State jokes.

So I started out with my state, and the whole time I was going true, true, true, true, true, true. It was funny. So I shall do it here too. So the jokes are called
You know you live in insert state here if you...
Please dont take offence.

Chapter 1

Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Califronia, Colorado, Conneticut, Delaware, Florida

You know you live in Alabama if...

1. you call any soda despite brand or flavor as coke.

2.you can pronounce Arab, Eufaula, Opelika, Loachapoka, Bayou La Batre, and Oneonta.

3. You aren’t surprised to find rental movies, groceries, ammunition and bait all in the same store.

4. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.

5. You know what “cow tipping” is.

6. You know the difference between redneck, hillbilly, and southerner.

7. There is no such thing as tea.. it’s sweet tea.

8. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing, especially hot wings.

9. You know at least one Bubba, and maybe a few guys named Bo.

10. You don’t assume the car with the blinker light on is actually going to turn anytime in the near future.

11. Your directions include “when you see the Waffle House” or “turn on the dirt road.”

12. Visiting Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime.

13. Mamanem means the whole family. (“Are mamanem comin?”)

14. You know exactly what chitlins and mountain oysters are, and though you may not, you know someone who eats them anyway.

15. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

You know your from Alaska if

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a motor home on the highway.

2. You know several people who have hit moose more than once.

3. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

4. 30 degrees is shorts weather

5. You refer to the continental US as the "lower 48"

6. Buses leaving school are delayed because a bear is in the parking lot

7. You sleep through an earthquake like nothing ever happened; the only way you know is because the clock fell off the wall

8. You have to start your car at least an hour before you leave so most of the ice and snow will melt off by the time you leave

9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. You literally can’t leave the house without seeing some one you know.

11. You only go to the fair for turkey legs and a husky burger

12. You know who "Sleeping Lady" is

13. You know the two speed limits in Alaska: the ‘get outta my way limit’ and ‘taking cover limit’

14. You have to ski in gym class

15. You call someone without a crack in there windshield a tourist


You know you live in Arizona if

1. The best parking is determined by shade.....not distance.

2. You realize that "Valley Fever" isn't a disco dance

3. You actually burn your hand opening the car door

4. Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse.....some fools actually try to jog.

5. You can pronounce Saguaro, Tempe, San Xavier, Canyon de Chelly, Mogollon Rim, and Cholla

6. You can fry an egg on the hood of a car in the morning.

7. You buy salsa by the gallon.

8. Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los."

9. Most homes have more firearms than people.

10. Kids ask, "What's a mosquito?"

11. You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

12. You "hug" a cactus only once in your lifetime.

13. You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

14. Standin' on the corner sounds good.

15. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

You know you live in Arkansas if

1. "How 'bout them Hogs" is a common phrase around your house.

2. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip".

3. You consider riding a mechanical bull true entertainment!

4. You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did you
go to?"

5. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it,
no matter what time of the year.

6. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:
"Where's my coat at?"

7. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ranch and ketchup.

8. The local paper covers national and international headlines in one
column, but requires six pages for sports.

9. You've said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."

10. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and
Football.

11. You know what "Wooooo Pig Sooie" means

12. You know what time to be home for curfew - not because of the law, but
because of the mosquitos!

13. You know that you can't get anywhere without going through Little Rock
first.

14. You eat dinner at noon and supper at night.

15. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.

You know your from California when

1. You actually say the word persons and write it.

2. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

3. You know 65 mph really means 100.

4. You get looked at funny by locals when you're on vacation in their state

5. No one stops at stop signs... we do the "California roll" No cop no stop.

6. You call it soda, not pop

7. Your car has bullet-proof windows.

8. All highways into the state say: "no fruits."

9. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"

10. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears

11. You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

12. You know how to eat an artichoke.

13. You say "like" and "for sure" and "dude" and "totally" and "peace out" and "chill" and "tight" and "bro" and "sick" and "hella"(Nor Cal only) and "stoked" and you say them often.

14. You can go out at midnight.

15. If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.

You know your are from Colorado when

1. Your sense of direction is; towards the mountains and away from the mountains.

2. You install security lights on your house and garage but leave all doors unlocked.

3. You can never figure out why your out of town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.

4. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista.

5. April showers bring May blizzards.

6. You know what 'fourteener' is. But you don't know what a 'turn signal'is.

7. You have an $800 stereo in a $300 truck.

8. You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.

9. You're a meat eating vegetarian.

10. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

11. Driving is better in the winter cause the pot holes are filled with snow.

12. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a team's victory.

13. Your car insurance costs more than your car.

14. You see someone riding a Harley in a downpour, and you look closer to see if it's anyone you know.

15. You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.

You know your from Connetcicut when

1. You can spell Connecticut correctly without googling it. (and yes, I looked it up.)

2. You have deer in your backyard.

3. You thought New Jersey was a toxic waste dump

4. You hang out at Denny's

5. You've partied at bonfires

6. You think the Connecticut River is endless

7. You've never looked at a public bus schedule

8. You have said... " I'm in a good location... Between both Boston and New York."

9. When you go to a real city, you sincerely feel bad for every poor / homeless person you see.

10. You hold the door open for someone and they don't say "Thank You."

11. You still can't find your way in Hartford

12. You don't have an accent when you talk

13. You have been to Misquamicut and to that little hot dog place.

14. You have known at least 2 preppy rich kids from Fairfield who listen to Phish.

15. Your parents actually care about the Governor, the Patriots coming to Hartford, the lights at Christmas in Hartford & Channel 3 news.

You know if your from Delaware when

1. You know where, what and when the Mummers Parade is held.

2. Your school classes were canceled because of 3 snowflakes.

3. You know about pumpkin-chunking and, and you have your favorite chunker.

4. You can identify all the major types of manure by smell (especially chicken!)

5. You actually know what a "slippery" dumpling is.

6. You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup (for the scrapple).

7. You know what scrapple is.

8. You think anyone from anywhere but Delaware has an accent

9. The highest point in the state is a rise on the golf course.

10. You know Newerk is in New Jersey, but NewARK is in Delaware.

11. You know the name of every street in Delaware, but have no idea what the route number is.

12. The opening of a Walmart was declared by your mayor as, "The most exciting thing to happen in Western Sussex County in 50 years."

13. You think, maybe, just maybe, you might get a white Christmas. Then it rains.

14. You know who Youdee is.

15. You've ridden the school bus for 10 minutes each way.

You know you are from Florida when

1. You laugh when that a game show’s Grand Prize is a trip to Florida.

2. You’ve seen at least one alligator cross the street.

3. There’s a permanent gap between your toes from wearing sandals.

4. You’ve been blinded by fat men in Speedos…

5. You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee and Withlacoochee.

6. You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.

7. You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or
a tree worker.

8. You've hosted a hurricane party or been to one.

9. A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

10. You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

11. You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

12. You were 12 before you ever saw snow, or you still haven't.

13. You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.

14. You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.

15. You dread love bug season

Skip to Chapter

48 Comments

© 2020 Polarity Technologies
X
X

Invite Next Author

Write a short message (optional)

or via Email

Enter Quibblo Username

X

Report This Content