The Grammar Witch and the Candor Take on "Unpredicted"
This isnâ€™t the worst fanfic, as far as fanfics go but we still think itâ€™s pretty bad. (Pretty bad? That's generous. I was gonna call it awful.) Well compared to â€œMy Immortalâ€, â€œLovestruckâ€, and that Eragon one itâ€™s literary genius. (True.)
As always Jackie is in the () and I am without them.
Chapter 5: Triton and Apollo know know what?- (Whether or not coconuts migrate?)
I went to meet with my hunters last night in a forest. Well duh, you usually hunt in a forest. I mean unless you want to hunt an alligator or something then itâ€™s a swamp or a kiwi bird--which is poaching and cruel because they are adorable-- and then itâ€™s in the plains of New Zealand or- (Now, Emily, youâ€™ve already had your rant for this fanfic. No one wants to hear about poaching.) I wanted to stay with them longer but I had to go back to Olympus first thing in the morning. So before g (oing, I sent my hunters to Camp Half-Blood. Before leaving, my lieutenant, Thalia Grace approached me, â€œLady Artemis, if you donâ€™t mind me askingâ€¦â€ I gestured for her to go on, â€œDid anything happen at Olympus?â€ Yes. Zeus threw a couple thunder bolts, Aphrodite applied lipstick, Hermes taunted Apolloâ€™s sacred cowsâ€¦ loads of things happened! [Oh my gosh, Aphrodite just applied lipstick. The world is now going to end, Em, because things just got too real.]
I looked at her intently, â€œA lot of things happen there. Why are you asking me that?â€
She smiled at me and replied, â€œThere is something about your eyes, milady. Thatâ€™s all.â€
â€œI suggest you pack your things, and prepare to depart rather than looking at my eyes.â€ (Well, where is she supposed to look? Should Thalia just wear a blindfold around you, then?) I told her, she just smiled and nodded. After that, I left them to go on their own to Camp Half-Blood, then I teleported to Olympus.
I appeared at the door of my palace. I slowly took in my surroundings (But itâ€™s your houseâ€¦ You should be fairly used to the surroundings by now.) before I decided to go walk around. When I was about to begin,my idiot brother stopped me [Actually, Apollo is quite multitalented. From an unbiased, non-twin point of view].
â€œGood morning, my little sister.â€ he greeted, I turned to face him and there it was again-- his serious face. (This could be a horror movie. Seriously. Disembodied faces keep appearing and sometimes people are grabbing them and putting them on--- ugh.)
â€œWhy are you so serious so suddenly?â€ [Iâ€™m so always so serious. So much that some people so think that I am so crazy, so they stay so far away from me. Youâ€™re so welcome.] I asked a little concerned.
â€œAm I?â€ he asked back, then shuddered. And in response, I just rolled my eyes at him. He then asked me a question I never thought heâ€™d ask, â€œEver thought about getting married? Or finding a love interest?â€
â€œWhat?â€ I responded. He of all living things should know that I despise men and would never think about things like that! What has gotten into him? [Better question Artemis, what has gotten into you that has made him ask you that? Think about it, think about itâ€¦]
â€œJust asking, no need to be outraged.â€ Can she be shocked, angry, surprised, or all of the above then? He said, calming me down. [Wait, honestly guys. If you were actually angry or â€˜outragedâ€™ and someone told you that thereâ€™s no need to be feeling those things, are they calming you down? Really?] Now, I know something was up. Apollo was never like this.
â€œApollo, I know something is happening that you donâ€™t want to tell me. So now, Iâ€™m going to leave you to let you think about those.â€ (Uh, Artemis, you donâ€™t say the stuff in Italics out loud. Those are stage directions. Just do that action and donâ€™t read it like a line.) Theatre Kid Problem #123. (Hey, weâ€™re not all that dumb!) Debatable. (Brat.) [This is what best friends are all about. All the love.] And with that, I walked away from him.
I found myself walking to the throne room. There I saw someone muttering to himself looking intently at a paper as if his life depended on it. (Sounds like Emily and PowerSchool during exam week.) I canâ€™t even argue with that. I couldnâ€™t see the face so I walked closer and closer. It was Perseus.
The moment I saw him, I couldnâ€™t help but remember what happened last night. Ooooh, did you drink and then get knocked up? [Cue dramatic music] But I quickly shrugged it off. I made my way to him, and then he mumbled something. â€œSomething unexpected this way comes! is going to happen today!â€
Curious, I went closer and asked, â€œAnd what would that be?â€, when he heard me, he stiffened. Hmmm, what could it be?
