State jokes.

So I started out with my state, and the whole time I was going true, true, true, true, true, true. It was funny. So I shall do it here too. So the jokes are called
You know you live in insert state here if you...
Please dont take offence.

Chapter 2

Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisana, Maine

You know your from Georgia when

1. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

2. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is

3. You can properly pronounce Chickamauga, DeKalb, Dahlonega, Smyrna, Buena Vista, Valdosta, Okefenokee, and LaFayette. P.S.
Atlanta = ADD-LANNA, not AT-LANT-A.

4. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

5. Stores don’t have bags or shopping carts, they have sacks and buggies.

6. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit

7. On one side of the road there’s Wal-Mart and on the other is a cotton field.

8. You call it a cold Christmas if you don’t break out in a sweat in your new sweater.

9. When a single snowflake falls, the entire state shuts down, even if it doesn’t stick. The radio and TV news will make snowstorm reports every ten minutes and the grocery store will be completely sold out of bread, milk, bottled water, toilet paper, and adult drinks.

10. You understand that at least once a year your car will turn yellow with pollen.

11. You use “Sir” and “Ma’am” if there’s a remote possibility that the person you’re talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.

12. You love sweet tea, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and all Southern comfort food . . . and Southern comfort.

13. You are 100% Georgian if you have ever had this conversation: “You wanna coke?” “Yeah.” “What kind?” “Dr. Pepper.”

14. You get dressed extra nice TWICE a week . . . once on Sunday morning for church, and once on Friday night for the football game.

15. You use “The Big Chicken” as a basis for all directions

You know you are from Hawaii when

1. You think going to bed at 9 pm is late because, hey, it gets dark at 7.

2. You hear people using "yeah?" the same way Canadians use "ay?".

3. You know what a "gold dust day gecko" is.

4. You wake up at 6 to the sound of birds (mostly doves)... the birds keep at it until the sun goes down.

5. You are glad to see a lizard on your bedroom ceiling.

6. The clerk at the driver's license office acts like she is truly happy to see you.

7. You hear the words "pau", "mahalo", "makai", and "mauka" used in everyday conversation.

8. Nobody is sure exactly where "north" is …

9. Your only suit is a bathing suit.

10. You call everyone older than you, “Auntie” ,”Uncle”

11. You drive barefoot.

12. The condiments at the table are shoyu, ketchup, chili peppeh watah and kim chee.

13. You Know what store has the best prices on SPAM

14. You measure the water for the rice by the knuckle of your index finger

15. You knew what some of the other ones mean.

You know you live in Idaho when

1. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

2. You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

3. A girls' basketball game fills the gym

4. In March your vehicle is 43% mud.

5. Yellow light means "follow the car in front of you no matter what."

6. The elevation exceeds the population.

7. During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids.

8. Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do.

9. You go to the State Fair for your family vacation.

10. Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic.

11. You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway.

12. You know cow pies aren't made of beef

13. Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance salesman.

14. When the magazine mentions in trivia that only one state capital can be written in upside down numbers on a calculator, you get it right the first time: 35108.

15. The closest McDonalds is 45 miles away (or more)

*You know your from Illinois if *

1. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 of more.

2. " Vacation" means going to Six Flags, Wisconsin Dells, or Lake Michigan

3. You drink "pop"

4. You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines"

5. You don't flinch when you pay the fifth toll of your 45-minute car ride on the highway

6. You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car!

7. You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is

8. You laugh at people in other states when they complain it's cold when it's 40 degrees.

9. You've fought with your friends about which team is better: Sox or Cubs

10. You get annoyed when people say Ill-a-noise.

11. You know why Chigaco is the Windy City

12. lawn mowers are on parade

13. You know the difference between corn and soy beans at a glance

14. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction, & It's Hot

15. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to a blue spruce

You know you are from Indiana if

1. Down south to you means Kentucky.

2. You've heard of Euchre, you know how to play Euchre, and you are the master of Euchre.

3. You know what the phrase "Knee-high by the Fourth of July" means

4. You say things like "catty-wumpus" and "kitty-corner".

5. You know that Bailin' wire was the predecessor to duct tape.

6. You know that strangers are the only ones that come to your "front" door.

7. You know that strangers are the only ones that come to your "front" door.

9. You think nothing of it in spring and fall to be stuck behind a farm implement driving on the roads.

10. There is a basketball hoop at every house.

11. You shop at Marsh.

12. "Getting caught by a train" is a legitimate excuse for being late to school.

