My guide to Success

hell yeah its about time i gave you losers advice

Chapter 1

shut up and frikken LISTEN

by: 68687
Okay, I'm getting sick of all of you lonely loserly loners complaining about how ugly you are and all that bullcrap. I was once like that, but now since I am the new girl, everyone is hitting me and stuff. I'm very popular at the current moment. I don't really frikken care either way.

Buuut, because I am irritated at your stupid frikken complaining, I am going to be a good jesus person and help you f*kers out.

now pay ATTENTION THIS SHlT IS GONNA HELP YOUR FAT ASSS OUT.

First of all, you gotta treat yourself. Are you tired and bored? Take your laptop, take a chair, put the laptop on the chair, bring it with you into the bathroom, take a bath and watch a movie on your laptop as you pamper your lonely asss.

Before that you're gonna look up natural remedies for nice skin and all that stuff and make it and use it. Then you're gonna watch your favourite movie on the internet or whatever and lie back and relax.

After that bath you are gonna go to the mirror and say 'I'm awesome' over and over until you sound like APH Prussia (look up his voice on youtube). Then, wait until you are alone in your house or whatever and run around the house naked, I don't care if it's 'immoral' or whatever the heckie deckie you are saying, but you are going to RUN around the house NAKED and let your fat asss be free in the way humans were supposed to be.

Then, you're gonna put on your favourite sweater and some underwear and take that frikken laptop and watch vines for ten hours. Then you know what bastard? You are gonna fake your confidence. Go to school or work and be OBNOXIOUS. Be LOUD. Be ARROGANT. Be like APH Prussia basically or me.

YOU ARE GONNA FAKE THAT CONFIDENCE UNTIL IT BECOMES REAL MOTHERF/KERS AND THEN YOU ARE GONNA MAKE IT REAL YOU LONELY LONER YOU ARE GONNA IGNORE WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU AND FRIKKEN LAUGH IT OFF BE LIKE ME YOU KNOW WHAT JUST LAUGH AT EVERYTHING. GRANDMOTHER DIED? LAUGH AT HER FUNERAL SO YOU DON'T SHOW WEAKNESS. SHOWING YOUR WEAKNESS WILL MAKE YOU WEAK, BUT IT'S ALRIGHT TO DO IT SOMETIMES. DON'T CRY OVER SOMEONE CALLING YOU DUMB CALL THEM A BASTARD RIGHT IN THEIR STUPID UGLY FACE BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH YOU AREN'T AS AWESOME AS I AM YOU ARE BLOODY WELL TRYING TO BE AND THAT'S GOOD. DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT? GET OFF YOUR STUPID LAZY FAT ASSS AND WORK THE HELL OUT. YOU THINK YOU'RE DUMB? READ A FRIKKEN TEXTBOOK OR GO THROUGH THOUSANDS OF WIKIPEDIA PAGES YOU LAZY ARSEHOLE. YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH? CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO FRIKKEN DO SOMETHING AMAZING AND THEN WE'LL SEE WHO ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH. YOU THINK YOU'RE UGLY? GO OUT AND BUY AS MUCH MAKEUP AS YOU NEED AND PAMPER YOUR FACE UNTIL YOU THINK YOU AREN'T UGLY. YOU THINK NO ONE LIKES YOU? DEVELOP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR AND TALK TO PEOPLE. YOU'RE SCARED OF TALKING TO PEOPLE? THAT'S OKAY, IT'S SOCIAL ANXIETY. I HAD IT ONCE TOO. NOW ALL YOU GOTTA TO IS JUST GRIN WIDELY OR LAUGH ALOUD IN PUBLIC AND NOT GIVE TWO SH/TS IF ANYONE HEARS YOU LAUGH BE FUNNY, LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS. YOU WANT YOUR CRUSH TO LIKE YOU? CALL THEM DORKS IN A FUN WAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO PLEASE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. YOU JUST GOTTA IMPRESS THEM WITH YOUR AWESOMENESS AND THAT IS THAT. YIPPY KAI YAY MOTHERF/KER YOU ARE GONNA WORK ON YOURSELF UNTIL YOU THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. ARE YOU MADE FUN OF BECAUSE YOU'RE GAY OR SOMETHING? 'oh thats so gay' YOU ARE GONNA GO UP TO THAT BASTARD AND PUNCH THEM RIGHT IN THEIR STUPID FACE. ARE YOU MADE FUN OF BECAUSE OF YOUR RACE? SWEAR AT THEM IN YOUR NATIVE LANGUAGE OR CALL THEM RACIST THINGS BACK. DO PEOPLE CALL YOU A SKANK OR WHORE? TELL THEM RIGHT TO THEIR FACE TO GO BUY A THONG AND GET LAID BECAUSE THOSE F/KERS CAN F/K WITH YOU. YOU FEEL?

now that that is done with you better do as i frikken say. YOU ARE THE ONE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU ARE GONNA CHANGE IT NO MATTER WHAT YOU ASSS

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