The following morning, Poseidon asked me to go to Olympus immediately. He didnâ€™t say why but I think I know, it was probably because Amphitrite was getting uncomfortable being in the same place as her husbandâ€™s son from another woman. Well, I donâ€™t blame her. Poseidon was staying behind, he asked me to go an ahead which I didnâ€™t object. I guess he might be staying to talk with Amphitrite. Percy sounds like a girl. Ew.
So I teleported to Olympus, when I got there the place looked the same: peaceful, quiet, and beautiful. Thanks for that play-by-play
"Ah Percy, back so early?" I know that voice. So I turned around and greeted her back, "Good morning, Aphrodite."
She flashed me a smile that made me really uneasy. It was one of those I-know-your-secret smiles. She seemed to have noticed that I noticed it, "I saw it." She said. I didn't really quite get it.
"Saw what?" I asked her. I honestly didn't have any idea what she was talking about.
She smirked at me, "You and Artemisâ€¦" she then leaned in to my ear and whispered, *"hugging." The horror! Jackie, I think Iâ€™m going to faint itâ€™s so ghastly. (Insert screaming) [That emphasis on hugging gave me cold shivers in the worst way. I regret attempting to comment on this story.]The moment she said those words, I felt a sudden wave of heat cover my face. I have to think of something quick because if this goes around, I'll be in big trouble for touching a MAIDEN GODDESS. Finally figured that one out, huh Perce?
"I don't know what you're talking about. We never hugged; we just trained and chatted for a while." I lied. [As if a Greek God/Goddess canâ€™t see through lies. Especially lies about love to the goddess of love. Sweetheart was always wise in this story.]
She giggled at me, "Oh, of course not!" she replied sarcastically, I didnâ€™t know she had the brains for sarcasm "If I were you, Percy, I'd lay my hands off of Artemis. You might be the first god she'll turn into an animalâ€¦ unless," she looked like she was day dreaming. So her normal expression?
"Why would I hit on Artemis? Everyone knows that she's off limits to any mortal or immortal. *(But what about the undead? They technically donâ€™t fit into either category. I got it! Weâ€™ll set up Artemis with a mysterious, hot, brooding zombie, write a trilogy that weâ€™ll stretch out into four three-hour movies, and make millions! Yzma cackles Itâ€™s brilliant, brilliant, brillllliant!) Me gusta!*
And what do you mean by "unless"?"
She eyed me, "You ARE Orion's half-brother, are you not?"
I shook my head, "I do not understand (Why you are suddenly opposed to contractions?)â€ [Gotta keep â€˜em on their toes and try everything, obviously...]
Aphrodite was about to open her mouth when someone joined in, "Stop poisoning Percy's mind." (Yeah, doesnâ€™t Aphrodite know sheâ€™s toxic?) We both turned to our sides to see who it was, "Hermes," we both greeted and Hermes smiled back in return. He informed Aphrodite that Ares was looking for her, after hearing it she quickly teleported away without saying anything. So I thought: Do Ares ever get mad at her? *(Um, shouldnâ€™t you be asking whether or not Hephaestus ever gets mad at her? You know, the god sheâ€™s actually married to?)
Think, think, think, think, and think, thinking, thinking, thinking, [I donâ€™t think you got that point across. Once more for good measure?] hissed George and Martha. Snakes shouldnâ€™t think, itâ€™s highly disturbing. Who knows what those slippery fiends could be scheming...
"They're right, Percy. You're awfully deep in thought." Percy can THINK?! Hermes said, "Still about Orionâ€¦ or Artemis?"
I turned to face Hermes shocked. "N-no! Of course not." I stuttered and lied. Percy is a better liar than this, come on. It was true, I have been thinking a little about Artemis.Or the entire storyâ€¦
"Whatever you say, oh and here," he handed me a blue envelope with my name printed in front, "a message from your brother Triton."
"Triton? Why would he send me a message?" He just shuddered Yes, the blue envelope of doom. Another movie we can make Jackie! But then again it sounds like a Howlerâ€¦(Honestly I saw â€œblue envelopeâ€ and immediately thought of Doctor Who) "I better get going Percy. I still have a lot to deliver." He then vanished. I then looked at the blue envelope in my hands. Why would he send a message to me? I cautiously opened the envelope and took the folded paper inside it. I was really curios about what it contains, so I immediately opened it. It raid:
Remember what I said last night? (Nope. He was drunk. Dionysus had a little shindig on Olympus last night.) OHMIGOD THIS DRUCK COMMENT! (Druck? Seems like youâ€™re a little intoxicated yourself.) Eh, I might have had a little vodka last nightâ€¦. (Now, readers, let this be a warning to you: never drink and write. But if you do, send us the results at Grammar Witch/Candor, Incorporated in Sarcasmville, Cynicismland)*
I was disappointed. But what should I expect from Triton? (Seven daughters?) I intently looked at the paper in my hands. He told me a lot of things last night. "Which one?" I mumbled under my breath. Me thinking about someone, me finding love, and something unexpected is to happen today. Then it clicked.