13. You've been to the Covered Bridge Festival

14. You took backroads to get there - why sit in traffic?

15. To you, a tenderloin is not an expensive cut of beef, but a big, salty, breaded piece of pork served on a bun with pickles.

You know you live in Iowa

1. you live in a beautiful old house with transparent plastic sheeting over the stom windows

2. You have gone trick-or-treating in 2 feet of snow.

3. You "warsh" your clothes

4. You could play "Iowa Bingo" with county road names when traveling from town to town (C65, D15, P36, N19, etc.)

5. You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are.

6. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

7. You've ever been on a "Geode Hunt"

8. You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor.

9. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable

10. You learn your pickup will run without a muffler

11. The only reason you go to Missouri is for fireworks

12. In a conversation you heard someone say "Yah sure you betcha" or "No, I never" or "Not once ever even" and you didn't laugh

13. When someone says they are going out for dinner or supper, you know which meal they are talking about

14. Weather is 90% of your conversation

15. The top 5% of your graduation high school class went to Iowa State -- everyone else attended the U of I

You know your from Kansas if

1. Your closest neighbor is more than a mile away, and you can still see him from your front porch.

2. The radio buttons on a new car are all preset to country.

3. You've never met any celebrities. (Bob Dole isn't a celebrity, he's your neighbor.)

4. Hot water now comes out of both taps

5. Your excuse for being late is the cows got out, and the boss accepts it MANY times

6. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

7. You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

8. Over 50% of your wardrobe is purple.

9. You've been hit by enough tornados to know there is no such thing as Oz

10. You're ready to shoot the next person who asks about Toto or Dorothy

11. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

12. You can properly pronounce Salina, Basehor, Schoenchen, Kechi, Olathe, Chautauqua and Osawatomie.

13. The terms Sooners, Huskers and Missouri Tigers cause the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up straight and your blood pressure to rise

14. You really do think Sunflowers are beautiful.

15. Those strange lights you see at night is a farmer working late in the field – not a UFO.

You know you live in Louisana when

1. You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it.
(also, Thibodaux, Opelousas, Pontchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya)

2. You know all your 3rd cousins names.

3. You don't look twice when you see pink flamingos in yards of upscale subdivisions during Mardi Gras.

4. You save newspapers, not for recycling, but for tablecloths at crawfish boils.

5. You take a bite of five-alarm chili and reach for the Tabasco.

6. Your tante Izetta calls to say that she has time to pass by but she can't get down, and that makes sense to you.

7. You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.

8. You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm.

9. You eat dinner out and spend the entire meal talking about all the other good places you've eaten.

10. You greet people with:
"Howzyamomma'an'em?" and hear back "Dey fine!"
Hey, dawlin'. Where y'at!
We was out by the neutral ground in fronta Kay'n'bees.
Dem crawfish ain't lookin so good dis season, no.

11. When you refer to a geographical location "way up North'" you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock, or Memphis, where it gets real cold.

12. You judge a poboy by the number of napkins used.

13. The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster poboy "dressed" is healthier than a Caesar salad. You agree.

14. The four seasons in the year are: Crawfish, Shrimp, Crab, and King Cake.

15. You believe that purple, green, and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors).

You know you live in Maine when

1. You think a mosquito could be a species of bird.

2. You’ve hung out at a gravel pit.

3. Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in May.

4. In high school, you (or a friend) packed Deering Ice Cream cones.

5. There’s a fruit and vegetable stand within 10 minutes of your house.

6. All year long you’re tracking sand in the house-from the beach in the summer and the roads and sidewalks in the winter.

7. You do the majority of your shopping out of Uncle Henry’s

8. You go to the dump and bring back more than you brought.

9. You know how to find the rope swing at the quarry

10. You always wave when you see a Maine license plate in another state.

11. “The City” means exclusively Portland.

12. All of the traffic lights blink yellow at 10 o’clock at night.

13. As a child, you played outside in a snow storm without hat, mittens, scarf and with your jacket open because it was just a little cool.

14. your “luxury vehicle” is a twelve-year-old rustbucket on wheels.

15. You know that “stove up” has nothing to do with cooking.

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