Walls

Poem

Chapter 1

Walls

These walls that I had been building up for years.
All the times I shed silent tears.
All the times I pleaded, landing on deaf ears.
All the time suffering from my fears.
The nights I spent screaming, yet no one hears.

How long had these walls been crumbling.
Falling, fading, crashing, tumbling.
I didn't even realize it had happened before it was to late.
I didn't want to believe at first, what a cruel fate.

I hadn't even realized I had let others in until they weren't there anymore.
Why had I been so naive, thinking they'd be there forever?
But that's what I get I suppose, I even saw them leave through the door.
At first they were always there, but slowly they faded away without a trace, how clever.

I wonder how long it will take me to build up my defenses again.
Just when I thought I could let people in, they just ran.
Never saw them again.
I'll never again let anyone in.

It was childish of me, no doubt.
The walls are gone, I really just want to scream and shout.
Honestly, I should have known not to.
After everything I should have known what to do.

These thing I try so hard to hide.
The hurtful comments I always let slide.
Always show a poker face.
The hollow smile I always grace.
Even when it seems so out of place.

Will my walls ever be built back up,
Or will they completely collapse on me?
Some day I know I'll give up,
But when will that day be?

I've let to many people in now, I'm sure of it.
Looking at my wall, wondering what's left of it.
Knowing it's crumbling bit by bit.
Someday I'll get rid of it.


Have you ever been so alone that when someone actually talks to you its a surprise?
Have you ever told someone something, knowing that these words you speak are all lies.
Like how I always tell people I'm happy, yet no one knows of my silent cries.
Sometimes, rare times, I do wish that I have allies.
So after a late night, I wont be alone when I see the sunrise.

I wish that my walls were up still.
Everything just seems to surreal.
Nothing I touch even seems real.
Everything's so numb I can't even feel.

What happened to my wall?
Didn't realize how hard I would fall.
Do you people even care at all?
It always seems so dark when I walk down this hall,
And suddenly I feel so very small.
Like a little kid, and I want to bawl
My eyes out and crawl
Somewhere safe and call
Out to someone, any one at all.

I've been alone for a while,
With these walls, to everyone else I'm an exile.
Sometimes I wonder if I can every truly smile.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm even stable.


When walls have been set up for years,
It's strange when it all suddenly disappears.
And you don't know what to do, filled with your anxiety and fears.
Everyday you feel like shouting and bursting into tears.

I'm sorry if I''m socially awkward.
I'm sorry if I may seem like a coward.
I'm sorry, but I've always silently suffered.
So don't get mad when I say I'm fine, it's a lie and it's absurd.
How can I be fine? When I'm to afraid to move forward.


I'm strange, Deranged one might even say.
But I built these walls for a reason, and I want them to stay.

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