Ivory's Mildly Offensive Book Of Rants
Warning: Contains a fair amount of uncensored coarse language.
Chapter 1: Fake people on the internet
Chapter 2: Internet dating (links to first chapter)
Chapter 3: Understanding people
Chapter 4: Labelling, stereotypes, and judging
Chapter 5: Christianity and religious people
Chapter 6: Accepting compliments
Chapter 7: Quibblo spam and crap creations (thanks, Emily!)
Fake people on the internet
Sure, this does not include the users on here who use photos of celebrities or other famous people or models as their profile picture. If you just really like that picture, then itâ€™s fine. Just do not claim that itâ€™s you, otherwise there would be no difference between you and a fake liar. Honestly, I was skimming through random Quibblo profiles the other day, and I found about forty or fifty fake profiles on here, and I estimate that thereâ€™s even more. I know for sure that five of them are currently active, and even until this day theyâ€™re lying to us about their identity and appearance. And all of them were pretending that the photo was of them, thus getting comments about how cute, pretty and beautiful they were. And them, being fake attention-getters, would comment stuff like â€œNo, Iâ€™m ugly! Iâ€™m not pretty at all â€“ donâ€™t say that!â€ What a load of bullshit.
Honestly, you do not understand how much this offends me personally. First off, you are lying to everyone. Not just to yourself, but to all the wonderful, lovely and kind people who believed you and commented things about your fake model being beautiful â€“ as well as actually thinking that it was a photo of you. Whenever I think to this point, I get extremely pissed. Saying that a famous model, celebrity, or just a Tumblr picture of a pretty girl or handsome boy is you, is just about the worst thing you can do on a social networking website. There are heaps of evidence I can offer.
For those of you who have or have once had a fake profile picture â€“ not to mention how much you disappoint me and everyone around you â€“ think about the model or picture that you have used. Usually, the so-called naturally beautiful models are Photoshopped, airbrushed, have slimmed-down faces and enlarged eyesâ€¦ after they get a professional make-up job. And that is not something that a normal person can achieve. Itâ€™s different if youâ€™re a professional model, but if youâ€™re not, and chances are that you wonâ€™t be, then you donâ€™t know how many peopleâ€™s self-esteem you are ruining. By thinking that it is you, people think that itâ€™s how an average sixteen-year-old girl should be looking. Therefore, without them even realizing it, they would start to compare it to themselves, and for what? Pressure from an absolutely disgusting fake liar anyway.
And then thereâ€™s the point of putting one up. I mean, lying to thousands of people who view your profile, just for a couple of comments saying â€œyouâ€™re prettyâ€. Bullshit, bullshit, more bullshit. Can your mind get even more twisted and shitty? There is no need to put up a fake picture for attention. Everybody is unique and special in their own way, and different people have different perspectives on what is beautiful and what is not. Putting up a fake picture for attention is completely pointless, and does nothing but prove to everyone that you are a fake, insecure liar. I mean, if you donâ€™t want to put up your own picture, donâ€™t put one up at all! And if you choose a profile picture of a pretty girl, the only reason why you should be having it is because you like the picture. Otherwise, if you are using it to pretend that itâ€™s you, then you need to get a life.
The fake people who say theyâ€™re single. For fÃ¹ckâ€™s sake, if you see one of those and you actually believe it, then you need a lesson before you go and flirt with some pretty girl or unnaturally hot guy on the Internet who seems just too good to be true. Yeah, they might be a creepy 60-year-old perverted stalker, or some 7-year-old little girl who tries to be cool and sophisticated. You can never doubt these reasons. And usually, somebody who puts this as their about section: â€œIâ€™m 16, single, Iâ€™m superhot, hit me up!â€ Theyâ€™re probably some desperate person who thinks of a relationship as more of a game than a serious thing. And plus, they are probably being hit up by nine or ten guys or girls at the same time, and thatâ€™s what they want â€“ for heaps of guys or girls to give them attention. For what? For a fÃ¹cking fake picture who isnâ€™t even of themselves.
