My Favorite Joker Quotes

My Favorite Joker Quotes

Ya ever dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight?

Chapter 1

I hate Chapter Titles.....

"Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away... forever."

"Ladies and Gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, "Not very well." Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!"

"Anyone seen the big bad Bat yet? I warn you, he may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot!"

“Tell me, Bats. What are you really scared of? Not finding the Commissioner in time? Failing to save this cesspool of a city? Me, in a thong?! [Laughs]”

"Residents of Joker Asylum are all required to follow one simple rule. Failure to follow this rule will be punished by death, no 'ifs', 'ands', or 'buts'. And do you know the best part about the rule? It's a secret!"

"I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled kids!!! Now get me Santa Claus!"

"In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out."

“Do you wanna know how I got these scars? My father was a drinker...and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and he says, "Why so serious?" He comes at me with the knife — "Why so serious?" Sticks the blade in my mouth — "Let's put a smile on that face!" And... Why so serious?”

“Let’s wind the clocks back a year, these cops and lawyers wouldn’t dare cross any of you. I mean, what happened, did your balls drop off? You see a guy like me…”

“If you’re good at something, never do it for free.”

“Well, our operation is small, but there’s a lot of potential for... aggressive expansion. So which of you fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh, and there’s only one spot open right now so were going to have, uh, try outs.”

“Well hello, beautiful. You must be Harvey’s squeeze. And you are beautiful. Ya look nervous! is it the scars? You wanna know how I got ‘em? Come ‘ere, look at me. So I had a wife, and she was beautiful, like you, who tells me that I worry too much, who tells me that I need to smile more, who gambles and gets in deep, with the Sharks. One day they carve her face, and we got no money for surgery. She can’t take it. I just wanna see her smile again. I just want her to know that I don’t care about the scars! So I take a razor blade and do this, to myself. And you know what? she can’t stand the sight of me! She leaves, and now I see the funny side. Now I’m always smiling!”

“Harvey, Harvey, Harvey Dent. Whoop! ‘scuse me, I wanna drive.”

“C’mon, hit me, c’mon, c’mon, I want you to do it, I want you to do it, c’mon, c’mon, do it. HIT ME! C’mon I want you to it c’mon, Hit Me! HIT ME! HIT ME!”

“Do I really look like a guy with a plan?”

“You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?”

“I believe whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you… stranger.”

“Do ya wanna know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the... little emotions. You see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?”

“Joker: A little fight in you! I like that.
Batman: Then you’re gonna love me.”

"Batman: Let her go!
Joker: Very poor choice of words. drops her out the window"

“Chuckles: I'm betting the Joker told you to kill me soon as we loaded the cash.
The Joker: No, no, I kill the bus driver.
Chuckles: Bus driver? What bus driver?
[A school bus drives through the wall and kills Chuckles]”

“You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just… do things.”

"The pen, is truly mightier than the sword!"

"Grissom: That you, sugar bumps? [turns around to see a man]
Grissom: Who the hell are you?
Joker: It's me, Sugar bumps."

“We stop looking for monsters under the bed when we realize they’re inside of us.”

“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That’s how far the world is from where I am. One. Bad. Day.

“I’m not a monster. I’m just ahead of the curve.”

"We'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is."

(When told that he has a 50% chance of living) “Ummm, now we’re talkin.”

“Don’t talk like one of them, you’re not! Even if you’d like to be. To them, you’re just a freak–-like me. They need you right now. When they don’t…they’ll cast you out. Like a leper. See, their morals, their code... it’s a bad joke. They’re dropped at the first sign of trouble. They’re only as good as the world allows them to be. You’ll see, when the chips are down, these... civilized people will eat each other.”

“You won’t kill me because of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won’t kill you because…you’re just too much fun. I get the feeling that you and I are destined to do this forever.”

“This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.”


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