. I decided to put the pain she inflicts on people on her own heart, as she says them.

I make the move, and then vaguely wonder if London will be mad at me later.

I pause for a second, wondering when I lost control of "right" and "wrong".

I pushed my cart past one last isle, grabbed the rest of what I needed for the next two weeks, and made my way to go, glad I lived down the block from the park.

I pass London on my way out of the store. She glances at me, then the floor. Her mother doesn’t notice.

it will be a long night to come for both of you, if that issue doesn’t work out…

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Ten minutes later, I'm sitting under a tree near the entrance for the park.

"I've got a job for you," she says, sitting down next to me.