The Grammar Witch and the Candor Take On "My Immortal"

From Jackie and Emily's two part series, our commentary on "My Immortal", because as Jackie puts it, "it's summer and we don't need brain cells". So prepare yourself for 44 Chapters of fun/torture/hilarity/pain.

Here is other part of this package (The Grammar Witch and the Candor Take On "Lovestruck")


Chapter 1

Thanks From Around The World And Oh Anaphora

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!


Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia (Emily, I think this should be on New Zealand’s banned list of names. No one should be allowed to name their child after a mental disorder.) You shouldn’t have to ban a name to know not to name your child that! (You shouldn’t, but people have no common sense.) Raven Way Okay, I get having long names. I know people with them and before I legally changed mine, I had one too. But they are ethnic names. This isn’t. and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name Because babies that aren’t from Disney are totally born with long hair.) (Any questions so far?) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears Genetics don’t work like that. and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here! Guess I’m staying..unfortunately. (Dang it, I know who she is too. Emily, we’re stuck!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fvkcing hottie. EWWW! INCEST! NO! NO! NO! I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. Do you also sparkle? (Not Twilight now! Just when I thought this would be better than Lovestruck…) I have pale white skin. Great, I’m tanning. Though my laptop is on my legs so awkward tanline... I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England (Thanks, Captain Obvious. I kind of got that from the fact that it’s a Harry Potter fanfiction.) It’s in Scotland though! where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen Oh really?). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic I’m pretty sure they sell some “prep” stuff there. I saw Hunger Games merchandise once in there. and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. Never wearing those again then. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. (And today’s literary term, class, is anaphora. Anaphora is when a word or phrase is intentionally repeated to make a point. In this instance, the word black is repeated to the point of it being overused.I will award another five extra credit points to anyone who can come up with a logical reason why the author felt compelled to use the word black so many times.) She’s an untalented Mary Sue! (And Emily gets five extra credit points!) I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining So sleet? so there was no sun Oh really?, which I was very happy about. Still tanning. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! Oh really?

“What’s up Draco?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly. [Facepalm] (Failed attempts at flirting… starring Draco Malfoy. Although I believe that’s more of a Mary Sue thing to do. I thought Draco was supposed to be the jerk?) It’s so OOC!

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. Best line ever.


AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! No. And thanks is how it’s spelled. Or gracias. Or merci. Or yokubonga. Or ačiū. Or grazie. Or dankeschön. Or….

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