Ivory's Mildly Offensive Book Of Rants

Warning: Contains a fair amount of uncensored coarse language.
Chapter 1: Fake people on the internet
Chapter 2: Internet dating (links to first chapter)
Chapter 3: Understanding people
Chapter 4: Labelling, stereotypes, and judging
Chapter 5: Christianity and religious people
Chapter 6: Accepting compliments
Chapter 7: Quibblo spam and crap creations (thanks, Emily!)

Chapter 2

Internet dating (links to first chapter)

Internet dating – a big problem in our Internet community that, in my opinion, just needs to stop. Yes, many of you would have heaps of comebacks to me on this one. “But I found my girlfriend on the Internet and we talk all the time!” or “I just found a boyfriend on the Internet and he’s so hot!” and “I’ve got a huge crush on this guy that I met online, he’s so hot and gorgeous and nice!” Er, no. Sure, many of you who seem to find what you call “true love” on the Internet may be happy at what you have gotten yourself. You start to get huge hopes and dreams of meeting and marrying them and finding your happily-ever-after. Most of the time, though, it doesn’t happen.

First of all, we are separated by screens. When we’re on the Internet – this is the way our brains function psychologically – we tend to be more accepting and trusting than in real life. Which means that a hip-sounding username and a hot picture is enough to make us temporarily get a crush on a person. But you have to know that, honestly, you don’t know what they’re like in real life. They might pretend to be really nice to you – complimenting you on your looks, your hair, the way you speak, the way you dress, etcetera. They might say romantic things to you that make you weak in the knees. But who can’t do those things? For all I know, I can go create a new account on Quibblo right now, and find a picture of a superhot guy off the Internet, and pretend that’s me. I can make you a bet that in less than a couple of minutes, a bunch of girls would have sent me friend requests and messages. And, if I can do these things, then who can guarantee that a creepy 60-year-old stalker can’t? Or maybe a 45-year-old pervert and serial rapist? Or a 52-year-old scary paedophile who sends nude pictures through Webcam? A username and a profile image is all that’s needed to separate lies from reality. Honestly, who can’t do that?

If the chances that the hot girl or guy you’re dating on the Internet might be a creepy perverted stalker doesn’t put you off online dating, then here’s the second reason. You do not know what the person’s true intentions are. Sure, let’s just ignore the fact that they could be just about anyone, and focus on the things with even higher possibility rates. Most girls or guys who want attention will come up here with a fake picture and a message like, “I’m 18 and I’m superhot, hit me up if you wanna talk. Oh, and I’m single.” Just by those two sentences, you can easily tell that even if you do end up online dating them, they cannot be trusted. Usually, people like them are what we call ‘typical online fakes’. They use fake pictures for attention. And while you’re ‘hitting them up’ and happily chatting and flirting with them… a million other people are. Honestly, the people who do these things are slùts and mȧnẉhores. The whole point of them coming onto a site, getting a fake picture, and writing suggestive messages on their bio wall are because they want a whole bunch of guys or girls – whichever they’re interested in – to drool over them. And you don’t know what your online boyfriend and girlfriend is like to others. They might be having an “online affair” with somebody else they met on a different website… or they may even be dating somebody in real life. Again, people who you meet online can never be trusted. They can be anybody. Look around you – I believe that many, actually, most people you meet online in some point would be lying to you on at least one aspect about themselves. Name, age, profile picture, or whether they’re single or not… face it, liars are all around us, whether you like it or not.

I will make my third point clearer than the rest, and even if you don’t want to hear this, you have to. Okay, so say that all of the above points don’t apply to you. You met a nice guy or girl online, you really like them, and they actually like you back. They’re not lying to you about anything at all – not their name, their age, their appearance, or anything. This is very, very rare. First of all, most people who look for online boyfriends or girlfriends will be either perverts, liars, or stalkers. But say you met that one person in a million who happens not to have any bad intentions whatsoever. So you like them, and they like you back. You’ve been dating steadily on the Internet. Maybe for a couple of months – but it actually is a long time when you’re on the Internet only. You think you’re in love, and you reject all the love opportunities in real life for this one particular person that you met on the Internet, and you can safely call them your lover… and possibly your future fiancé.

Guess what, fantasy has to stop. Every dream ends in the morning when you wake up. Internet dating barely ever works out. Unless you’re on a professional dating websites where discussions are monitored and perverts can never break in, then it’s more than likely that your online relationship isn’t going to last. Or, if it does, you will find that you’re gradually getting bored of it, and that you talk less and less, until one day you realize that both of you have moved on.

Look, if you’re dating someone on the Internet, and you want to meet them in real life, then you need to get a grip, and fast, before you end up hurting yourself. This person you’re in love with could be on the other side of the world. They could be in another country altogether, or another city, or another state. They may not turn out the way you imagined them to be – because most online dating originates from fantasy and not reality. It’s nearly impossible for you to actually meet in real life and begin dating in real life – and even if you do, then they just may not turn out how they seem on the Internet. Likes fashion designing, loves the colour purple, animal lover, and collects soft toys. Once you hear that description, what comes to your mind? A cool, cute girl with wavy brown hair and dancing blue eyes, who loves to smile a lot and wears a gorgeous purple designer top? Maybe a pretty girl with shiny blonde hair and sparkling green eyes, who is holding a kitten with a purple collar? But for all we know, they are fantasy images created in your head, and not the real person. Face it, they could look like this: http://facebookcraze.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/ugly_girl_profile_pic_for_facebook_rape.jpg

So pretend that they do turn out the way you like – and if this happens, you should be on the Guinness World Records for Most Successful Online Date in History. But who knows whether or not they have a boyfriend or girlfriend in real life? And if you expect to marry them, then there are a whole lot of other issues facing you. Yes, you may think you know everything there is to know about them. But, like I said, people are much more accepting online than they are in real life. If you do marry them, and you live with them for a while, you may realize that they’re just not the way they were on the Internet. You know nothing about what they are like in real life.

But, basically, most people won’t even get to that stage. Most people think they’re in love, talk and go all romantic for a couple of weeks, and then get bored of it and basically get over it. Then they find a new online boyfriend or girlfriend, and they repeat the whole process all over again.

Before you fall for someone online, think carefully. If you really love them, then it’s okay. Don’t go any further than that. Don’t expect anything more than that to happen, otherwise you’d be heading for heartbreak. And what for? An online stranger who you barely know, anyway.

All while this online dating is happening, you could be missing out on real, long-lasting life back in the real world down here. Online dating practically never lasts. In the meanwhile, in real life, there is bound to be one person who likes you for who you are, not just a portrayed fantasy image they have of you online. And do you want to spend the best moments of your life, tied up with somebody who will eventually forget about you anyway? If I were you, I wouldn’t do that.

And if you’re one of the people looking for online love, forget it. More than 85.55% of the people you meet online are liars, cheaters, perverts, paedophiles and stalkers. Why not go for someone nice, friendly, one that you know in real life that can never let you down? That’s a better option.

Final message? Quit the online dating habit. Find some real-life love.

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