I CAN'T FVCKING TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!

Chapter 1

AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

by: Apathy_
I apologise if I have random letters in between words, cause y'see, I'M CRYING TOO FVCKING HARD TO SEE THE FVCKING KEYBOARD!!!

I CAN'T FVCKING TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! I CAN'T DEAL WITH ALL THIS FVCKING DRAMA!!!! D'YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT?! THAT ONE OF MY FVCKING BEST FRIENDS COMMITTED FVCKING SUICIDE!! DANIELLA!!! SHE'S GONE NOW!!! SHE'S NOT THERE ANYMORE TO TALK ME OUT OF IT, I CAN NEVER TALKK TO HER AGAIN, ABOUT ANYTHING!!!! I'VE BEEN LYING ON THE GROUND CRYING FOR THE PAST HOUR!!! MY MUM FIGURED OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON, AND SHE TOLD ME TO DELETE. I DON'T KNOW WILL I, BUT I HAVE HALF A MIND TO GO AHEAD AND DO IT, BEFORE I GET HURT AGAIN!!!

She seemed so happy... All the time. She barely ever complained about anything. And when she did, she always forgot about it when she was online. I miss her so much. There were so many things I want to say to her...

She was so young. She was only thirteen. Why do the good have to go first?! ALL THE FVCKING TIME!!!!!!! I FVCKING HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!

IDK, maybe I should follow her. Maybe I should fvcking follow her, before I get hurt again. I know it's weird, that the girl who fvcking disapproves the most is thinking about it, but it's so fvcking hard!!!!! There are so many fvcking things in life that I have to deal with that you guys don't know about. SO FVCKING MANY FVCKING THINGS!!!!

It doesn't feel right. Being here without her. She was my best friend, and the second person I met on here. She's not supossed to be gone.

Maybe she isn't. Maybe this is some sick joke, maybe she's lying. All I know is, I sure hope she is, because then maybe she'll decide to come back some day. But I seriously doubt it.

I can't fvcking believe this. It hasn't fvcking sunk in yet. And I don't want you fvcking telling me "it'll all be okay!" becaue IT WON'T. D'YA HEAR ME?! IT WILL NOT BE OKAY!!! IT WILL NEVER BE OKAY!!!

And if you're fvcking reading this and planning on asking me to stop cursing because it fvcking 'bothers' you, then you can get lost. I don't fvcking care at the moment if I'm 'bothering' you. So DON'T FVCKING MENTION IT!!!

UGH. Life is cruel. I will say it again, life is crueler than death. Because once you're dead,that's it, death can't throw anything worse at you. But once you're living, life can do whatever the fvck she fvcking wants to you. She kills off everyone you love, until you're cold and alone and scared. Then she injures you, but she doesn'tfvcking kill you, because she doesn't want to cut the show short. No, she injures you but won't fvcking give you the fvcking luxury of death. So then you fvcking struggle on, injured and wanting to die. So then she throws the fvcking tigers at you. And the tigers injure you, so you walk with your head down, crying into your pillow at night. Then she throws in the lions, before you've recovered from the tigers, and finally, when you're at death's door, she'll show you something good,so you'll leave death and go towards that, but in the end, it's a fvcking injury in disguise. And then, only then, will she kill you. And it won't be painless, because life doesn't do that. No, it'll be painful, because then you'll remember that there are people alive that you love, but it's too late because now you're fvcking dead,leaving the people you love to cry and mourn and never acctually recover.

People who haven't experienced the death of a loved one won't understand this. I never fully recover. I never forget. It doesn'tget any easier to deal with, I just push it all down. And you'd think that with each death, it'd be easier, right?
Wrong. So fvcking wrong.
With every fvcking death, I remember the last one and the one before that and the one before that and the one before that and the one before that and the one before that. So it'slike they all died at once, and I cry for days, weeks, because you can't just push it all the fvck away. it's not possible. So I cry whenever I'm in private, when I'm not near people. If I cry in front of them, it fvcking bothers them.

I can't fvcking deal with this shit anymore.

42 Comments

© 2019 Polarity Technologies
X
X

Invite Next Author

Write a short message (optional)

or via Email

Enter Quibblo Username

X

Report This Content