Maybe One Day

A Poem

by A. R. McIntyre

Chapter 1

Maybe One Day

I can't take it,
The feeling of slipping.
But this habit.
I'm sure I'm shaking.

When I'm sick you say whatever.
But it feels like forever,
Til something happens and you notice.
I can feel the bittersweet justice.

Maybe one day I'll finally break.
Maybe one day these feelings I'll shake.
Maybe one day you'll finally care.
Maybe one day these scars I wont bare.

But for now, I'll keep pretending,
To be strong and brave.
And maybe my wounds will start mending.
No longer do I want to be in this cave.
Alone and afraid of my own skin.
It's collapsing and it's crumbling.
Maybe one day this battle I'll win.
Never will you hear these secrets I'm mumbling.

My eyes are sore,
From crying.
My throat is strained,
From screaming.
My fists are bloody,
From hitting the wall.
Over, and over again.

How much longer will it take?
How much longer will I fake?
How much longer till I break?
How much longer will I lie?
How much longer will I try?
How much longer til I cry?

I can feel my edges are jaded.
I notice my eyes are faded.
I see how I no longer laugh.
I see how I can't have any joy.

I know how it feels to be abandoned.
Forgotten, abused.
Betrayed and used.
I'm used to feeling these things.
I just bury them away.
To feel another day.

But that day is soon approaching.
And inside myself I'm searching,
For a way to escape my feelings.
But how long has it been since these wounds have been healing?

I'm sick and I'm tired.
I'm high strung and wired.
I'm jumpy and I'm fired up.
I'm used and I'm abused.
I'm hurting and I'm wounded.

But I need to forget myself.
Drift off into another world.
And maybe no one will know.
How I live such a life.

So used,
No trust.

This is how I live.
And this is how I'll die.
Despite every attempt.
Every cry.
No matter how hard I may try.
Or lie.


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