Random Chuck Norris Facts

Random facts about Chuck Norris that I found and thought they were funny

Chapter 1

Chuck Norris Facts Part 1

Chuck Norris can build a Snowman out of rain

Chuck Norris once peed in the gas tank of a Semi, that truck is now known as Optimus Prime

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he has never cried

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down

Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his balls, that's because hair doesn't grow on steel

There is no "Ctrl" button on Chuck Norris's computer, Chuck Norris is always in control

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow

Chuck Norris drinks Napalm to quell his heartburn

Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing

In the words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vedi, Veci, Chuck Norris" Translation that mean "I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks you, you'll die. If Chuck Norris misses you, the wind behind that kick will tear out your pancreas

Chuck Norris used '8 x 10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with Beef Jerky

Chuck Norris never wet the bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear

Chuck Norris has never been in a fight. Because a roundhouse-kick to the face isn't a fight

Ozzy Osborne bites the heads off of bats, Chuck Norris bites the head off of Siberian Tigers

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba is the Military code word for "Chuck Norris' Basement"

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you

A Chuck Norris delivered roundhouse-kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states

Guns don't kill Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris kills guns

Chuck Norris has the greatest poker-face of all time. He won the 1983 Poker tournament with only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free card, and a two of spades

Chuck Norris grinds his own coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in 37 seconds

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills, they made him blink

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won

Behind every successful man, is a woman, and behind every dead man is Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table, Because Chuck Norris only recognizes the Element of Surprise

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punch the ground

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom

The US Team did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympic games due to political reason. Chuck Norris killed the whole US team with one roundhouse-kick

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of wood shaving, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol

If Chuck Norris were a Calendar, everyday would be Chucktober and every day he would kick your butt

Chuck Norris uses a night light, not because he's afraid of the dark, it's because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants

Chuck Norris does not own a house, he walks into random houses and people move

Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before crossing the street, he just roundhouses any car that comes too close

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 seconds

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin, it's descendants are now known as giraffes

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter, he roundhouse-kicks the cow and butter comes straight out

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plan by pointing his fingers and yelling the word "Bang"

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar, that bar was instantly destroyed as that one building cannot destroy the much awesomeness

Unknown Medical Fact, Chuck Norris invented the C-section when he roundhosue-kicked his way out of his mother's womb

Chuck Norris is the only person who can deliver a roundhouse-kick through an e-mail

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

Chuck Norris can fire a bullet, and still have time to roundhouse-kick them in the face

Superman's weakness is Kryptonite, Kryptonite's weakness is Chuck Norris

Justin Timberlake's song Sexy Back is really about Chuck Norris

Mr.T once beat Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation Chuck Norris invented racism

When Chuck Norris looks into a mirror, he sees nothing. For there can only be one Chuck Norris

Ghosts sit around the fire and tell Chuck Norris stories

Chuck Norris has been to Mars, That is why there is no life on mars.

They once named a street after Chuck Norris. But they had to close it after too many people died. For no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives

Chuck Norris once had a pet lizard and fish. They are now known today as Godzilla and Jaws

Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a golf ball

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. When he came back they ere just called the Islands

Fear of Chuck Norris is known as logic

Will write more Chuck Norris Facts when I find more


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