A Twlight Spoof

WARNING: Contains cussing :| I hope you don't mind...

This is what me and my friend Clodagh made up! It's basically all the books in one, in a play format! Thanks for reading!

Chapter 1


by: Cosmiic
Voice over: BOOK 1

Scene 1:

Bella: Hi, I'm Bella. I just moved from S(h(i(t-ton where my life was really s(h(i(t, too S(h(i(t-toner where my life is even s(h(i(t(i(e(r!

Edward: Hi, I'm Edward. My life is basically just as s(h(i(t(t(y as hers, except I'm pale white and I eat animals for my tea!

Scene 2:

Bella: About to get squished by car Help! Save me Edward! I'm too stupid to move out of the way!

Edward: God Bella, your so stupid! But I'll save you anyway; SPARKLY VAMPIRE POWERS ACTIVATE!

Scene 3:

Bella: Walking and James is following right behind her Bella spins around Oh
for God sake, get a f(u(c(k(i(n(g life!

Voice over: BOOK 2

Scene 1:

Bella: looking at her finger Oh no. I got a paper cut.

Jasper: holding knife and fork with napkin I'm hungry for b(i(t(c(h(y little girls!

Bella: Oh no.

Edward: NOOOOOOO! F(u(c(k you Jasper!

Scene 2:

Edward: Standing in the forest Bella, I'm leaving you to go to Italy. I'm not coming back.

Bella: Angry Fine! I didn't want you anyway!

Edward: Also angry Fine, I'll go right now!

Bella: Go then!

Edward: Just watch me you b(i(t(c(h! Skips away

Scene 3:

Bella: Hi there Jacob. I'm such a lonely desperate sado that I have to resort to befriending a werewolf for company. Wanna hook up?

Jacob: Sure, I just have to cut my hair first.

Voice over: BOOK 3

Scene 1:

Edward: Oh no! The Cullens and the werewolves are in a fight against Newborns!

Bella: Yes, and I'm too pathetic too think of my boyfriend risking his life, so I've forced him to stay here with me, lessoning our chances of winning in the first place.

Edward: Yes, I'll go get some popcorn!

Scene 2:

Edward: Yay! Victoria is dead! She was such a b(i(t(c(h wasn't she Bella!

Bella: Yes, almost as b(i(t(c(h(y as me!

Scene 3:

Edward: Bella, will you marry me?

Bella: Well, I've said no all the other times, but I'm pretty drunk so what the hell! Of course I'll marry you Edward!

Voice over: BOOK 4

Scene 1:

Edward: We just got married. Now were on our Honeymoon! Wanna have s(e(x in the lake?

Bella: yes, or we could do it in the bed. Oh no the beds broken!

Edward: Don't worry, the c(r(a(p(p(y cleaner will sort it out!

Bella: BTW Edward, I'm pregnant.

Edward: Oh for f(u(c(k sake Bella! Why didn't we just use a c(o(n(d(o(m?

Scene 2:

Edward: Holding Nessie Oh look, baby Bella!

Bella: Hm, I'm to stupid to think of a proper name so I have to resort to mixing our mum's names together, and finally coming up with Renesmee.

Edward: Oh god that's such a s(h(i(t name.

Everyone: What f(u(c(k(e(d up lives we lead!



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