The Grammar Witch and the Candor Take On "Lovestruck"

Her Introduction:

Its about Bambi a hogwarts seventh year and Draco. Da short chatpers were enoyng me soz im moving everything over hear!! Bambi goes to Hogwarts: The Disney and JK Rowling Musical!
(Bambi’s going to Hogwarts? Okay, this time the animal rights activists have gone too far!)

Now the (random text here) are Jackie's commentary. The random text here is mine. So Jackie has parentheses. I don't.

Chapter 1

The Beginning of Emily and Jackie's loss of IQ Points

Hey!My name is Dabria Kathrine Ashleigh Tucker-Price, but everyone calls me Bambi because of my big green eyes. Bambi had brown eyes, and I’m pretty sure the animal rights activists had a heart attack. I have Long sun kissed golden hair that falls into perfect curls and sun kissed (If I hear the words “sun kissed” one more time…) clear skin and I amslim, but have perfect curves in all of the right places. Right….that never happens. I attend howarts and am in Gryfindore, in my seventh year.I wear MINISKIRTS or shorts everyday and sometimes tight skinny jeans, cool DRESSES, i wear TOPS (Good to know. Thought this fanfiction was going to be R rated there for a minute.), SCARVES, necklaces, HIGH HEELS.I love TARTAN clothes especially dresses n skirts. There’s a uniform hon. I paint my NAILS (Well, I paint my HAMMERS everyday. Beat that.) everyday and wear a little bit of make up, just fondation (Fondation? Like fondant? Well, I guess it’s appropriate since she cakes on the makeup.), blue eyeliner(not alot I dont want to look like a f^king emo), eyeshadow and lipgloss. What’s your definition of “a lot”? Because that’s my definition of the amount of makeup you wear on stage, and ONLY on stage.

Today I am wearing a tight, low cut floral minidress that clung to my body and Black high heels that made my long, slim legs look even longer. Uniform! I can’t even wear a Northface at my school without being yelled at for a uniform infraction! I walked to the Great hall and spotted my goerguos, blonde, frind Candi Alexandra Hayley Smith(A/N:Hayley thats you babe!) at the Slytherine table. But Gryffindors and Slytherins hate each other…

In her first year she got sorted in to the Slytherin house and hates it. The sorting hat wouldn’t do that, it takes your preferences into account. i sat down next 2 her nd got dirty loks from the slytherins, so i puled the finger at was wearing a tight wite tank top and denim booty shorts that she looked uber hot in"I f^king hat it here all th slytherins are bitccy emos! If you did that those “bitccy emos” would inflict harm on you with magic. And I [Emily] would probably assist them. "Candi saied (Saied? Old English gone horribly wrong.) to me"lets move to your table."We stood and were stopped by Draco Malfoy the hottest boy in existence, well for a emo slytherin."Hey girls,"he said sexily"MCR are playing in Hogsmede tonight, I'll meet you here at eight." Let’s take a pause here and look at the wonderful activity of Emily tearing apart faulty logic: Okay so Draco Malfoy, pureblooded snob extraordinaire, who hates muggles and muggle-borns (mudbloods in his words) would totally know about an all muggle band. Because that makes perfect sense. wihout thinkig (What do you mean “without thinking”? This character has actually been thinking throughout this story?) I said"Yes."and Candi gasped.

Candi gasped Didn’t you just say that? and pulled me away from Draco"You can't go to MCR with draca!Hes a stypid emo!And do you even know what mcr is?!!!11' Isn’t she a “stupid Slytherin emo” too?

"Noo!Of corse not, Candi whats MCr?"I assked (Is she turning into a snake now? Assked?) Come on. Draco knows this but you don’t? Logic fails.

"A f^king emo band i f^king hate them!"

"Excuse me, are you guys talking about MCR?I heard Drako wanted to take you."said a stypid emo slytherine called pansy.

"Yeah, why the f^c do you care?"Candi shoted Who gave her a gun?

"Well i thought you might not fit in well with the of the other ppl at the concert, I mean lok at how ur dressed!'pansy said pointing at our cute cloths"I could help if you want." Pansy would hate her because she stole Draco! Not offer a makeover...unless she planned to shave her head and put itching powder in her clothes. Which we all know won’t happen. (Emily, I think you and I need to pick up where Pansy left off and shave Bambi’s head. Plot twist!)

"Fine."I siad bak and then we went into da slytherinies commen roam. And if you are a Gryffindor, this is where you get mugged, unless you do what Harry and Ron did and use Polyjuice potion. (And the Slytherins are okay with this Gryffindor just waltzing into their common room? I think I know less about Harry Potter after reading this fanfiction than I did before.)

Pansy lent us sum clothes (Cool. I have difference clothes.) and i put mine were a skirt that had skulls on it and sum black fishnets wif rips nd sum conberse shoes and a black tank tup wit (Wit?) We make it witty Jackie. MCR on it. I started to puttput (Are we mini golfing now?) mah hare in a messy bun but ponsy stopped me.

"I ned to spray paint it black first!"she said and i gosped.

"You are not painting my hare black!'i yeilied Honey, hare is an animal. Hair is the thing growing out of your head---but wait you are called Bambi so fur might be more appropriate. (Well, of course Bambi doesn’t want Thumper painted black… dye jobs don’t go over well in the forest.)

"fin! (Fin? Like the Latin word for end? The story’s actually ending? Wait…no.) I wil just put in sum streaks."she said bac

By eght I lookd fantastically emo and went to the gret hal to meet draco with Candi, she loked emo as well she was wearing a leather mini dress and red fishnets and concerse shoes with black liggloss and blac hd did her haire black. (I think this story has finally cured me of my Grammar Nazism. I will never complain about a minor spelling mistake again.) This story broke Jackie... Jackie look at this: We is going to the store? Does that bother you? (We is going to the store? Good! I need chocolate ice cream and tissues to get over all the grammatical errors in this story. Oh, no, I am broken!) There could be bad Spanish count your “lucky” stars.

"Thank you Pansy,you are a life saver we would have looked so stypid without you."Candi sasid I think you need a bit more help than Pansy with that, hon.

"I know!We could spell your name with a i so its pansi instead of Pansy."

Pansi Smiled at us"It was no probelm bye!'and she ran off Who would seriously agree to that like that?

""Rite ready to go?I assed candi Oh you’re going to the pharmacy? Pick me up some Advil while you’re at it. (Whoa… hey now. Is it suddenly acceptable to moon people at Hogwarts?)

"Yup!"she said back and we walked sexily into the great hal. This isn’t Mean Girls. (Well, I hope the Great Hal isn’t offended or anything. Jeez, popular girls think they can ram right into the poor guy.)

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