No Place To Go; A Twilight Parody
The Cullen family is broke. But... There is one place they can go...
With laughs, jokes, and some serious bits (but not really). Jasper is... Confused, Edward is a hory vampire, Rosalie is in love with painting her face, Emmett has a bunny costume fetish... And lot's more!
â€œYes?â€ She asked, skipping to his side instantly.
â€œYou blew half of our saving onâ€¦ Shoesâ€¦ Clothesâ€¦ and condoms!!â€ Carlisle scolded, scanning through his bank account history.
â€œOops!â€ Alice giggled, not knowing the seriousness of the situation.
â€œAnd Jasper, so blew 13,000 dollars on cowboy hats!â€
â€œBut I love my hats!!â€ He sobbed, clutching at the pink sparkly hat on his head.
â€œEmmettâ€¦ 9,000,000 on BUNNY COSTUMES!!â€
â€œThatâ€¦ Wasnâ€™t meâ€¦â€ Emmett replied shiftily.
â€œEmmett, youâ€™re not fooling anyone. You have a bunny costume on right now.â€ Alice pointed out.
â€œRosalieâ€¦ 19,000 on face paints?!â€ He yelled.
â€œYes?â€ Rose looked up from reading her magazine, today painted as a cute panda.
â€œEdwardâ€¦ 45,000,000,000 on Japanese Love Pillowsâ€¦ And blow up dollsâ€¦?â€
Eddy shrugged. â€œBella is boring, frigit, and incredibly conflicted about losing her virginity.â€
They heard the door close. Esme was home.
â€œOh no!â€ Esme screamed as she ran into the living room.
â€œWhat is it?â€ Jasper asked, and he stopped riding his imaginary horse.
â€œI have been fired from my boring fake-ass job!â€ She sobbed.
The computer made a ping noise.
â€œYou have mail, you have mailâ€¦â€ The whole Cullen family burst into song.
Carlisle clicked his email.
â€œOh no!â€ He gasped dramatically.
â€œCarly, you already know that those penis enlargement pills donâ€™t workâ€¦â€ Esme told him.
â€œIâ€™ve been fired from my boring fake-ass bitchy job!â€ He wailed.
â€œOh no!â€ Alice screamed.
â€œAnd you creepy ass children blew all our money!â€ Carlisle yelled.
â€œWhat are we going to do?â€ Jasper screamed.
â€œWe have no money to keep the house!â€ Alice yelled again.
â€œWhere will we go?â€ Emmett sobbed into Edwardâ€™s shoes.
â€œWellâ€¦ There is one place we could goâ€¦â€ Edward thought out loud.