The Diary of Sister Sarcasm. (Like I want you to read about this chick....)

The Diary of Sister Sarcasm. (Like I want you to read about this chick....)

So case you haven't got the alarming message.....

Alright this site isn't a dictatorship, a monarchy, or under a communist government. Its basically a direct democracy. (6th grade social studies 101!) If you just so happened to not read the title....the majority of the "participating" Quibblo peeps....wanted to know what this chick does in her time off of Quibblo. OH! A dude named Nyao is also a part in this. You'll find the panda interesting. ;) He does his entries in italics.

Chapter 2

9/29/12. My fuse right now is like this: -- <-----Life size!


Welp......It's official! I'm gonna have to go She-Hulk on somebody today before I have a heart attack or twenty. ANY VOLUNTEERS?? points at people in the audience "You? You? You, pedo Santa?"

Anyway....I went to bed that morning. (Yes....4:34 A.M. is still considered morning) and I fell into one of the weirdest dreams I ever had. And when I say I have a dream, it's not no's some psyhcadelic crap that was formed in my mind. But when I say, "Hey dude, I had the weirdest dream last night!" in advance before your IQ hits a negative just by hearing it. But I'm only exaggerating by .017% so here it is:

I was skydiving in Greece, the Parthenon in sight, a mile below me. Then I prayed for help to save me, and then almost instantly, a diamond erupted from the ground the size of a house....and it had a pair of angelic wings. I fall on it, breaking all the bones in my body, sending an infinite amounts of pain all over me from my toes, to my ears to my hair. I could feel my backbone crack and disintergrate. Then my body dissolves into a golden dust and is carried by the diamond up into space.....when I reached the thermosphere, it was so hot, it melted my powdery self into a golden liquid. Then Zeus was sitting on Venus, sipping some Jack in one hand and a bottle of Bug Juice in the other. He sees me, grabs the diamond, and drinks me as a liquid, mistaking me as ambrosia, the holy drink of the Greek Gods. Then I fall through his esophagus......half a day later, I wake up in a fountain in a Japanese temple with streamers and silly string in my hair and wearing a tutu....and my dog was licking my face.

Then I wake to the sound of a vacuum running in my hallway, giving me fits. I glance at the alarm clock, it told me to get my huge ass up, a.k.a 12:36. I did some kinda of ninja jump out bed and opened my door to find the dryer in the hallway being dissected and vacuumed. was as if a lint atomic bomb exploded in there during WW2 and 100 years worth of lint was collected in there! There were dust particles everywhere....(No Hannah, I din't laugh at them this time...) I found my Dad on one knee with a ShopVac, sucking out the lint from inside the dryer's mechanisms. And it REEKED too! From all that musty lint from the year the house was made....1964?? Anyway, I get a shower, eat breakfast/lunch and then when I come out of the kitchen, Dad tells me to go put my shoes on.
"Why Padre? We goin to Timbuktu? Paris? Rio de Janeiro? Seoul? PLEASE GO TO SEOUL!!!" I call my parents Madre (Mom, Mother) and Padre (Dad, Father)
"Close....we're going downtown and mingle."
Translation: BBQ on the was the last day for the dang event, now let's go blow 50 dollars being ripped off on flavorless meat and munching on heart clogging fried desserts.
Me on the inside: Yes!! I can finally go stalk some people! I was excited because I couldn't make it the night before and both of my crushes were there and I was stuck inside like a friggin little grimlin.

But it turned out.....LOTS OF PEOPLE SHOWED UP....BESIDES THOSE TWO PEOPLE. No...they probably did show up, they were probably just avoiding me or stalking me from in between the bushes. LEMME JOIN YOU! Them: wanna stalk yourself?
Me: HELL YEAH!! I'm the most interesting person in the world other than the ice cream man.
Them: facepalm

So anyway....I was actually planning on mingling with my buddehs...but my Dad was still holding a grudge and decided to force me to stay with him while he STANDS there, talking to EVEEEEERRRYBODY there....half the people I aint never seen before in my life, despite them going, "OOOOHHH!!!! Is this your youngest daughter, Kaylie, is it? Oh it's KALLIE!! Oh...I remember you when you were knee high and when you first learned how to ride a bike!"

