Madness

Just something a little different

by Anthony J. Q.

Chapter 1

The Decent

Creeping through, racking every nerve in your body. Waiting for you to crack, break, fall to pieces. But do you? Do you let yourself fall victim to It. You can feel every single part of It moving in you and your helpless to stop it. The pain, confusion, hurt, sadness. The feeling of going mad and having nothing left to keep you grounded to the world. Can you feel It? Can you see It?

No, not all the time. But you try. You beg at night when no one hears for this agony you live though to stop. You cry every night and fall asleep in tears because it's just so painful. You don't know how to make it stop, you never do. But sometimes when you become numb, fall into the addictions you've learned to love, it's not so bad. It can't get you when that happens because It is powerless to do so.

And all you do is smile that fake smile, laugh the hollow laugh, tell everyone your 'fine'. But you know your not, of course your not. How can you be with a mind like yours? You scream in agony because the pain is to much, but all your screams are silent. Silent because that's all you ever where, ever are. A silent, happy, lying person that hides every chance you get than face your problems.

But your problems are never that easy, their mostly in you head. And it makes it all the harder for you to live with yourself. Live with the lie you've been feeding for years. Every smile, knowing it's so fake and broken. Yet you haven't broken yourself, just parts of you. Your waiting for that one day when it'll all finally snap, when It finally breaks you. And the person you feared everyone will see in you is out in the open. The bitter, hateful, sad, scared, insane person you've always hid because it was easier and it was simpler.

Because it will always be easier to ignore it than deal with it. Deal with It. Deal with the world. And you sit in your room, rocking back and forth, pleading for the voices to stop and the world to stop shaking. Wishing that you were able to see the real reality and not everything It forces you to see. Because your just so tired of seeing maggots crawling instead of the floor, dead people where they aren't, voices when no one is there, nightmares that aren't for someone who is sane.

Yes, maybe you have gone mad, and a bit insane, but who would it bother you ask yourself? And you answer your own question that 'No, no one would care.' Even though you know that's probably not true, but then you force yourself to live through the memories you wish you didn't remember like all the rest. Begging for all of it to just stop, to be able to live a normal life without the constant fear of It grabbing a hold of your mind and making you do things you'd never do unless something was making you.

But you just joke about everything and smile through the pain. Say the things everyone wants to hear from you instead of the truth. And yes, maybe everyone does delude themselves with lies and all the little fake things they cling to, but isn't it easier? Easier to pretend that everything is fine until everything just falls apart. Sometimes, yeah, it is. But other times, when someone else is in your mind making you do thing, yelling at you, using your own vocal cords. The unexplained sicknesses that no one cares about or the twitches that have people laughing at you.

It's not easy when you realize that after a days end and all the charades drop your there, all alone and broken. Screaming at It to go away, to leave you and lift It's spell that your under. Because that must be it, why all these things are wrong with you. Why your so fvcked up, insecure, scared, insane. It has a hold on you yet all you do is fuel the fire and give It more reason to grab a hold of your heart and squeeze it till there's no feeling left in you body except pain. Agonizing, blinding, searing white pain that tears through your body and mind. Relentless.

And all you do is suffer alone in the hell you live in, sometimes you sleep and you don't even thing about anything. Those are the good days. Other times you wake up screaming and crying because of the nightmares. But on certain days, when you don't sleep at all, you lay there. Wondering what happened, did you always feel this way, are there parts in you memories missing that could piece everything together, and ever it there was, do you want to know what it is?

1 Comment

© 2019 Polarity Technologies
X
X

Invite Next Author

Write a short message (optional)

or via Email

Enter Quibblo Username

X

Report This Content