Funny things

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Chapter 1

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You cannot control who walks into your life but you can control which window you throw them out of.

Did you know that someone posted the following on twitter?
I hate it when people pour my cereal
They don't know how much milk i like
They don't know how much cereal i want
They don't know me
They don't know my life
They don't know what i've been through
Me: Well that escalated quickly!

Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places

Inside my head I'm great at flirting but when it comes time for me to accually flirt I'm like BANANA!

That dirty look you give the sidewalk when you turn around after tripping on it

My Mom said "Guess who's doing the dishes?" I hit that souja boy and said "YOOOOOOOUUUUU!"

Didyou know that some guy posted that he liked to sit on his pancakes? so do I it comes natrurally.

1) barely moving
2) Kinda feels like its working
3) ITS GONNA FLY OFF THE CEILING AND KILL SOMEONE IN A FREAK CEILING FAN ACCIDENT!!
The three settings of a ceiling fan.

"Hey Brad do you mind if i ask you a favor?
(Brad BTW) "Sure I do!"
(Other guy)"You STFU and listen to my favor.

Some guy: HOld on lemme me get a pen D$%#&$%!!!! I swear i just had a pen a second ago!!
Pen hiding with 2 other pens: The Dark lord once again thirsts for our life blood! HIDE!! HIDE FORYOUR LIVES!!

Did you know that someone posted on facebook "I never knew someone invented the internet,I thought it was always there like oxygen" (Idiots,Idiots everywhere)

Some people just need a high five......in the face.........with a chair............made of steel

When my names in a math problem
Class: Stares at me
Me: YEah thats right i bought 60 watermelons!

It takes skill to trip on flat surfaces.

When you have a crush on someone
1%Go up and try to talk to them
99% Lurk from a distance and stalk them everyday in school, imagining a relationship with them.

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