Dork Diaries: Book 1

All rights go to Dork Diaries and Rachel Renee Russel.

New school. New crush. New mean girl. New diary, so Nikki can spill all about it.

Chapter 1

Saturday, August 31

Sometimes I wonder if my mom is BRAIN DEAD. Then there are days when I know she is. Like today. The drama started this morning when I casually asked if she would buy me one of those cool iPhones that do almost everything. I considered it a necessity of life, second only to maybe oxygen. What better way to clinch a spot in the CCP (cute cool and popular) group at my new private school, Westchester Country Day, then by dazzling them with a wicked new mobile phone. Last year it seemed I was the ONLY student in my ENTIRE middle school who didn't have one. So I bought an older, used phone super-cheap on eBay. It was bigger than what I wanted, but I figured I couldn't go wrong for the clearance price of only $12.99.

I put my phone in my locker and spread the whole word that everyone could now call me with all the JUICY gossip on my NEW telephone! Then I counted down the minutes before my social life started heating up. I got really nervous when two of the CCP girls came walking down the hall in my direction chatting on their mobile phones. They came over to my locker and started acting super-friendly. Then they invited me to sit with them at lunch and I was like "Um . . . OK." But deep down inside I was jumping up and down and doing my Snoopy "Happy dance." Then things go really strange. They said they had heard about my new $600 Juicy Couture designer mobile phone and that everyone (meaning the rest of the CCP crew) couldn't wait to see it.

I was about to explain that I had said "juicy gossip on my new phone" NOT "New gossip on my Juicy phone", but I never got a chance because, unfortunately, my telephone started ringing. Very abnormally loudly. I was trying my best to ignore it, but both of the CCP girls were staring at me like "Well, aren't you going to answer it?" Obviously I didn't want to answer it because I had a really bad feeling they were going to be a little disappointed when they actyally saw my phone. So I just stood there praying it would stop ringing, but it didn't. And pretty soon everyone in the hallway were staring at me too. Eventually I just snatched open my locker and answered the phone. Mainly, to stop that AWFUL ringing.

I was like "Hello? Um . . . sorry, wrong number." And when I turned around, both of the CCP girls were running down the halls screaming "Make it go away! Make it go away!" I guessed it probably meant they DIDN'T want me to sit with them at lunch anymore, which really sucked. The most important lesson I learned last year was that having a CRUDDY phone - or NONE at all - can totally RUIN your social life. While hordes of celebrity party girls regularly FORGET to wear undies, not a single one would be caught dead without her mobile phone. Which was why I was nagging my mom about me an iPhone. I've tried saving up my own money to buy one, but it was impossible to do. Mainly because I'm an artist and TOTALLY ADDICTED to drawing! Like, if I don't it every day, I'll go NUTZ!

I spend ALL of my cash on sketchbooks, pencils, pens, art camp and other stuff. Hey, I'm so BROKE, I have a milkshake on layaway at McDonald's! Anyway, when mom came home from the mall with a special back to school present for me I was pretty sure I knew what it was. She rambled on and on about how me attending a new private school was going to be a "stressful time of tremendous personal growth" and how my best "coping mechanism" would be to "communicate" my "thoughts and feelings". I was absolutely ECSTATIC because you can communicate with a NEW PHONE! Right?

I kind of zoned out on most of what my mom was saying because I was DAYDREAMING about all of the cool ring tones, music and movies I was going to download. It was going to be LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT! But, after my mom finished her little speech, she smiled, hugged me and handed me a BOOK. I opened it and FRANTICALLY flipped through the pages, figuring that maybe she had hidden my new phone inside. It made perfect sense at the time because all the advertisements said it was the thinnest model on the market.

But slowly it dawned on me that my mom had NOT got me a phone and my so-called present was just a stupid little book! Talk about major HEARTBREAK! Then I noticed that ALL the pages of the book were BLANK. I was like OH. NO. SHE. DIDN'T. My mom had given me two things: a DIARY and irrefutable evidence she IS, in fact CLINICALLY BRAIN DEAD!! Absolutely no one writes their most intimate feelings and deep, dark secrets in a diary anymore! WHY?! Because just one or two people knowing all your BIZ could completely ruin your reputation.

You're supposed to post this kind of juicy stuff online in your BLOG so MILLIONS can read it!!! Only a TOTAL DORK would be caught WRITING in a DIARY!! This is THE worst present I have ever received in my entire life! I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs "Mom, I don't need a STUPID book with 288 BLANK pages!!"

What I NEED is to be able to "communicate" my "thoughts and feelings" to my friends using my very own mobile phone. Wait! Silly me. I keep forgetting. I don't have any friends. YET. But, that could change overnight and I need to be prepared. With a shiny, new phone! In the meantime, I will NOT write in this diary again. NEVER! EVER!!

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