The Diary of Sister Sarcasm. (Like I want you to read about this chick....)

The Diary of Sister Sarcasm. (Like I want you to read about this chick....)

So erm...in case you haven't got the alarming message.....

Alright this site isn't a dictatorship, a monarchy, or under a communist government. Its basically a direct democracy. (6th grade social studies 101!) If you just so happened to not read the title....the majority of the "participating" Quibblo peeps....wanted to know what this chick does in her time off of Quibblo. OH! A dude named Nyao is also a part in this. You'll find the panda interesting. ;) He does his entries in italics.

Chapter 3

9/30/12 Me and Christopher Columbus are just alike. We both have a sense of adventure. XD

All I did today. Feeding my imagination, curiosity and temptation.

Woke up at 6:30.....miraculously, it only takes me 45 minutes for me to get ready for church. At 8:12, my family group arrives at our Catholic church/Gothic Castle/penatentary/asylum looking place. I arrive there....and I see a Cadillac Escalade in the "New Visitors" designated parking spot. Shit that place hasn't been filled ever since I moved to my church. So I get curious....naturally.

I walk in the prayer house in the courtyard, hoping to be by myself in the 8x4 little structure. However, I open the door, I found a fairly tall man kneeling during prayer. (GAWD I HATE IT WHEN I INTERRUPT SOMEONE IN THERE....) So I awkwardly go, "Oh...my bad. I'm sorry, I'll wait."

But he stands up....turns around. Yeah....he turns around....like a friggin super model or a showoff "hotshit news anchor when their names appear on the botton of the screen. But....dude...if i was taping this, I would be in the bathroom stall, rewinding it all day until the camera explodes.

Quick description of the dude: He's Asian (I later learned he was from Ningbo, China) ....built like a grown male model, about 5'11- 6'1, wide shoulders, kinda buff....deep brown/black eyes (my fave) has tousled and teased hair that's so black it looks blue...and he has a cobalt blue colored streak, framing his GAWGEOUS face.

Fortunately/Unfortunately I ain't never seen him before in my life...so I infer that he was the newcomer. He stares at me blankly let's out a shy reply, "Oh it's fine, (insert some flattering Chinese honorific that I couldn't quite catch let alone spell) you didn't disturb me. I was actually praying for someone to come in there and give me a hand." He kind of laughed...while I kind of peed my pants from overwhelming flawlessness. But I mentally slap and scold myslef, "Kallie! How could you? Dude, he's probably 20something and old enough to be your 28 year old sister's second husband!"
B-B-But....you let me like Grimmy!! And he's 24 and has a chick on his mind other than us! Plus, you're secretly dating a boy band that doesn't even speak the same language as you do, let alone know you exist!

So I giggle and say with a curious tone in my voice, "Hey...it's okay dude. Besides....was I too late too for you? Or was I right on time on coming in here? (Hoping he'd get the dirty joke...but he has an innocent mind)
"Naw you are cool. Besides....I should'nt feel awkward at a worshipping place, should I?"
"Only if you're in South Mexico and the Mayan calender is on the celing....then no."

So we exchange names like you see in them corny cartoons on Saturday mornings. So...his name was Nyao Ngwatinai. I told him my name was Zuleyka Olmeda but call me Kallie! Then he asks me how to get to the youth room in the HUMONGOUS CHURCH.

I go, sounding soooo intelligent, "Why do you need to go there?"
Nyao replies, "Because...I have Sunday School or someother in there, duh."
I'm standing there with my jaw to the floor, Here I was, as positive as a pregnancy test in a local pharmacy in Harlem...thinking that this dude was at LEAST 20, if you're looking at his body structure.
"So...how old are you then?
Nyao: sighs then laughs "14....I know...."Dang, you're huge! I thought you were in your twenties! How tall are you? You're tall for an Asian! How can you possibly be 14?" Yeah..i heard it all in China and L.A."

"That's not bad....how old do you think I am....Nyao?"

looks up from his feet and meets my eyes and stares at my face for what seems like a year or five "17? 18? Something like that...?"

Me: facepalms mentally and takes my Bible and bangs it really hard on my head and mumbles "Noo.....I'll be 14 in November."

