Why I Hate Fifty Shades of Grey

Why I Hate Fifty Shades of Grey

This post is full of hate, loathe and will probably cause arguments. But, oh well, I couldn't care less because I wanna put out my opinion on this 'book'. Feel free to comment and rate! :D

Chapter 1

Fifty Shades of Grey... A published book? (10+1 reasons you shouldn't waste your money on this series!)

by: Natasitsa
Yes, you heard right. I hate Fifty Shades of Grey with such passion that I'm afraid I'll end up liking it. Hah. Not! For the sake of this post, I'll call the series FSOG (its initials). So, here are ten plus one reasons, well-thought and coming right from my heart that prove my overwhelming hate at this series.

1) Bad Writing. From the very first paragraph, it becomes evident that E. L James, the so-called 'author' of these series has no freaking clue about writing. I mean, just read the first paragraph and you'll be like "Wow, looks like someone has a bad hair day. So what? That happens all the time." which will probably be accompagnied by a deep urge to close the book. Some of the fans might say here: "It's just the first paragraph, it's difficult to write." And yes, that's right, I respect that. The problem is that the same goes with the whole book and probably the whole series. Here is a short list of the worst written bits:
A) His voice is low and husky like dark, melted chocolate caramel fudge...or something. (seriously, how can a voice sound like chocolate? And that 'or something' part nearly killed me.)
B) I feel the color of my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of the Communist Manifesto. (Like, seriously, couldn't she think of a better comparison?)
C) The muscles inside the deepest darkest side of me clench in the most delicious fashion. (Yeah...that makes sense.)
D) My insides practically contort with potent, needy, liquid desire. (Is she trying to sound sophisticated here? No comment.)
E) My subcoscious is frantically fanning herself, and my inner godess is swaying and writhing to some primal carnal rythmn. (And unfortunately for us, this is not the first time she's talking about her subconscious and an inner goddess as real people.)

...and the list is endless! I don't think you could find a page that's correct. But this gave you an idea of the quality of writing.

As if this was not enough, Anastacia has an awful tendency of using words like 'wow', 'holy cow', 'jeez', 'holy crap', 'double crap' etc. ALL THE TIME! Seems like the story is written by a five-year old.

Moreover, look at the dialogue! It's so unrealistic, full of flowery academic words that a normal person just wouldn't use in his everyday conversations. (She was using the thesaurus, I'm 100% sure.) Less is more! Simple is better than complicated.

2) Anti-Feministic. Calling the book anti-feministic would be putting it lightly and generalize it too much. It is a totally AWFUL way of portraying women and degrading their place in society. When Christian practically forces Anastacia to do what he wants and she doesn't even ask him to stop, or when he tells her to sign some contract and then forgets about it and she doesn't complain, that shows how she has no confidence or self-dynamism, giving in to whatever people want her to do. Another example is that Ana had no self-esteem before Christian came into her life. It's like he awoke something in her that, before finding a man, she couldn't discover herself. Absolutely anti-feministic. Young girls shouldn't be encouraged to think that they are nothing without a man! That's not how women should be. Submissive, unable to express their opinion. They should be equal to men and independent. Finally, E. L. James decidedly refuses to describe the girl's genital organs (constaly referring to it as 'down there') while she gives lengthy (and boresome) descriptions of the manly, as if the woman traits are forbidden. Hey, we don't live in the 5th century BC or whatever!

3) Wrong portrayal of BDSM. As you may have heard, Ana and Christian are engaged in a BDSM relationship, which is some sort of erotic relationship including submission, bondage and sadomachism. Of course, there is nothing wrong with being in such a relationship. Once both partners agree, get on with it. However, this particular book (I wonder, did the author do any research before writing?) gets so many facts wrong about BDSM that it is often unrealistic. Anyone who wants to have such a relationship is NOT advised to use this book as a guide. I'll give one single example; BDSM actually involves signing a contract before the start so that both partners agree on the terms and conditions and the whole relationship is based on respect to the partner's needs. In the book though, Christian gives her the contract but in the next scene, he 'magically' forget about it ("Screw the paperwork!") and pushes Ana against the wall in an elevator, kissing her! And they end up doing more things, despite not having yet signed the contract. As for the 'respect the partner's needs' thingy, we'll talk about it in the next reason.

4) Abuse. This one is really important. Instead of a healthy BDSM relationship, the one developed between Christian and Ana is widely based on abuse (on Christian's part). Before I go any further, I'll give you this book passage to consider...
Christian: "Oh, Anastasia Steele, did you just roll your eyes at me?"
Anastasia thinking: Crap.
Anastasia: "No!"
Christian: "I think you did. What did I say I'd do to you if you rolled your eyes at me again?"

Think about it. Is that a friendly or caring question? Does it show affection or a willingness to take care of your partner? Except if you blindly want to defend this book by saying it is, you surely know it's NOT. This is called abuse. And it's not the only example throughout the book. Each page is filled with such conversations, where Christian forces Ana to do, say, want and even eat whatever he wants. Abusing and degrading your partner in such malicious ways is not acceptable in any relationship, whether it is BDSM or not. Both partners need to care, support and understand each other. The most annoying part of it is that only Christian abuses Ana, never vice-versa, which again shows how antifeministic and bad-towards-women this book is. (For more on anti-feminism, see number 2.)

A really annoying abusive part is when Christian gets Ana drunk on PURPOSE so that she doesn't think clearly and can be more easily manipulated. Pay attention to this last word... Manipulated. Christians constantly wants to manipulate Ana. Not protect, not love her. Use her.

