Jim X: Personal Review

Yes, it's a review about my own story, Jim X. After I finished writing the whole story, I've been quite proud of my work. However, looking back at it, I feel that my story could have been improved tenfold. But as much as I want to revise Jim X, I don't think I'll have enough time to commit to it, unfortunately. For now, the least I can do is discuss how I would like to edit my story in a way I see fit.

Chapter 1

Reflection: Chapter 1

My story is about a high school boy who finds a secret to attaining supernatural powers. That secrets becomes a ticket to an adventure across various regions both in and out of the world, as he explores hidden treasures, gains new abilities, and faces opponents.
While this adventure story is what I wanted from the start, I've also been running the risk of writing a fantasy so unoriginal--a journey that in a nutshell would almost seem similar to Avatar: The Last Air Bender or some other story. Thus, to maintain originality, I introduced fairly unique settings and characters to develop a story of my own. However, I could have done a much better job overall, because the dialogue, the character personalities, the interactions, and the themes all sounded cliché and short on freedom. More importantly still, is the logic and plot sequence--so many events and character mindsets just seem so unnecessary and sudden.

For starters, my intention was to create a story fit for a video game, where each chapter is a different stage with different missions, features, elements, new characters, and boss battles. But if you ask me, I'm not satisfied with my first chapter as it is right now.
The first chapter, or first stage if you will, is intended to be the "normal"/"non-elemental" stage, the typical start for a protagonist who happens to be an ordinary high-schooler--no superhuman powers, no otherworldly experience, just like you and me--a normal human being. But I digress; the first chapter is not even a stage! It's set at school, but not much happened.
Chapter 1 introduces two main characters: Jim X, whom I just described above, and Axel Lance, a seemingly perfect individual and the kind that guys would envy and girls would fall for. Jim X sees that and also envies Axel a bit--let's stop here for a moment. It already downplays Jim X's character, making him seem inferior to how he should be.
Back to the story now, Axel reveals that his old school had been blown up by would-be main antagonist of the story because he wasn't there to save them. Now he's a new student at Jim X's school. That's just random and cheesy, and it's almost like saying that Axel Lance the Great (and maybe other superstars) must suffer something to become who he is. What was I thinking?
Lastly, Axel drops a sketched map of two important locations. Jim X looks them up in hopes of finding out what secret Axel has, hopefully something that will upgrade who Jim X is. If you read that part, you'd know that Jim X is practically being a follower of Axel, not good. More illogical is that Jim X decides to go to one of those places--Wild Verdant--a hostile forest, alone, as if that's supposed to give him supah powah! -_- What happens next? Chapter 2, which I'll talk about next time.

I'm grateful that I got 15 votes--all 5 stars, but looking back it, I can't say it's worth it. Pardon me for sounding negative, but needless to say, being a critic of my own work would only help me. So that aside, let's get to the positives: How to improve Chapter 1.

Okay so here's what I have in mind:
- Axel Lance would not be a new student, and nor would he have a tragic event in his backstory.
- Jim X and Axel will not have many classes together, so Jim wouldn't pay much mind to Axel until later...
- Jim X will find it strange that Axel goes to the janitor's room way too often. Jim will one day see for himself out of curiosity, that there is nothing in the room other than a door leading to a secret hallway linked to the entire district (i.e. not for janitors at all).
- In the secret hallway, Jim X will find series of surprising features including newspapers regarding Axel Lance as a world hero, a weapon's room, a gym with better supplies, and a cafeteria with better food.
- Jim X will eventually stumble upon a sacred artifact shaped like a glove and labeled "Instrument X" on the pedestal. Impressed by its appearance, he will wear it. But as soon as he does, the glove glows and merges with his right arm (and seemingly vanishes), giving Jim X the ability to warp through space and time and the instant knowledge that he is capable of doing so.
- However, by taking the artifact, a security alarm is triggered all over the district (forcing schools to close and officers to search for the "thief"). To avoid being caught, Jim X freezes time, locates the monitor room, deletes all the camera records, and shuts the monitors down. (I confess, I don't know everything about security cameras so if something I wrote here seems illogical, let me know what a logical solution would be, granted Jim X can freeze time).
- Jim X teleports away and returns home safely, content with his new abilities and curious about what he could do.

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