Alive. Free. Healthy. Well.

Alive. Free. Healthy. Well.

I am alive. I am free. I am healthy. I am well.

Chapter 1

(Lines with dashes around them are supposed to be crossed out.)

I am alive.
I am free.
I am healthy.
I am well.

No longer stuck on same barriers on ice.
No longer bound to same beliefs.
Still confused;
everyone tells me what to believe,
but I don't believe them.
But that's okay.
I am myself.
Nobody can change me.

Still living with paranoia.
Every night I go to sleep
and worry
I won't see tomorrow.
But that's okay.
It's just a phase.
Soon enough it will pass
and I will be happy again.

I am alive.
I am free.
I am healthy.
I am well.

No longer ignorant.
Opening my eyes up to the world around me.
I feel like I see more than my classmates;
that they, for most part, are inferior to me.
There are one or two, but they are smart.
We are friends.
I like them.

No longer attatched.
Still shy when talking to strangers.
Either I will hate them, or they will hate me.
But that's okay.
If they don't like me, that's their problem.
Not mine.

I am alive.
I am free.
I am healthy.
I am well.

Memory is slowly dying.
Every day, I get to night and realize
I can barely remember the morning.
It helps to go over
what I did in the evening;
analyze the details,
in general review, refresh my memory.
Days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months,
everything is always the same.
There's no point.

I am alive.
I am free.
-I am healthy.-
I am well.

Mind being sucked into computer.
Tumblr and skating consume my life;
whenever I do neither,
everything is stupid.

Reading more.
Reading 1984 by George Orwell.
It's not as if he was completely wrong
in his predicting of modern media.
But he made one small mistake;
the people of Oceania know they are trapped.
The people of America think they are free.

I am alive.
-I am free.-
-I am healthy.-
I am well.

Socializing less.
The little sounds that people make are beginning to really piss me off.
When I do socialize, the background must be silent.
Otherwise, my brain becomes overloaded.

I don't like talking to people.
I always tend to offend someone with my ideas.

Eating habits going down.
Mom made enchiladas for dinner;
didn't eat much,
yet had a whole bowl of vanilla ice cream?
Eating less fruit and vegetables.
Craving only starches, meats, and fats.
Probably why my memory is dying.

I am alive.
-I am free.-
-I am healthy.-
-I am well.-

School is getting harder.
All my subjects still seem rather easy;
but suddenly,
my skills in simple mathematics have declined.
Math has never been my strong point,
but all of the sudden simple problems are impossible.
(I'm always able to solve them later;
my limit seems to be fifteen or so simple problems per sitting though.
This is sad.
They're really easy.

Writing is harder.
Putting my thought into words in general is harder.
My brain is beginning to compose music instead of plot novels.
My speech is mix-matched;
words come flying out of my mouth at random,
like barfing vocabulary on my poor, unfortunate classmates.
Skating is choppy.
Footwork is messy.
Even my music is unoriginal.

Can't interact with people.
or at least I think so.
(Others may disagree, but I really am terrible.)
Antisocial; uninterested in interaction.
I don't like people.
I don't like them because they're scary.
Annoying, but also scary.
I'm annoying though.
Such a hypocrite, I am.

Lying to self.
Telling myself I'm good when I'm not.
A pretentious, narcissistic, idiot jerk.
That is the truth.
And I hate it.

-I am alive.-
-I am free.-
-I am healthy.-
-I am well.-

I am alive.
I am free.
I am healthy.
I am well.

-I am alive.-
-I am free.-
-I am healthy.-
-I am well.-


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