Nyao makes a sound that sounds like he coughed up a lung or two. "Huh? Uh uh!"

I smile genuinely and guffawed, "Yep. I guess me and you are on the same page for age looklikes."

So in a span of 5 more hours, I show him around the Gothic Castle a.k.a St. Thomas More Catholic Church. Quick Description: A huge ass place to spend six hours of your life on Sundays to get preached to from a short Eminem wanna be Puerto Rican who's name is a friggin mouthful. The people there are either Hispanic or they're filthy stinking rich enough to burn their money to keep warm. And the Olmeda family? Pshaww...everyone loves us, despite us kind of sticking out. But apparently, we aint the only ones gonna stick out.

Nyao's family introduced themselves before the service. This tickles me....The Ngwatinais are made of the parents....who are now 28 years old...and their only child, Nyao is 14. (Do the math) They came to the U.S a little over a month ago...they flew from Ningbo to Shanghai, to L.A. They lived there for ten days and moved to St. Louis.....they moved to Paducah the 18th. They are trying out churches...but Nyao hasn't enrolled in a school since L.A. so they have to settle in first. The wife is really pretty....and about 7 inches taller than the husband. While the husband shows up in a suit that makes him look like a short, Asian version of Snoop Dogg.

And for Nyao...

During Sunday School....I learned about him a lot. This is what I can remember him saying to me: "I haven't had a girlfriend yet because all the girls back in Ningbo and Shanghai would stereotype me for being so tall and big. They called me an overgrown American Ken doll. Even my favorite 6th year teacher a couple years ago asked me how many times I got retented, or held back. I was so mad at myself. I signed up for basketball and was so good, the coach asked me if America smuggled steroids to me for an enhancement. I know it sounds silly, but I'm really sensitive....and it's one of the major reasons why my parents and I moved to America." Poor dude....he was practically quiet and probably crying on the inside. If I knew him better, I would be hugging him, but we never made physical contact. Anyway, I learned that he plays the piano and violin and knows how to play football. Plus, he likes Kpop too but not SHINee....he likes BigBang, SS501 and 4Minute. He has an obession with skinny jeans and colorful sweaters and muscle shirts. He was born on November 3rd.....and he's for Romney. And I asked him out of the all the school's in the Paducah area...which one would he go to. I explained each one's ups and downs....even my ghetto school.

"Hmmm...either Ballard for the location and colors....or yours." (By the way...he smiled a big toothy and smexy smile when he said that.

"Huh. Why's that Nyao? You'll be sung a parody of the Milkshake song each time a certain group sees you:
"My homework brings all the Asians to the yard
and they're lkike, it's not that hard!" (I made that up BTW...)
He starts cracking up....."I would'nt care. The ghetto people would say that...and ghetto people are funny as long as I don't get dragged up in their "swag". No, Kallie, I would go there because you're going there. I only know you, out of 344,790,098 other people in America besides your parents, Father Sepulveda and some creepy girls that stalked me in L.A."

"That's sweet I guess." I reply as calmly as I can.


So after church....we went back home, plomped my butt down on the couch and think, "Well...I'm bored now." and I grab a bundle of grapes and my laptop. I check Facebook, Quibblo, Tumblr and get my daily dose of music while I work on my story. Then my Dad comes out of NOWHERE and closes my laptop while I'm in the middle of typing a sentence.

"Come on Kallie, let's go for a ride."
"But we ain't got gas!?
"The nearest gas station is down the street. I don't care if we do run out on the way there...cuz I would'nt be pushing because of my bad heart. I would be the one sitting on the roof, smiling and waving like them blonde chicks on them convertibles at parades"
"I hate you Dad. But I gotta love your trolling."
Twenty minutes later, I was walking around downtown, admiring the ornate, old yet modernized houses that make up the Lowertown Arts District. There's a Chinese studio, a local coffeeshop called Etcetera? which I would die for. Later on...we took the truck and went alongside of the river. We wound up where the Executive inn used to be. It was a huge beautiful hotel but it was dilapidated and was considered a "pink elephant". Meaning it took a lot of effort to maintain but it's value and reason wasn't worth it. It was meant (alongside with a planned concert/dock) to make Paducah a legit destination, i.e, Vegas or Manhattan. That worked nicely.