And on the oustide: :D "Oh really? That's sweet!"
On the inside: ....WHO DAFUQ ARE YOU?

This one chick used to babysit me back in Puerto Rico.....I swear....bless her ignorant self. She looks up (Yes, she's hitting thirty years old and looks up at me even in stilettos) at me and goes, "Oh my Gosh, Zuleyka (long story about that name), you've grown sooo tall! How tall are you? Do you play basketball?"

Me on the inside: WTF? I ain't got time for this....I AM TOO GROWN!!! (XD)
Me on the outside: shoots her a nasty look then smiles and says in a co*cky ass voice: "Oh my Gosh, Gabriella, you're so short! Do you play mini-golf?"

My Dad and Gabriella are like, ":O :O :O :O KALLIE!"

So basically....I showed my ass for the first hour I was there.

Then came my second? lunch....I just sat at a ghetto picnic table....refusing any food, being practically slapped in the face by flies by the dozens, my Dad's chewing me out without yelling....and there's a really hot Mexican dude that was behind me and unmistakebly reminds me of my heart ripper love for three years......and I still love him, despite what he said. So I'm mentally crying there.

Then in about thirty minutes, I got into a fairly better mood and started stalking thr river....I didn't see barely anybody there that I knew/cared about, despite the amount of people there. Not too long after that, we went home.

From the time I got back home to this very line that I am typing, nothing really much happened.

All I pretty much did is drink four Cokes, ate two apples, listened to Kpop and some BOTDF songs....and get stalked by an Indian again. About a week ago, he asked me where I lived and didn't care where I lived, he wants to come and get to know me. I'M LIKE......falls on the floor, curls into fetal position and sucks on thumb I had a bad bad bad bad history with stalkers......(before this.....some Arabian/Indian girl on Facebook asked me out.....I look at her profile picture....and make up the cruelest/racist insult ever. "BITCH DO I NEED TO USE THAT RED DOT ON YOUR FOREHEAD FOR BETTER AIMING!!!???? I DON'T SWING THAT DIRECTION, HONEY!" And I report/block the chick.) Anyway.....I told him "A live in your friggin closet you creeper" and I ignore it. Then...somehow someway.....he got my number and he texted me, "You live in Paducah, 'Ketuck'? What city?" After throwing my phone at the wall in a fit of creeped outed ness....I picked it back up and replied, "I live in a city you don't live in. That should narrow it down a bit now go board a plane. I'll be Remington will be too." Four hours later during school, he sends me a picture of an International Airport in new Delhi having a plane booked for L.A within the hour. I ignore nerves being on edge....I throw up a little in my mouth. During lunch, he sends me a picture of him inside a plane with one of his Indian friends in First Class seating. I kinda cry a little mentally.

TODAY.......he has the nerve to hit me up asking what kind of hobbies I liked.....I answered, "I'm a top athlete for boxing, one of the best writers in the state (hence my awards in the closet) and Public Enemy Number One for Creepers (implying that he was a creeper)

He was oblivious to my message and said, "Cool. I likes to do basketsballs and I also likes tos do raps." And I ask him, cracking up, "So you think you're the Indian version of Eminem/Nas/Busta Rhymes? Cuz if you are, save me a front row seat for my decoy bomb disguised as Kallie"

He goes, "But I don't think a bomb can be as prittey as you. I can not stay, I has work to do."

I think I died a little on the inside....see? I can see a fraction of my soul flaoting up into Heaven. SEE YOU IN ABOUT 85 YEARS!!!

I swear......these "furriners" have a fetish for Kallies. There's not a lot of Kallies out there and I'm all dusty on the top shelf, nobody can touch me besides Hispanics and some choice Asians. But yet.....these musty and crusty unibrow multi-armed Shiva worshippers like to push the "TRY ME" button on my hand, even though its exclusive shit.

You have permission to laugh.

Skip to Chapter


© 2019 Polarity Technologies

Invite Next Author

Write a short message (optional)

or via Email

Enter Quibblo Username


Report This Content