Oh Hawt Damn

I am at the height of borednesssnesss...wut? o.O

Chapter 1


Let me tell you something about Edward Cullen. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first girlfriend Cho who was totally gorgeous but then she started getting all weird over her dead boyfriend, and Edward was like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Cho, he’d be like, “Why didn’t you write me back?” And I’d be like, “Why do you sparkle in the sun?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-wizard quidditch party, I was like, “Edward, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re a fairy.” I mean I couldn’t have a fairy at my party. There were gonna be people there who could see him. I mean, right? He is a FAIRY. So then his dad called my god-father to yell at him, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of school because no one would talk to him, and he came back in the fall, and he was dating this stupid bimbo and she was totally weird, and now I guess they’re vampires.



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