I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Who I Thought He Was (Harry Styles Story)

Shall I continue?

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Why would you do that?" I said, tears of anger falling from my burning, violet eyes. I handled this my way, not in a girlish fit. Showing emotions strength, betrayal, and anger. Not desperate, foolish, over-dramatic crying fits. That was kept on the inside, along with the sadness that I couldn't hold in any longer.
"Sabrina, you don't understand! It was a mistake, I'm so sorry! You know I love you!" All I could see was his eyes through the little opening in my door in our flat. I could see water swelling up in his eyes.
"Please. I didn't think dating a famous person would be this hard." He began to cry just like I was.
"No, please don't say that!" I closed the sliding window door, and opened my normal bedroom, our normal bedroom door. Standing tall in my doorway, I gave him a sad kiss on the cheek before walking past. My mascara was smeared, and it created nasty lines in my foundation. I had to be at my job in 20 minutes. Well, more like internship. I have an internship at British Vogue. I dabbed my eyes with the long sleeves of my black, shoulder padded, knee-high dress. Dress to impress.
"Sabrina....," He began. I gave him a sad but this-is-your-issue, you-started-it look before grabbing my keys.
"I have to go." He chased down the hall after me, and these high heels weren't making it any easier to get away. To be honest, I have flatter feet, and I was clumsy. High heels I loved; what I didn't love was having to wear them. Then I remembered these were the pumps he'd gotten me for my birthday, which had just passed months ago.
"No!" He grabbed my wrist, spun me around, and gave me a kiss. It was wet because of all his tears and few of mine, and it seemed as if he was trying to force it into me to remember the trust I had in him. I still trust him, I do. Just...not like before, after what I heard today. I placed a slow hand on his cheek, and kissed him back. He was 3 inches taller than me in my high heels. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and neck, and we cried a little bit into each other's shoulder.
"Harry...," I started, calling him by his name for the first time since I saw the email.
"Let me explain! Sabrina, why-!" I interrupted him turning the doorknob.
"We'll talk about it later. Before leaving through the door, I turned back around to find him with his head in his hands, then running them through his hair in a frustrated atttitude, "Harry. You know I hate acting like this. Mature, bitter, girl. I love you more than anything in the world-"
"I love you too!" He pleaded.
"I don't think I could ever leave you for what you've done," A sad but hopeful and small smile crept onto his face, "But you," I point my finger at him, "brought this upon yourself. I don't know what to think." He turned red with anger and ran towards me. Forcefully holding my face, he pulled me closer and kissed me as if this was the last time we'd ever see each other. Like we were dying. Pulling away with both hands on his chest, I walked to the elevator, and waved a short and emotionless wave to Harry. I could hear him punch the wall of our luxury penthouse. Jumping in Harry's Audi, I drove to work. I drove a blue Nissan Juke. We borrowed each others car on occasion, but I couldn't drive a Juke to Vogue. In my mind, all I'm thinking is "God, how could this have happened?"