5) Bad Characterization. We all recognize how difficult it is to create a good character, with pros and cons, desires and fears and relate his actions and words to his personality. However, in FSOG, the characters are ten times worse-made than any other book I've read (it beats Twilight, let's celebrate). First off, Ana is a complete and absolute Mary-Sue. You know, that perfect and flawless character who has so many love interests but she, herself, doesn't think she's that attractive. Ew. Ana is not only liked by Christian but also by José Rodriguez and a hundred other people with ridiculus names I can't remember. Moreover, she's the typical not-so-cool, supposedly unattractive little girl who thinks she'll never be loved by some hot guy etc etc... We all know the story thanks to a certain book series which was published some years before... (Who said I mentioned Twilight?)

She is also really uninteresting. Who cares about a girl whose only 'interesting' trait is biting her lip and being clumsy? (That scene when she walks into the office to give an interview and she falls flat on her face made me die from laughter). Worse still, we soon learn that she has never had an email, although she's 21 years old and no computer skills as simple as typing the key words on google.com! What did E.L James want to show us there? That her character is a book-nerd? Cause she got this totally wrong.

Christian Grey is also a quite carelessly made character. He's an extremely successful CEO of a large company, awarded with millions of business achievements and guess what? He's only 27! Have you ever heard of a so young businessman that has made such immense progress in his career? I don't think so. That's unrealistic. For more info on the blandness of the characters, I advise you to pick up the book and start from page 1.

6) Twilight Fanfiction. For the uninitiated, this book was first written as Twilight fanfiction. That's right; fanfiction. And worse; TWILIGHT fanfiction. I apologize to any Twilight fans here, but how can a fanfiction based on this book be that awesome? We all know about the pointless plot, mediocre characters and bad prose of Twilight and FSOG has many similarities to it. The writing style is about the same, the characters are too much alike (actually, you can find that each FSOG characters can be associated to a Twilight one) and the story elements resemble. E. L. James merely brought the Twilight characters, added a sexy twist, placed the story in a more realistic world and PADAM, POUF! Here is a brand new story... without the word 'brand'.

7) "Why is anyone the way they are? Why do some people like cheese and others hate it? Do you like cheese?" This line. Just this line! Christian philosophising oh-so-deeply about his preferances. And then, the whole 'philosophical' atmosphere is ruined by an irrelevant, meaningless and stupid question. Okay, the point of this is not just to show you how awful this line of dialogue is, but rather for you to see that this book is unpurposefully funny. There are plenty of awful quotes and character actions that are supposed to be full of meaning and depth and beauty but everything ends up being hilarious, without the author even knowing it!

So, if you have nothing better to do and want to laugh your head off (while bearing in mind that your IQ points may reduce significantly), read this book!

8) Inaccuracy. We've already talked about the wrong portrayal of BDSM relationships. However, E.L James's lack of research doesn't stop there. She gets so many facts wrong that you end up feeling betrayed. I'm so sorry to disappoint you but I won't provide you with a list of the inaccurate bits in the book, because of inappropriate content. Remember this though: You will be saved from the ordeal of reading this badly-written, chopped prose and the considerable loss of your faith in humanity.

9) Masquerading. Perhaps the most harmful aspect of this book is that it glamourizes abuse and distorted romance, with the consequence that teenage girls end up having fantasies of someone like Christian Grey coming to 'save' them. Ugh, this is not only unacceptable but also stupid! Tell me, would you want someone to be infatuated with you to the point of forcing food down your throat and stalking you in supermarkets? I mean, Christian even signs his emails like 'Crazy Stalker', is that supposed to be funny or lovely or whatever?

By making Anastasia be attracted to Christian and through all those supposed-to-be romantic descriptions, E.L James tries to convince us that he is the perfect type of man and that only by finding such a man can we be considered alive. (See number 2 for more). The whole thing seems like it came out of the author's teenage dreams and has nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with the real world. Young girls have a false image of how life works and will get disappointed quickly when they see that it's nothing like this book.

10) It's incredibly successful. This shouldn't come out as jealousy, cause I would never ever want to be successful if I wrote a book like this. My image would be totally tarnished and I'd have committed a million sins. No. I want to say that its enormous success makes it even more dangerous. Housewives who have nothing better to do, teenage girls willing to immerse themselves in a romantic world, men whose perverted tastes order them to buy the book, even random people who know nothing about it and just borrow it from a friend... All these form quite a wide percentage of the world. And all these will 'benefit' from the disadvantages I mentioned above.

10+1) HOW THE BLOODY HELL DID THIS CRAP OF A BOOK SURPASS HARRY POTTER IN SALES?! TELL ME HOW! THE MOST SUCCESSFUL, AMAZING, FANTASTIC, GORGEOUS, QUALITY BOOK OF MODERN LITERATURE DESCENDED TO THE SECOND PLACE BECAUSE OF THIS RUBBISH???? NO, AS A DECENT HARRY POTTER FANGIRL, I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS!

The big question remains: How did this book get published? How did it get past editors? Maybe this is the next big world problem we need to solve.

So, yeah, that's the end of the hate-rant. Comment, rate one star, insult and unfriend me but nothing will change my opinion of this book. A final piece of advice from me: If you respect your sanity and want to preserve it, while being safe intellectually and mentally, open whatever book comes handy... except if it is Fifty Shades of Grey.

Thank you! :D


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