Cuts and Scars

Cuts and Scars is a story about depression, cutting, starving, suicidal thoughts, and much more. Please do not read if you don't think you can take it.

Chapter 1

The Beginning of The End.

"So are you going to the football game tonight?" asked Harly, one of my best friends.
"No, i have no idea what's going on. I'm gonna skip." I told her, quickly checking my cell phone for any messages from Matt.
"Why? What do you mean you don't know whats going on?" She asked.
Annoyed, i pretended to be fine, "No one was answering my texts or anything. I just wanna stay home tonight, you guys are all there already."
"Oh okay." Harly replied.
"Yeah. So I gotta go. Byee." I spoke, wanting to end the conversation.
"Okay. Byee."
I sat down on the couch next to my mom. Matt usually texted me all day long, even though we had only been dating for 2 days. But today he hadn't texted me at all. I texted him once today, after cross country practice, which he never attended, but he never replied.
Matt was a grade above me. Being the most popular boy in school, and cutest, you'd think that he would have higher standards then me. Yet he always made me feel special by calling me beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, nice, etc. He once asked me how far i would go with him, and i responded by saying that I don't know, but i just don't want to take it too fast. He agreed. For him to do that i felt so amazing, like he cared a lot about me. My heart swelled at the thought of him. I texted him until i passed out from exhaustion.
Suddenly, my phone buzzed. Quickly, I turned it on. One new message from Matt. I smiled at his name, then nearly dropped my phone at what the message read.
"We should breakup, because we never talk."
I looked around the room, seeing if anyone noticed my sudden shock. No one did.
Thinking of all the possible things i could say to him in response, my mind clouded. I was partially angry, I want to talk to him all the time! But we never saw each other and our only chance to see each other would be at cross country practice but he never came.
Then again i was sad. But i didn't want him to think i was snotty so i settled for saying,
"I know, and i'm trying. But if thats what you want..."
Quickly, i ran into my room. I forwarded the message he sent me to Harly. She was at the football game now, along with Maggy, Cara, Raegen, and Emilee. After she didn't respond, i called Maggy.
"Hello?" Maggy spoke into the phone.
Between sobs i said, "Hey, it's me. Did Harly get my message?"
"What message?" She asked, sounding worried.
"Tell Harly to check her phone." I could barely speak.
I heard Maggy talk to Harly, "Sara said to check your phone."
"Why?" Maggy asked.
If i explained it i was going to cry harder, "Just read the text."
I heard Harly say, "Awww Sara!"
She read it. Now i heard as everyone else read it too.
"Sara I'm so sorry!" Maggy said.
I cried so hard then, "Its okay."
I shook as Harly was put on the phone, "Saraaa, are you okay?"
Still shaking i answered, "Yes."
That was the first time i ever lied to my friends about how i felt. Not the last.
So many different people took the phone and talked to me, i blacked out and only remember having to say so many times, "Yea, i'm fine."
Finally, the phone was given back to Harly, "Sara, do you wanna come to the game? It's only half time."
I thought a minute, maybe Matt would see me and want to take me back. I needed my friends support now anyways.
"Let me ask my mom." I said, shaking.
I went to the bathroom and looked at my face. It was puffy and red. My eyes were half swelled shut from so much crying. Quickly, i wiped my tears away, and put on more foundation, trying to cover up the redness. It worked, but barely.
I threw on a hoody trying to hide more of my face.
"Mom?" I asked.
"What?"
"Can you take me to the football game. Everyone wants me to go there now." I asked, praying that she would say yes.
"No! You said you didn't want to go." She responded.
Not strong enough for an argument, i let it go.
"Harly i can't go. Sorry." I said.
"What why not?" She asked.
"My mom won't take me." I held back more tears.
"Sara, i'll take you, let's go." My mom said.
I'm guessing that she felt bad that i didn't fight back and just let it go. Anyways, i was just glad that she was letting me go.
"Harly i can go. I'll be there in a second. Bye."
I hung up.
Getting into the car, i fought the tears. I kept shaking though. I couldn't stop myself.
"What's wrong?" My mom asked as she drove.
"Nothing...I'm just cold."
The first time i lied to my mom about my feelings.

I arrived to the game. The stadium lights were bright, and i could see my friends waiting for me at the gate. Quickly, i ran to them.

I jumped into their arms. The only thing that pulled me back to the reality of the moment was the tears i realized were streaming down my face.
"Are you okay?" They all asked, one by one.
"Yeah. I'm okay."
Lies.
"Wanna walk around?" Harly asked.
"Sure." I responded, following them under the bleachers.
At first everything was fine. No signs of Matt or any of his idiotic friends.
Then i heard them. I looked up to see a group of boys running towards me. They were all hooting and hollering, as if they encouraged my crying.
Harly quickly grabbed my arm and we turned around. As they came closer, i quickly ran into the bathroom.
Storming into the door, i was quickly followed by Harly, Maggy, and all of my other friends. Everyone in the bathroom was staring at me. Quick glances, and hurried motions, wanting to get out and avoid conversation.
Now i really began to cry, tears flew down my face, and my face grew redder and puffier with every gasp of air.
Inside was worse though. I felt like someone had slowly cut my heart open, only to leave it like that. I felt like my world was ending. I felt like dying.
All of a sudden, another crying girl came threw the doors. I didn't know her, but i had seen her before.
"Are you okay?" Harly asked me again.
I tried to shake my head up and down or say yes, but i couldn't, "No."
Slowly, i slid down the wall and burried my face in my knees.
Random girls came over from my grade, asking what was wrong.
Every time i pointed to Harly, Maggy, or one of my other friends and asked them to explain. Because i knew that if i did, i would break.

What i didn't know is that i was already broken.

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