5 hours later, it was 7:30. I was in a very insecure state of mind. Today, lots of models came in for a photoshoot. I had brought them their 'sparkling, room temperature, 0 calorie green tea.' They were all looking at me like I was a cow when I had drank my grande caramel frappe at the shoot, brushing back my thick and curly caramel hair. I really needed it too, working for these sticks was exhausting. One came up to me....I think her name was Cami, and in a very materialistic voice asked, "Do you know how many calories are in that?" then another friend of hers giggled and added, "It's not like she needs it, either." Implying that I didn't need the calories. I was about to snap back when I looked to Lisa, a co-worker who I had bonded with, and she gave me a look telling me it wasn't worth it. I left early because if the head kept me any longer, she'd have to pay me. I decided to sit myself down at our favorite bar where I saw Zayn, and we had a small conversation before I lazily left. How fake ID's work wonders.
"Sabrina!" Harry called when I opened the door and kicked my pumps off. I went to go change in my room. Pulling off this dress that I hated so much for making me look mature and old, I looked at my developed body in the mirror. Was it too big? Were my hips a little too wide? Where my differently angled eyebrows that ugly? I knew they were bad, it looked like I was raising one eyebrow most of the time, because of this eyebrow facade I had back when I was fifteen that ruined them forever. Was my belly to plump? No, what am I doing? I love my belly. And I shouldn't feel like this. I had that curvy body, and it was skinny. I'm just being stupid. Suddenly there were arms around my waist, pulling me closer. And I saw Harry in the mirror.
"What are you doing love?" He whispered in my ear, walking on this ice.
"Nothing, nothing." I say, in a voice a bit too pitchy.
"Stop lying. You don't need to stare at yourself in the mirror, you're beautiful.
Don't you know that?" I guess he was still walking on thin ice like he always was when trying to be romantic. He began to nibble at my neck. I pushed him off.
"Harry, stop! We're not ok! You know what you did!" I felt my eyes burn up and my voice crack. His eyes widened with sadness and shock as he looked to the ground.
"You know I do love you, don't you? I apologized! I'm so sorry! It was a mistake! A big, stupid mistake! I'd never do that to you in my right state of mind!" I felt my eyes narrow, the tears falling slowly.
"In your right state of mind? Harry, I don't care that you were drunk! It's just--you were, y-you were s-so drunk that you can spend t-th-the whole night d-dancing and frolicking w-with some one n-one night b-bloody bint! Then you kissed her! Kissing a fan I have no problem with, but I thought you'd know better than to kiss someone that isn't the person you love! I'm the person you love, and it ob-obv-obviously wasn't me you kissed!" You gasped back in horror, and Harry's face showed the same emotion. All the years of speech classes, the money your family needed more to be spent on special teachers, everything they tought you to hide this horrible stutter, all for nothing. Harry's misbehaving had brought it back up. The stuttering made my life like hell. Everybody teased me in grade school for it, back in year 3 people called me Stubrina. That didn't last as long as it seemed though, but it hurt like hell. I told Harry all about it, and he knew that it was one of the biggest fears I've ever had.
"I know, and I regret everything! Please! I know you love me, don't you believe me? Sabrina, why don't you believe me?" The idea that I was making somebody I love cry killed me on the inside." I rubbed my eyes.
"Of course I believe, but don't you understand how much this hurts?"
"YES! I'M DYING ON THE INSIDE KNOWING WHAT I'VE DONE TO THE BOTH OF US!" He pulled me in, but I fought to get out of his grasp.
"Harry! Harry, let go!" His hands were at my shoulder and he was trying to embrace me with a hug. He was holding on to tight, and I just kept hitting his chest and trying to get away from him. He wasn't the strongest boy, but he could obviously muscle up when he felt necessary.
"Harry, stop! You don't love me! Let go!" I screamed, shaking trying to get out of his death-lock hold.
"B-but I do love you!" He said through the tears and voice cracks.
"Stop it!" I yelled, crying, "Harry, you bloody idiot, let go! Please!" Now I was half out of his grasp, and trying to fun free. We always wrestled around like this, but under the conditions, he needed to stop. Pulling and spinning and kicking, we ended up accidentally slapping each other, but never too bad that it hurt. I turned around to face him and in the split second I could I saw his hand lunging quickly to my shoulder. I flinched, making it my fault for the horrible accident that happened next. Suddenly I felt a warm tingling sensation, along with the blood flowing to my face as the back of his hand collided with the right side of my face. I winced in pain, making a funny noise.
"Oh my god." He began, "Sabrina, Sabrina I am so sorry! No!" At this point we were both crying harder than ever. Holding the side of my face, I glared at him, sneering.
"You-YOU WOMAN BEATER! WOMAN BEATER!" I screamed at him before out of our bedroom. I could hear him in our room, crying louder than ever. All the love we had for each other, I couldn't believe this had even happened. I picked up Dusty.
"I'm taking her with me for extra comfort!" I muttered, before throwing a trench coat over my body. In my undergarments, I didn't want to take the time in this house. The more Harry and I fought, the worse it would get. If there was hope we'd recover and move past this, me being in that penthouse wouldn't make the chances any better. I walked into the elevator, tying my coat closed. Dammit. I forgot my shoes. And keys. My hair looked very puffy and my mascara was smeared. I'm quite vain, I admit it. I'll just walk... I thought, Why did it have to be winter?" It wasn't too cold walking on the thin layer of snow, but my body was probably frozen and covered in goosebumps that were covered in goosebumps. People on the street were looking at me funny, like I was a bint. The kind of bint a drunken Harry would dance with and kiss. Dusty was shivering, so I put most of his body in my coat, letting his head out to see the world. Finally, I ended up at Calahue's Bar. A cat in a bar. Like that Ed Sheeran video. Yeah, Drunk. That's the song I would describe for my emotions at the moment. Drunk, by Ed Sheeran. /I should ask him to write a song on how he would describe me...that'd be funny.
"Calahue." I greeted the middle-aged, early 40's bartender.
"Miss Phillip." He nodded in acknowledgement.
"Sabrina's here? Again?" I hear a familiar voice say. I turned to find Zayn and Liam sitting at the bartender's table joking.
"Hey you guys...I'll be right over, just order me something strong." They watched me in worry as I dragged myself to the bathroom.
Hell, I was a mess. My mascara was dripping, again, and I had a slight green-black-purple at the end of my eye where Harry had accidentally slapped me; it showed easily against my light brown Arabic-colored skin, even if I'm not Arabic. I'm just blessed. I grabbed for my purse, then noticed I left it at Harry's place.