When people look for a fake profile picture they can use â€“ and who knows for what purpose â€“ they would usually type things like â€œhot emo girlâ€ or â€œpretty girl brown hairâ€ or â€œemo boy hairstylesâ€ into online photo uploading websites and programmes such as Pinterest or Flickr or Photobucket, or into the images search section whatever search engine that they use. I usually use Google, so if you use another search engine such as Bing, then you may not understand what Iâ€™m about to say next, but itâ€™s still good if you can listen and maybe try it out. So they go and type it in, and good old Google spits out a bunch of images that they can choose from to fake themselves as.
Most of the results who come up will be of models. Some commonly faked models are Anna Faith, Dakota Rose, Brookelle Bones, and many other â€˜scene queensâ€™ and â€˜site modelsâ€™ who are unnaturally beautiful. Then all they have to do is to download the picture to their computer and upload it as their profile picture, and five seconds later, guys and girls from all around the Internet will message them, asking for their Snapchat or Skype or phone number, and whether or not theyâ€™d be interested in â€˜meeting up at a certain placeâ€™ or â€˜spending the night together sometimeâ€™.
Not to mention how slÃ¹tty they are, most of them would actually be flirting with many different guys or girls at one time. And usually, these profiles are the ones on Myspace and Facebook with the most clicks â€“ and even on Quibblo, too! There are several fake profiles active currently, like I have said before, and I can safely say that at least one out of two of every single person who reads this would have fallen for their fake act, while the truth is that theyâ€™re hiding behind their computer screens, pleased with their utterly shallow selves about how much attention theyâ€™re getting. So you think that nobody knows about it? So you think that you can go on pretending and being a fake slÃ¹tty Internet bÃ¯á¹«ch? Well, guess what, slÃ¹t sister? Youâ€™re wrong â€“ way wrong.
The easiest and fastest way to discover a fake person, is by using the reverse image search on Google images. Download the suspected profile picture to your computer, go on Google images, and click on the little camera button on the right side of the search bar. Then, upload your suspected profile picture to Google images, and plenty of Internet results should come up if the suspected person is actually a fake. In most circumstances, the first suspects always tend to be fake. There are a few exceptions, of course. I believe that there will be many naturally, truly beautiful and handsome users here on Quibblo, and theyâ€™re the ones who should be getting the attention and the nice comments instead of those dim-witted fake slÃ¹ts and mÈ§náº‰hores.
Also, most unnaturally beautiful or handsome profile pictures are likely to be fake. You know that girl you were talking to who had exotic rainbow highlights in her hair and wearing a lot of flawless makeup, and the best designer clothes? Oh, and she looks as if she has been Photoshopped, and she looks like sheâ€™s posing for a model shot. Guess what, chances are that you just talked to one of the said fake slÃ¹ts. Oh, wow, you were talking to a super-hot guy last night? He has absolutely amazing hair and a gorgeous face, and he claims that he works out eight hours every day? Did you also say that the photo seemed like a professionally taken shot, not like one of the selfies that we take daily? Uh-huh, sounds like youâ€™ve been talking all night to a fake mÈ§náº‰hore.
Last of all, everyone may be beautiful, but I can say that none of us real guys and girls can be the match for a fake model. The reason? Models are fake themselves. They get professional make-up jobs, they are Photoshopped, airbrushed, the effects are enhanced, and they are made to look ten or twenty times more perfect than they originally look. A completely average-looking person â€“ like you or me â€“ after going through the model process, can be made to look like a real model. So compare an enhanced, Photoshopped model shot to a random, no filter selfie that we took. See the difference? Itâ€™s impossible to reach that effect â€“ if youâ€™re not a model. All of the said above information can confirm that if you look carefully, you can tell real beauty apart from a fake áº‰hore.
This rant also links to the next rant I am going to write, which is about Internet dating.