The Grammar Witch and the Candor Take On "Lovestruck"

Her Introduction:

Its about Bambi a hogwarts seventh year and Draco. Da short chatpers were enoyng me soz im moving everything over hear!! Bambi goes to Hogwarts: The Disney and JK Rowling Musical!
(Bambi’s going to Hogwarts? Okay, this time the animal rights activists have gone too far!)

Now the (random text here) are Jackie's commentary. The random text here is mine. So Jackie has parentheses. I don't.

Chapter 9

A Sleazy Sword

--k off b---.
chs. (Emily, can you crack a code? I’m trying to figure this one out so I can see what the author was trying to say. Oh, well, I’m sure it’s something really sweet and nice, and not insulting in the least, and that’s no expletives in there, especially not the F- word or the B-word or anything like that.) F-word off b-word. That’s what she said! (You do know I was being sarcastic right?) Um...yes? (So, you didn’t?) I plead to Fifth.

We put on disgishes. I wor a read nd balc corset, wif fishnets and 12inch hi heals. Candi wore a tsghirt wif a floewrr onf it , erry1 ele dressd up lik nijax xcpt 4 lill, he jut ternd in2 a flopwer.

I snexily pikd up da swore d o wanky, it machd my otfit. (So, I’m assuming the sword looks sleazy, too then?) I didn’t need that mental image. (She said it matched her outfit. What does the character wear other than tight, low-cut clothes?)

Tden we wnt 2 c james.

"Hi bamnib!!"he syellid!!!!!!!
"Hi james"i sayd bac
"Porteloo!!"he yeld nd every 1 turned in2 ice scalptires
"o no!' ui yelld *(She’s ice. How is she yelling?) Magic. (You know, for a Harry Potter fanfiction, I’ve seen very little actual magic.)
"hahah"he laffed, laffing"shme bi-th!!!

I cryd as he pushd mk ova. a grabbd da owrd o wanky nd smashd it in2 his heert

GHaha i win" i yelled lahguu ing Sounds like a goat having a seizure.

Then a guy dat licked lik volecemort flew n on a vroomn. Oh that escalated quickly!

It was.................................. The suspense is killing me! Vlldermort!!! 'AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 'i screemd.

VoldrermotrYelled "elli jelli!!" Snicker nd my screeem stooped.

"Shut up!" he sad
i nobbed
"I love u bambiu/ bc u r mi daghtr "he sid Does she have a nose then?

I gosped"Lik no way, u r kiddng, u ltle kidder."
"No joke, i like an ur dad."he sayed bac
"OMFG no way, i havnt had a dad b4."i sgyaed back
"U do now, wanna hug?"he said bak
"Sure"i sad and i hugd him.
"Gud job stopng james Bamnisab,k i fink u just savd da world."he said bck.

It was nice to have a dad. (Oh, you just wait until he starts giving you lectures on dressing like a sleaze and threatening to kill your boyfriend and grounding you and all that stuff. It’s not going to be so nice then.)

Volodermort unfreezed every1 nd sent thm bac 2 da castle nd i follwed dad 2 da fobbiden tree.

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