When I got back out, I saw a little shot of whiskey placed in front of my stool. They had moved to a circular, round table for 3 with stools next to the bartender's table. Callahue knew we were all 18, but he didn't care and nobody was fangirling over Zayn or Liam, and none or nobody was allowed to try and kill me for being Harry Style's girlfriend, or else they'd be kicked out. I grinned at Liam,
"Thanks for the 4 centimeter shot, that's really strong." He shrugged with a small, worried smile.
"If I know Sabrina Carrie Phillip, she'd never come into a bar, or anywhere, in a trench coat with Dusty(mind you, he said that in a shocked voice. Nobody got to take Dusty anywhere except Harry and I.) and no purse or shoes. And your hair seems unusually large. Where you mugged before getting here?" I roll my eyes.
"Of course you would notice, Mr. Vain." He smirked mysteriously, "If I was mugged, they would've taken the pussy." After throwing in the first short, I ordered a bottle of fire whiskey. Burning my throat, I got used to it after a while.
In between Liam and Zayn, Liam was on my right. Him in his caring and fatherly figure immediately noticed the bruise.
"Sabrina, what happened to your face?" I drank another sip before answering.
"I'll tell you later." I reached for the bottle, but a strong hand grabbed my wrist.
"No, you'll tell us now." He said. I sighed, and looked at him square in the eye.
"Can I stay at your place?" I asked. He looked a bit taken aback, but nodded.
"Sure," he answered quietly, "Zayn is, too, so I guess it's fine." I slapped his arm smiling, "Just kidding, you are always welcome to come over if you need to. Anything for my buddy's girlfriend of what now? 3 years?" He and Zayn thought together.
"And a half." I added, sipping some more whiskey.

Soon enough, I was the happiest I've been all day!
"Whoa, Sabrina, don't you think you've had enough?" Zayn questioned, being the king of drinking himself. Liam watched what he drank because his single kidney could only take so much.
"Noooo," I slurred, hugging Dusty while placing a leach around her neck.
"Let's go." Liam declared, receiving a nod of agreement from Zayn.
"Yeah, before she runs out." I stood up, feeling a bit dizzy, so the whole time I walked with my hand on Liam's shoulder.

Back at Liam's place, Zayn pulled a pack of smokers from his pocked while I sat on the couch, feeling much less dizzy and back to normal. Before they could ask me any questions, I fell asleep on the couch.

