HP jokes

HP jokes

Just a funnier side of harry potter

Chapter 1

funny harry potter jokes

by: anviange
I will not skip to the headmaster's office singing 'we're off to see the wizard' ... lol

"I will not make jokes about Lupin and 'his time of the month'"

Knock knock.
Whos there?
You know.
You know who?
He's dead, you can say his name now.

How many deatheaters does it take to light up a wand?
One, but you'll have to find one with a hand.

How many snape's does it take to light up a wand?

The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".

If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm. (luv this one)

House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as "Kitchen Stadium".

I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight.

The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.

Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".

Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.

When I get sent to the headmasters office, I will Not sing 'We're off to see the wizard!'

how many slytherins does it take to screw a light bulb
5. 1 to screw the light bulb and 4 to say with their fathers connection at the ministry they could screw it faster

Whats snapes boggart?
and he was like what?
And i said " A cauldron full of Shampoo!"

.-Knock, knock
-Who's there?
-Cornelius who?
-Well, that's politics for you.........

Why did Potter cross the road.
No reason, but someone will write a book about it.

Why did Draco cross the road?
So he could swing his hips at Potter.

Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?
Draco did.

Why did the Dark Lord cross the road?
Because Potter couldn't stop him.

Why did Death Eaters cross the road?
The Dark Lord ordered it.

Why did Trevor cross the road?
To get away from Longbottom.

Why did Dumbledore cross the road?
He was following the poisoned lemon drops.

Why did Professor Snape stand in the road?
So no one could tell what side he was on.

Why do Slytherins cross the road twice?
Because they are doublecrossers.

How many Purebloods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What's a lightbulb?

How many witches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, the Wizarding World doesn't use lightbulbs.

How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.

How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. It is the only thing they are good for.

How many aurors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The Dark Lord already killed the ones with that kind of know-how.


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