To My Friend -Short Story-

Chapter 1


My dear friend,
I'm sorry that this has to be the last goodbye. I'm sorry I couldn't be the one to save you, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I'm sorry for all the times I burdened you and accused you of not caring.
Forgive me for my selfishness, forgive me for my existence.

I don't see the point anymore. Why get jealous over things that I can't have? Why get mad over things I can't change? Why exist in a world I don't matter? Did I matter to you? Did I exist in your world? I feel as though I'm the background character, the one standing in front of you in line at the cafe, I'm there, but do I matter? You won't remember me, do I exist?

This may seem like nonsense, but what does make sense? Why do we live this life? Why are certain ways of living forced upon us? Why do people feel? Why do we exist? Some have a found an answer they're content with, but why can't we all live with that answer?
I have many 'What Ifs,' and 'Whys,' to be asked. But, I don't think I really want to know.

I don't feel like I've reached any closure. What will become of my childhood friends, what will become of you, what about the crying girl I passed on the street, has she reached any resolve? And what of myself? Who am I? A broken idea of what society has forced me to be?
I am absolutely nothing.
The world is so much bigger than the two of us.
And I am absolutely nothing.
I can't stress that enough. That's all I am.
Absolutely nothing.

I don't want to waste my life trying to fix myself, learning to feel again, to love, to watch a miserable life pass me by. I want to be go and be remembered as young and beautiful. Or, not to be remembered at all. Afterall, I am absolutely nothing.

I feel as though I should say, you've never hurt me. I used you as a way to hurt myself. Someone to blame it one. I'm done with that, however. I will end this pain myself.

My dear friend, where do I even begin? How do I share my feelings, my experiences, my thoughts, how do I tell you everything I want to say? I really don't a thing.
But, words are cheap and quiet, actions are meaningful and loud. I'll end my goodbyes without a word, but with the sound of a trigger being pulled.


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