Commiting Suicide (No, I'm not, but please read this anyway. Please.)
Chizz is down there.
Youâ€™re sitting at your desk, and you know itâ€™s time to go. Youâ€™ve said that to yourself over a million times, but this time you know, for sure, is real. Youâ€™re tiredâ€¦ youâ€™re just so very tired. Your parents pissed you off, like school wasnâ€™t bad enough today. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun or whatever you choose to use because youâ€™re that desperate. Youâ€™re ready. You think of it as some gameâ€¦ the first one dead is the one who wins. No oneâ€™s home; itâ€™s
the perfect time. Youâ€™re ready. If you donâ€™t do it, youâ€™re gonna look down on yourself even more forever. Youâ€™re just going to hate yourself even more. No one knows, no one will knowâ€¦ until tomorrow.
Instead of getting a paper and a pen, you get the video camera out, along with a chair. Youâ€™re standing on the chair. You decided to go with the ropeâ€¦ youâ€™re gone instantly and there will be no noise. One side of the rope is tied to the top of your fan and the other is already around your neck. Youâ€™re in tears, you know itâ€™s for real this time. You turn on the video camera and just stare at the red light blinking upon your eyes. You start to mumble out a few words. â€œMom, Dad, Iâ€™m sorry. I donâ€™t know why Iâ€™m sorry, but Iâ€™m sorry. I canâ€™t do this anymore. Please donâ€™t blame yourself, please. I love you both, and tell my siblings the same. Iâ€™ll see you all soon.â€
You say sorry to your best friend because you know you wonâ€™t be there for him anymore when he needs you more than ever. You say sorry to everyone you could think ofâ€¦ even yourself. Youâ€™re sorry for not being strong anymore. Youâ€™re sorry for giving up. Youâ€™re sorry for putting them through so much pain in their life. You stare, once again, at the red light blinking upon your eyes. One foot is off the chair now as you begin to mouth the word goodbye. You have the remote control to turn off the camera in your hand. You clicked the off button and as soon as you see that light go off, you go off. Both feet are now off the chairâ€¦ the chair is on the floorâ€¦ the room is filled with silence.
Youâ€™re gone.There is no going back. Everything is over. You donâ€™t have to live in pain anymoreâ€¦ but everyone else will. What are your parents going to think? What about your little brother, or little sister? What are they going to do? Youâ€™re gone. Youâ€™re dead. There is no going back. You ended your life because the person of your dreams only thinks of you as friends. You ended your life because that one teacher was harder on you than anyone else in the class because she knows youâ€™re the only one that is going somewhere in life. Your parents are home. They call your name telling you their home, just like they normally do when they get homeâ€¦. but somethingâ€™s different. You donâ€™t answer. They get worriedâ€¦ you always answer. They come upstairs thinking your sleeping or showering. Your mom opens your bedroom door and screams at the top of her lungs. She instantly passes out. Now your little brother comes up after her. He screams â€œDADDY HELP!!!!â€ He runs over to you hitting your leg begging you to wake up. â€œWAKE UP, WAKE UP. PLEASE STOP WAKE UPâ€. But you donâ€™t answer, youâ€™re not waking up. Youâ€™re gone. Youâ€™re dead. There is no going back. Your dad comes running upstairs, but all he could do was stare. He watches his baby girl swing back and forth on a rope. He sees the video camera and he sees the chair. But he doesnâ€™t move. Heâ€™s stiff as a board. He criesâ€¦. Your dad NEVER cries. He picks up the phone and calls 911. He can barely get the words â€œMy daughter committed suicideâ€ out of his mouth. Your little sister stares at your dad. Your dad hangs up and your little sister jumps into your dadâ€™s arms, crying harder than ever.
Sheâ€™s too young to understand completely, but she knows youâ€™re gone. Youâ€™re dead. There is no going back. Everything is over. The cops finally arrive. They push your dad and sister out of your room and sit them in the living room. They take your body down off the ropes and lay you on the stretcher. They cover your body and out you goâ€¦ just like that. Youâ€™re gone. Youâ€™re dead. Thereâ€™s no going back. Nothing is the same. Two weeks have passed and your mom still stares out the window more than half of the day. Your little sister still hasnâ€™t returned to school. Your dad is forced to go to work so he can pay all the bills for your wake and funeral. Eventually, they find to strength to go into your room. Your door hasnâ€™t been open for months. The rope is still laying on the floor and the video camera is still sitting on the table. They donâ€™t even dare to watch the video, it will never be seen. They slowly pick up the rope and throw it in the garbage. Chills run up their spine, your mom basically in tears. They brush off your bed, making it neatâ€¦ like they used to do every morning after you went to school.
Your bed is made and your room is clean. They shut the door, and it remained shut. Your school is still in distress. You thought no one cared and you thought no one noticed you. Whatâ€™s the first thing that will go through their mind when your principal comes in and tells the class that youâ€™re not alive. While your best friend sits there in tears. That girl that youâ€™d smile at but never talk to? Sheâ€™s now crying. The boy who used to kick you under the table just to annoy you? Heâ€™ll be shocked. Heâ€™ll be devastated. Heâ€™ll blame himself. The girl that said no to being your lab partner, yeah she cuts every single night now because she thinks itâ€™s her fault you died. The boy that tripped you by accident and didnâ€™t say sorry, yeah heâ€™s in suicidal therapy 5 days a week in a hospital because he feels a smile could of saved your life and he didnâ€™t give that to you. The teacher that was hard on you that day, she quit her job because she felt she wasnâ€™t suited to teach anymore. Youâ€™re gone. Youâ€™re dead. Thereâ€™s no going back.
4 years have passed. Your little sister is now 15 years old. She started a club in her school dedicated to you. â€œSecretsâ€ is what she called it. The club is formed for kids to speak their hearts, without anyone judging them. They can say anything they want to, and talk about anything they needed to. If they were suicidal, they always had someone.
That was your problem. You didnâ€™t want to talk to anyone. You had everything bottled up inside of you. You acted as if you were the happiest kid on the planet and you had the perfect life. You played that character so well that even you started to believe it. You would be so â€œhappyâ€ and as soon as you layed in bed at night, the thoughts came back. A little fight between you and your parents could have set you off. But with everything inside of you bottled up for years, it hit your limits.
Youâ€™re gone. Youâ€™re dead. Thereâ€™s no going back. Your room will never be occupied. Your mom still cries every single night. Your dad isnâ€™t as strong as he used to be. Your little sister will never grow up with you by her side moving her in the right direction. Your best friend is still torn up. Your school now has a club dedicated to you so teens will not make the same mistake you did. Your life was precious and you took it away in the blink of an eye. All you needed was a smile, thatâ€™s all you needed. But since youâ€™re gone, just know people cared. People always have cared. You were just way too upset to see that. You were just too caught up in the fact that you thought no one caredâ€¦ when the truth was, more people cared about you that you ever thought they would. Your town will never be the same.
A girl is gone, a special girl who thought no one cared. Everyone cared. I promise you. They care, they always have cared. We loved you, and no matter what, we will still always love you