Oh yeah...forgot to tell you stalkers.

I had a sense of adventure today and was exploring the abandoned part of the Convention Center where the Executive Inn used to be. So I'm under there, climbing on rails, stairs that lead to musty doors. I found a garbage bag half buried...I poke at it with a stick, it ripped, then I ripped it open some more.

A half rotted dog says peekaboo at me. I kick the thing into the river and got the heck outta Dodge.

Anyway...I explored the place, despite it giving me the creeps as if a lot of BAD stuff happened there. (Later on I visited an old bunker by a nuclear plant....same kind of vibe but there I was pulled over by a cop, curious of what me and my Dad were doing)

Afterwards, my Dad and I had a sweet tooth. We would go to Etcetera? or Kirchoff's? Bakery to grab something....if we wanted to spend 30 bucks just on a sugar buzz.

So my Dad makes me go in WalMart by myself to go pick up some candy for us. I walk in there, go straight to the books. Being off-task, I immediately pick up the 2013 Guiness World Records Book, feeding my curiosity. Learned that the world's most popular entertainer was George Clooney.....the tallest hairdo was 5 feet tall..etc etc. The this random dude beside me was reading a Ripley's Believe It
or Not books. Just as I was going to put up my book to do my business, he pokes me in the shoulder and says, "Sorry to disturb you ma'am but I thought this was interesting as hell." He opens his book and points to a random Chinese dude in front of a audience of about 80 or 90 people. He goes, "This little pimp wanna be has 67 kids, 29 wives and lives in a four story beach house. He sleeps with 9 of his wives at all times." (Note: he was standing REALLY close to me and I could feel his breath on my face. DX) He closes the book and looks at me, "Now how in the hell would you want to hold that much responsiblity?" and he leaves me, with an awkward silence looming over me.

This is the kind of crap that happens when you're by yourself at Wal-Mart. What's next? A woman drowning in the toilet? A makeout of two guys in the women's bathroom?

Why do these strangers keep on hitting on me?
Ariana: Because they don't know you're insane and you're pretty. ^_^
Hannah: Because they wanna make you think they ain't part of the FBI....or the CIA glances around nervously
Travis: Because they sense the like creeper off of you...just like them.
Dad: Because they wanted to know the time. sarcasm
Mom: Because he wanted a Saturday Night Special...which is out of reach for them, sweety.
Me: BECAUSE I'M SO EFFING GAWGEOUS!!! Naw...it's because I dont look 13 going on 14. Tell me...I look anywhere between 16-21. I attract older guys and sometimes that aint a good thing, hence the weird, short dude with a "Like a Sir" mustache at Wal-Mart.
Prime example: One time I was going out to lunch with my 26 year old brother and his two little sons about....3 months ago. At Tribeca's...a wild waitress appears, and she's busy with plates in her hand and goes, "Oh...Royce! Do you mind giving this lovely couple a booth for me please? I'm fairly busy at the moment"
George (My 26 year old brother): Groans..."She's my sister...."
Me: mental facepalm Thinks: DAFUQ IS DA MATTA WIT CHU?!? Why would I go out with...with...THAT!!?"
Ethan: Daddy, there's a train outside! I'm hungry!
Camden: asleep

So I got home...worked on my story, munched on some Gobstoppers, overdosed on music, texted Ariana, Travis, Hannah and tried to look for Nyao's number but he didn't have a legit one yet. And I was sad.

So from about 6:00 P.M. to 2:00 A.M....I was derping around on Quibblo, working on my story, and listening to music while Ariana begs me to go out with Nyao. I tell her "I would...if my heart doesn't hopelessly belong to Master Gaylord from Guadalajara, the Great Grim Reaper from Zimbabwe, or The Talented Heart-Throbs of South Korea. People like him are WAAAAAAY outta my league. If you seen this dude's face or heard his voice, you would'nt need those glasses on your face, cuz you would go blind and/or go deaf.

So after finishing this....I is goin ta bed.

You have permission to laugh at my life. CUZ I DID TOO!!!

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