If you really knew me......

Chapter 1

this is gonna be hard for me

If you really knew me, you'd know I sometimes cry myself to sleep

If you really knew me, you'd know that every night I worry about losing someone in my family, not my grades.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I hardly know any of my aunts, uncles, and cousins on my Dad's side and nobody on Mom's side.

If you really knwe me, you'd know that I consider suicide often

If you really knew me, you'd know that the only reason I'm still here is because my brush talked me out of it

If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm really upset because my brother will have to go to a bad college because the college we've both dreamed about is over a $100,000 for all four years.

If you really knew me, you'd know I hate myself

If you really knew me, you'd know I think I'm fat. I'm 173 pounds at 12 years old when I'm 5'7''

If you really knew me, you'd know I have a temper

If you really knew me, you'd know I don't like to talk because I'm so afraid of what people will say about me

If you really knew me, you'd know that I have actually feared for my life while at school

If you really knew me, you'd know I've tried to cut myself

If you really knew me, you'd know that I can't do what most girls do because mom takes a billion different medicines and her body just can't take it

If you really knew me, you'd know that I hate it when mom goes on band trips with us because the kids are so immature and mom will yell at them so people will tell me I hate your mom she's evil when she can't help how she acts.

If you erally knew me, you'd know at school I don't act myself because people hate the real me...

If you really knew me, you'd know I wanna commit suicide right now, because it feels like the only solution.

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