Rant Book

Rant Book

So. I'm going to try to keep up on this and update it at least every few days.

Chapter 1

The iPad Rant

March 18
Last night, I was forced to deal with and listen to another one of my father’s angry rants while hiding in my bedroom and trying hard to focus on my homework.
This latest rant was on the subject of the school’s iPad program; he absolutely refuses to understand or go beyond his narrow-minded, flawed view that in this program, there is no room for doing anything but exactly what Apple wants us to do, that there’s no room for anything but obedience and compliance and giving up our money to a mega-corporation. News flash: not true. Yes, I do know that Apple is an obnoxiously wealthy and greedy corporation and I don’t like them either. But do I hate my iPad and wish I didn’t have it due to who made it? Do I insult this whole generation for being “stupid”? Do I think the iPad is a vessel for evil? No.
Without that iPad, I would be failing more classes than I already am, and because there are things it’s capable of that my computer isn’t, I would be much farther behind in the curriculum.
For someone who technically has a mental illness, meaning depression, the ability to keep in contact with real, genuine friends -- people who don’t rant about, judge, insult, and look down their noses at me or the things I find useful or pleasing -- is a critical part of not spiraling into madness. Those few people, whom I’ve known for three years now, keep me from falling back into a suicidal yet apathetic void. And I wouldn’t be able to talk to them if I didn’t have my iPad (as I had not yet gotten their phone numbers and lacked a way to get those numbers without Internet). I would have been completely cut off from them for months. Months.
He will not allow himself to understand how helpful and useful the iPads actually are because, on some hidden subconscious level, he knows that a lot of what he says is full of crap.
My closest friend, the girl who I feel understands me and understands depression the most, said, “He should know your school is really lucky to be able to afford iPads. I know mine can’t and kids are constantly getting hurt by trying to carry as many textbooks as we get around school.” I can’t begin to express how right she is and how wrong he is. Approximately ten minutes into his rant, overheard from my room, I heard something about money.
Everything is about the money with him. He needs to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, to think about how, yes, I am lucky. My school is lucky. And this is Maine, which certainly isn’t among the wealthier states.
I’d say I can be fairly pessimistic. Often I’ll focus on the negative side of things just so I can gripe about it. But since I have an actual conscience, I feel bad about ignoring the good things -- especially good things that the school is trying to do for its students. And of course, no one likes to feel bad about anything, so I’ve been looking on the positive side more and more. This is just one example of that; school is so damn difficult for a depressed and mentally exhausted person who has a rather foul temper to begin with. And then the administration gives them something that helps so much, that gives them more ways and opportunities to do well academically and to stay talking to people who actually care about them and won’t judge them for being depressed. That’s a bad, greedy, cruel thing? Really? Really?
Perhaps I’d understand his close-minded views if I went to a school full of bratty rich kids who don’t need things like iPads or computers, who don’t comprehend or appreciate their value, because they feel entitled to everything. But I don’t go to a school like that and I’m not a rich kid.
I’m someone who has the capacity and the common sense to shut up and be grateful.
I can’t wait to get out of this house.


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