"Something unexpected is going to happen today!" I mumbled. Took you long enough brainless.
"And what would that be?" I stiffened. I slowly looked up to see who said it. When I saw who it was, I was able to breathe again. "Gods, Artemis! You frightened me!" Awww, does little goddy need his blankey? wow, did it come out wrong. She was looking at me with mouth agape.
"I-I'm sorry, Artemis. I didn't mean it that way." I quickly apologized.
She was still looking at me with her beautiful silver eyes. That actually sounds a bit intimidating. After a while, she just nodded and asked me again about what I said and the paper I was holding. I didn't see any reason to not tell Artemis so I told her everything.
"What happens everyday is always unexpected, Perseus." She told me after I told her my story. After that, awkward air filled us. Then I remembered last night.I guess I have to apologize about that. (Because hugging is now a mortal sin.)
"Artemis," I began. She looked at me and asked me to go on, "I'm sorry about suddenly hugging you last night. Please don't turn me into an animal. (Oh, please do. Em, do you think Disney will sue if Artemis creates Percy the Platypus?) Possibly, and I would get a good laugh out of it so itâ€™s a win-win...for me at least. "I pleaded.
And for the first time since I met her, she smiled. "It's okay. But may I ask why you did it?". And then, I couldn't say anything. Now, now Percy. Iâ€™m sure you can be cleverer than that.
When Perseus apologized about suddenly hugging me last night, I couldn't help but smile. He looked so terrified about the thought of me turning him into an animal and he did look sincere.
"It's okay." I assured him, "But may I ask why you did it?". I have to admit that if anyone had done that to me, I would've turned them to an animal right away, I guess, maybe the reason why I didn't do that to him was probably because I felt a connection. I know that it sounded crazy but he reminded me of Orion, maybe because they're half-brothers. (Artemis is apparently unfamiliar with the concept of siblings. Odd, because sheâ€™s a twin.)
Perseus took a while to answer, when he was about to open his mouth, he stared blankly behind me. I turned to see what it was. I saw Apollo talking to himself going to the garden.
"I didn't know that Apollo is that crazy." Perseus said, then after a while, we saw who he was talking to. "Triton," we both said in unison.
We looked at each other and had a silent agreement: we have to follow them. It was odd that Apollo would be talking to Triton since neither of them are close friends to each other.
"I guess I'll explain later," Perseus said. "for now, we have to know what's going on." And with that, he took my hand and pulled me to a run after the two. Perseus is lucky that we needed to follow someone because if not I would have been outraged about him taking my hand.
When we caught up to them, we hid behind the bushes eyebrow wiggle, and I asked Perseus to let go of my hand. "Sorry," he whispered blushing. We then listened intently to what Apollo and Triton were talking about.
"You've been seeing it, too, haven't you?" Apollo asked. (I spy something green!) I spy something red! Oh look- CHRISTMAS!
"Yes. Very clearly. We can't stop it." (And we canâ€™t stopâ€¦ and we wonâ€™t stop!) Triton replied
"I know that. But I don't know if Percy is or will be worthy for her, and as for Artemis' situationâ€¦ I don't think Artemis is ready for things like that."
"You've seen his improvements.( Well, looks like Percy has been shopping at Loweâ€™s.) I don't want to admit it but he's gotten so powerful in a short time. What more now that he's a god? He's already worthy enough. As for Artemis, she can take care of herself. She doesn't need dictation. This time you can not interfere anymore."
"That was different!"
"He was worthy yet you denied him! You're being selfish. You have to learn to let Artemis go."
"You're right." Apollo surrendered ashamed.
"I better get going. They might need me back at the palace. It was nice talking to you, Apollo."
"Goodbye." Triton then vanished. *(Can any of these characters do anything unless they do it â€œthenâ€? Percy then acted girly. Artemis then broke all the canon rules-) and mythology rules (by then dating Percy. Artemis and Percy then infuriated every single logical fanperson who actually reads by then getting married. They then proceeded to give these readers aneurysms by then having two perfect godly children, who then became the divine entities of irrationality and nonsense, respectively.)
Apollo seemed to have felt our presence, and he was coming our way! Without thinking about it, I took Perseus hand and teleported us away.
But questions still remain: What were they talking about, and what does it have to do with Perseus and I?"
That's chapter 5! Hmmm, the questions have not yet been answered and two more are added. What were Apollo and Triton talking about? And what does it have to do with Percy and Artemis? Do you know the answer? What do you think? Tell me about them! Or you can tell us, since youâ€™re the author.