Pippin's Cellphone (A Lord of the Rings parody)

So I was a LOTRcon and I watched all the extended edition movies, and I thought up this little parody story about Pippin calling his girlfriend on his journey. This is a work of parody and Pippin actually has no cellphone. Probably.

Chapter 1

The Fellowship of the Ring-tone

Voicemail starts

Pippin: Hi Diamond, I was out with Merry... um... gardening... when we met Frodo and Sam. They're going on an adventure, and we're going with them! So I might not be home for a few days. Call me when you get this!

Voicemail ends

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Voicemail starts

Pippin: Hi, again, Diamond. I'm at Bree right now and I just wanted to let you know... this might take a bit longer than I expected.

Voicemail ends

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Voicemail starts

Pippin: Diamond? You're not answering your phone anymore. My phone ran out of battery but I found a charger at Rivendell. Diamond, there are elves here! Well, it's an elf city so of course there are elves here, but still- can you believe it? Elves!

Oh, and Diamond? I might not be home for a while. I sort of... joined a Fellowship. You wouldn't understand. Bye!

Voicemail ends

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Voicemail starts

Pippin: Hey Diamond, do you remember Gandalf? And the fireworks? Well, he came with us and fell into shadow today. Bummer. Merry and I started crying. It's awful, and now Merry's worried about Essie. Is she all right? I sure hope you're okay. Bye, Diamond!

Voicemail ends

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Voicemail starts

Diamond: Hey Pip, it's Diamond. I left my phone at Estella's house after tea and she says you've been sending her strange voice mails. What's this about an adventure?? Why can't I go??? Where are you?? Oh Pippin, please tell me!

Voicemail ends

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Call starts

Diamond: Pippin!

Pippin: Diamond!

Diamond: Gosh, Pip, I haven't heard your voice in so long. What going on??

Pippin: Actually, you disturbed me in the middle of a well earned nap, after a hard day's work.

Diamond: You've never had a hard day's work.

Pippin: Point taken. We're in Lothlorien now.

Diamond: More elves?

Pippin: Yes, how did you know?

Diamond: You've got to be smart to make it in this world. Oh sorry, that was mean.

Pippin: I don't get it.

Diamond: ... Of course you don't. Well, it was great talking to you. Please come home soon. I miss you like a year without pipeweed.

Pippin: And I do miss pipeweed. Wait, when did you get into my personal stores-

Diamond: Bye Pip!

Call ends

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Voicemail starts

Diamond: Hi, this is Diamond. Pippin, call me back when you get this. How are Frodo and Sam? You haven't even mentioned why you're on a quest. Please tell me. Call me soon!

Voicemail ends

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Call starts

Pippin: Hi Diamond! burps

Diamond: Pippin?

Pippin: Sorry, lembas problems.

Diamond: Okay...

Pippin: Guess what? I got a new dagger!

Diamond: You had an old dagger?

Pippin: Well, no. But the elves gave it to me! It's very nice.

Diamond: smiles Well, a proper warrior has a name for his blade. What will you call it?

Pippin: Easy. I'll call it Diamond.

Diamond: Thanks, Pippin. I miss you.

Pippin: See you soon!

Call ends

Diamond: I hope.

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Voicemail starts

Pippin: whispering Diamond, I have to be very quiet. Merry and I have been taken by Uruk-hai. Boromir died protecting us. Please don't call me, they can't know I've got a correspondent. Wow, that was a big word, wasn't it? Anyway, I'll call you as soon as we get out. I just know we will. Don't worry.

Voicemail ends

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