It Came To This

It came to this... the panic of not being loved.

Chapter 1

It Came to This

Raven used to be a bright, passionate, beautiful girl. She had great success in all aspects of her schooling and hobbies. Her parents were supportive and kind, they loved her with all their hearts. That was, until her mother died in a car accident. After that her father had no time for her and whenever he was home he was angry and would lash out. But little did her father know that Raven knew exactly why. She looked exactly like her mother, from the same long black curly hair to her sky blue eyes. But this is what made Raven forgive her father each time he would hit her. But sometimes you can’t take it anymore.

It was September 2012 when Raven and her father moved from their home in South Australia to Waverly, New South Wales. Raven began school at St Clare’s College at the end of grade 9.

"Hi, my name is Lillie" chimed a girl with long blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes.

"Hi, I am Raven" Raven replied, offering a small smile to the girl, Lillie.

"You're in my home room" smiled Lille, looking down at the handbook Raven was holding, "Come with me, I'll show you where to go"

As the two girls walked through the halls a few of the other kids started pointing and laughing in Ravens direction. Lillie looked over at Raven and saw how the laughing was affecting her; she wasn’t shocked by Ravens expression in the least.

"Don't you all have something better to do then laugh at the new girl?" Lillie shouted, her booming voice quieting the whole hall.

"Dude have you seen her face?" snickered a boy on the far side of the hall.

"So what? It doesn't matter!" Lillie retorted, "You should be ashamed of yourselves!"

Lillie grabbed Ravens arm and dragged her into one of the classrooms.

"Sorry about them, they have no manners or respect." Raven nodded, still embarrassed. "If you don't mind me asking how did you get that scar?"

Raven looked down meekly, "It was an accident, I made my father angry and he threw a plate. But he was sorry"

"Your father did that to you? Where was your mother?" Lillie questioned gently.

"She’s dead" Raven chocked.

"Oh… I'm sorry!" grimaced Lillie, "If you ever need someone to talk to or to stay with, I'm here. Which may be weird cause we only-"

"Thank you, Lillie" Raven gave another short smile.

"That's okay, Ray" giggled Lillie. Just at that moment the bell rang signaling the start of the day.

As the bus headed for home all Raven could think was those kids pointing and laughing at her. Why would they do that? They didn't know her story, yet they tease and laugh at her. Was this how cruel the whole world was? No, she thought, not everyone, not Lillie.

As she arrived home is was already 4:30pm, her father would be home in an hour and expect dinner to be ready and the house tidy. So she got to work, she but the meat on for dinner first, knowing that by the time everything else was done it would be ready. She quickly vacuumed all the floors and prepared the rest of the meal. 10 minutes to go and she still had to get dressed and set the table. She set the table and ran upstairs to get dressed. As she finished brushing her hair she heard her fathers' car pull unto the driveway.

"Hello Daddy!" Raven smiled, kissing her father on the cheek.

"Good evening, Pumpkin" he smiled back and set his briefcase on the ground. "I expect tea will be ready?"

Just as if on cue the smoke alarm started screaming wildly. Her father gave her a look, one Raven knew all too well before racing to the kitchen. Raven knew she was going to be punished, she always knew, but still she followed her father to the kitchen. When she arrived her father was batting the meat which was burning.

"Daddy, I'm so sor-" Raven started, only to receive a sharp slap across her cheek.

"You stupid fool! How could you be so idiotic? I never raised a stupid child!" Her father screamed, "You're worthless. Can you ever do anything right?"

"Daddy, I didn-" Raven stammered, crying and trying to reach out to her father.

She closed her eyes when she saw his hand rise. As expected his hand connected with her cheek again, knocking her to the ground.

"Get out of my sight you sickening child!" he fumed.

Raven got up and ran to her bedroom. Never had she felt so mad before, not only mad but humiliated, scared, alone and strangely determined, determined to put her suffering to an end, to hurt her father as much as she could and rid the world of her worthlessness. As she ran to the bathroom she heard her father cursing downstairs. But nothing could stop her, well, that’s what she thought. She got out her fathers' painkillers and tipped the whole bottle onto her hand. She stared at the little white pills, thinking.

"Pain killers kill the pain…" she said softly before popping them all into her mouth. They took effect almost immediately, she started feeling light headed and she could almost swear she heard her father scream out her name before she passed out.

Ravens recovery took three months; one of those was spent in hospital, medically recovering. The other two were spent with Lillie, Raven hadn't wanted to go back to her father after her overdose, he was the reason she was in this situation and she definitely didn’t want to go back to that anytime soon. She heard that her father was taking anger management courses and was undergoing counseling. In her second month with Lillie she decided she wanted to go visit her father.

As Lillie's mother drove up to the home, Raven's nerves started to build. She didn't want her father to ever hurt her again but she missed him and wanted to see him. When Raven walked into the house she could tell her father hadn't been looking after the house or himself. She found him in the kitchen with a bottle of wine in his hand.

"Raven, what are you doing here? You shouldn't be here" he slurred, not making eye contact with his daughter.

"I wanted to see you, Daddy, to make sure you were okay." Raven replied, her voice shaking with nerves.

"Well, you shouldn't have come." He said again, walking to the opposite side of the kitchen, where all the utensils were.

"Daddy, I'm glad you are getting help." Raven offered.

"Really? Raven you do know how sorry I am, don't you?" he said, picking something up of the bench.

"Yes Daddy and I forgive you" Raven replied as calmly as she could.

"You look so much like your mother" he stated, walking towards his daughter, the blade of the knife glistening in the light.

"Daddy, please don't do this" Raven gasped, backing away.

"Do what? Oh, I'm going to put an end to your pain once and for all" he snarled.

"It's okay Daddy, I am happy know, see!" Raven showed her father the biggest smile she could muster.

"Honey, I love you, I always have and always will" her father said softly as he raised the knife.

"I love you too" Raven whispered closing her eyes and waiting for the searing pain, but it didn’t come. When she braved herself to open her eyes she saw the knife lodged in her fathers' chest, his breathing slow and erratic but still persisting, his blood sparkling in the light. Ravens heart stopped beating for a second and she hurried over to her father.

"Daddy? Please don’t leave me!" Raven cried, hugging her father, "I need you!"

"You are so much like your mother…" her father whispered just before he took his last breath.

Hey guys, thanks for reading! :) Please comment on what you thought! xx


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