The next morning after breakfast, the boys were drilling me with questions.
"Why did you come to the bar?" Asked Zayn, raising an eyebrow.
"And how come your here instead of Harry's?"
"And why were you so distraught?
"How come you have a bruise?"
"GUYS!" I smiled a little, "Let me explain. My best friend Lucy sent me pictures of Harry yesterday. He was totally run out and was dancing with this stupid all night long and then they exchanged a quick snog. Lucy got it all on camera. We fought and when I got home, I went to change and Harry came in, trying to apologize again. I got mad and we started arguing. It started off playing around, but I tried to run from Harry. I turned around, and when I did he was reaching for my shoulder. Because I turned around so quickly and stumbled down, his hand slapped across my face instead of grabbing at my shoulder. But it was a bit obvious some of him just wanted to slap some sense into me." They kinda just sat there looking shocked.
"Soo he cheated on you?" I looked square at Zayn in the face.
"That he hit you?" Liam said, looking a bit angry and sad.
"Well, not on purpose." Liam and Zayn exchanged thoughts.
"I think you should go back and forgive him."
"I'm listening."
"Look, he really does love you. And I think that under the circumstances, he didn't know what he was doing. He's such a bloke, you know that. But he would never do it on purpose, really. He'll probably stay up all night if you don't get back there." I knew he was right, and that's all I wanted to do. He didn't know what he was doing.
"Fine," You grin at Zayn, "throw me one." He and Liam exchanged looks and then Zayn lit a cigarette up and passed it to you, "Thanks love."
"Now, come on. I'll give you a ride." Zayn stood up, and walked out the door. Before you left, you gave Liam a hug.
"Thanks, Zayn. I must look like a prostite, and this whole thing was for nothing." He shrugged, then smirked.
"Now I know where to find you!" I rolled my eyes and laughed.
"AND I'm giving Callahue a special limit for you, you're a rowdy one!" I slap his arm.
"God, shut up! " Talking and laughing the whole ride, you got to the building.
"Bloody hell, Sabrina. You are so cheeky! No wonder you and Harry are going out!" I smiled Zayn goodbye and elevated up to the top level. Slowly opening the door, I saw Harry sitting on the couch talking to who was probably Louis on speaker phone.
"God, Lou! I'm never going to get her back! I hit her!"
"Not on purpose, mate!" He looked up and saw me after Dusty ran over to him. I hung up my coat and waited for him to stand up. He stared for a while then smiled.
"Umm...hello? Am I not making it obvious that I'm waiting for you to come over and give me a kiss?" I ask cheekily.
"What...wait does this mean you love me?"
"Are you serious right now? Harry, I forgive you. Now please?" He runs over, picks me up at my waist, and gives me a kiss. I kiss back, holding my cigarette in my hand. After we pull away, he grabs it.
"What were you doing?" He asks.
"Messing around." I reply. He throws it on the ground and steps on it.
"Promise you won't do that again."
"Promise." It honestly wasn't that good anyway, my mouth felt dryer than ever. He looks at my face, then slowly turns my head to the left.
"Did-did I do that to you?" Harry asks, in a sad voice.
"It was an accident, don't worry too much. He nods, swallowing, then leads you to the couch.
"Hi Louis!" I yell into the phone.
"Wait, you guys already made up?" I smirk towards Harry.
"Didn't you hear?" You kiss Harry again, enough to make one of those smooch noises and hold the phone close to your lips.
"OOOOOH! HAPPY ENDINGS!" Louis yells, "Wait, Eleanor, was that a crunch! OH MY GOD YOU HAVE CARROTS!" He hung up the phone immediately.
"I'm really sorry, again." I shake my head.
"Its fine, but if you ever do it again...." He smiles at me.
"Want to go get some lunch?"
"Absolutely," I pick up Harry's phone, "Let's call Niall." He nods, then grins.
"Where to?" I flash a brighter grin.

Soon we're out of the door.
But of course, there's a bump in the road to the perfect day.

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