Read If You Want. I Don't Effing Care.
All right, you know that peppy, upbeat, slightly annoying girl most of you talk to? Her name is GraceAnne.
That's me.
What you don't know is I can be an excellent actress. Yes, it's true, sometimes, most of the time actually, I'm that crazy chick who can bring a smile to people's faces.
Not all the time. Like right about now.
No, right now I'm rather pissed. At what, you ask? Everything.
My family. My school. My friends. My life.
No, I can be a thirteen-year-old girl with an extremely bad attitude sometimes. It happens spontaneously. I'm not bipolar, I just have ups and downs. This would be a down. It's even worse when it's my time of the month, such as this lovely, fine week.
I'm not like some of you. I don't have abusive parents, I'm not hiding behind the Internet, my parents don't get drunk all the time. We don't even curse at my house. No, something else makes me mad.
I've grown up in a Christian home and school my whole life. My parents love me and would do anything for me. I'm not a Christian.
I considered myself one for the first twelve years of my life. No, it's incredibly hard to be saved at age five in kindergarten when you don't know what you're getting yourself into.
Every day at school, our teachers tell us to "Be ourselves!" while they bombard us with religion every five minutes. What if myself isn't religious? What if I don't give a damn?
Then I'm instantly shunned, scolded, and shipped off to the principal's office. They can't convert me. They can't make me. A religion is a personal choice. No one should force it on you. That's wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I don't care if you're Christian, Muslim, Atheist, Hindu or any other religion. I'm fine with any and all beliefs.
I'm just sick of the ones being forced on me. I don't honestly know what I am. I still believe in God, definitely. I guess it's just because I've grown up with the vision of God watching over me all the time.
I just don't trust in Him anymore.
I'm not a good person, not by a long shot. I won't hesitate to flip someone off or cuss them out if it comes to it. I'll punch someone in the face before I even think about it. I lie to my parents. A lot.
Does anyone else miss when they were eight and the world was a good place? Not a junkyard filled with deceit and trickery, but a safe haven with sunshine and safety? I do. I'm only thirteen, and I know all of you guys are thinking Only thirteen? Geez, you must think you're some old geezer!
No, I know I'm young. Especially to those older than me. I'm just another insignificant, lost thirteen year old on this damn planet.
But I'm scared, too. I can't shake the image of Hell. It plagues me wherever I go, like it's striking me in the side. I have dreams about it. It seems church and Bible class are modeled after how horrible Hell is.
And, since I believe in God, I believe in Heaven and Hell. I'm no fool. If I were to die right now, I know where I'd be going. I've been told you can't get to Heaven by good works, and I fully believe that.
But I'm not going to devote my life to anything while I'm still so confused about this. God, to me, seems like a giant Puppetmaster in the sky.
He didn't have to make Adam and Eve eat the fruit in the Garden. Hell, He didn't even have to make us! We could've just not existed! But if He did make us, why not let us all go to Heaven? Is He playing favorites? Does He think our miserable lives are some mildly interesting soap opera? Does He like condemning us to torture for eternity?
While I have no doubt that God exists (I mean, Big Bang? Really? That doesn't even make sense!), I don't want to believe. It's too confusing.
I'm not dissing other religions or world views, or I don't mean to.
The only place I can be myself is here. There are all sorts of people on Quibblo. Potterheads, Hunger Games Freaks, emos, preps, StarKiddies, everyone! There's a place for everyone. Not at school.
Sometimes I just want to stick my middle finger up at everyone, throw my head back, and yell, "Fùck it all!" Like today.
I'm angry and I hardly know why. I know this is basically one of those religious rants everyone tries to steer clear of.
Honestly, I don't care if you comment or not. I just need to get this off my chest. And you know what? It didn't make me feel better.
That's me.
What you don't know is I can be an excellent actress. Yes, it's true, sometimes, most of the time actually, I'm that crazy chick who can bring a smile to people's faces.
Not all the time. Like right about now.
No, right now I'm rather pissed. At what, you ask? Everything.
My family. My school. My friends. My life.
No, I can be a thirteen-year-old girl with an extremely bad attitude sometimes. It happens spontaneously. I'm not bipolar, I just have ups and downs. This would be a down. It's even worse when it's my time of the month, such as this lovely, fine week.
I'm not like some of you. I don't have abusive parents, I'm not hiding behind the Internet, my parents don't get drunk all the time. We don't even curse at my house. No, something else makes me mad.
I've grown up in a Christian home and school my whole life. My parents love me and would do anything for me. I'm not a Christian.
I considered myself one for the first twelve years of my life. No, it's incredibly hard to be saved at age five in kindergarten when you don't know what you're getting yourself into.
Every day at school, our teachers tell us to "Be ourselves!" while they bombard us with religion every five minutes. What if myself isn't religious? What if I don't give a damn?
Then I'm instantly shunned, scolded, and shipped off to the principal's office. They can't convert me. They can't make me. A religion is a personal choice. No one should force it on you. That's wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I don't care if you're Christian, Muslim, Atheist, Hindu or any other religion. I'm fine with any and all beliefs.
I'm just sick of the ones being forced on me. I don't honestly know what I am. I still believe in God, definitely. I guess it's just because I've grown up with the vision of God watching over me all the time.
I just don't trust in Him anymore.
I'm not a good person, not by a long shot. I won't hesitate to flip someone off or cuss them out if it comes to it. I'll punch someone in the face before I even think about it. I lie to my parents. A lot.
Does anyone else miss when they were eight and the world was a good place? Not a junkyard filled with deceit and trickery, but a safe haven with sunshine and safety? I do. I'm only thirteen, and I know all of you guys are thinking Only thirteen? Geez, you must think you're some old geezer!
No, I know I'm young. Especially to those older than me. I'm just another insignificant, lost thirteen year old on this damn planet.
But I'm scared, too. I can't shake the image of Hell. It plagues me wherever I go, like it's striking me in the side. I have dreams about it. It seems church and Bible class are modeled after how horrible Hell is.
And, since I believe in God, I believe in Heaven and Hell. I'm no fool. If I were to die right now, I know where I'd be going. I've been told you can't get to Heaven by good works, and I fully believe that.
But I'm not going to devote my life to anything while I'm still so confused about this. God, to me, seems like a giant Puppetmaster in the sky.
He didn't have to make Adam and Eve eat the fruit in the Garden. Hell, He didn't even have to make us! We could've just not existed! But if He did make us, why not let us all go to Heaven? Is He playing favorites? Does He think our miserable lives are some mildly interesting soap opera? Does He like condemning us to torture for eternity?
While I have no doubt that God exists (I mean, Big Bang? Really? That doesn't even make sense!), I don't want to believe. It's too confusing.
I'm not dissing other religions or world views, or I don't mean to.
The only place I can be myself is here. There are all sorts of people on Quibblo. Potterheads, Hunger Games Freaks, emos, preps, StarKiddies, everyone! There's a place for everyone. Not at school.
Sometimes I just want to stick my middle finger up at everyone, throw my head back, and yell, "Fùck it all!" Like today.
I'm angry and I hardly know why. I know this is basically one of those religious rants everyone tries to steer clear of.
Honestly, I don't care if you comment or not. I just need to get this off my chest. And you know what? It didn't make me feel better.
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79 Comments
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Hey babe,
you
me,
EXACTLY the same!
I'm 14 as of now, and having grown up with a Muslin view of life, have decided I don't believe in God. I don't mind that other people do, but I don't like it when I'm at home and everything my mom says has to do with God, she won't shut up about it. Me: "I hope I get into teh program" mom :" You will if God wants you to" -__- like wat at the... ? your supposed to tell me that I tried my best or watever. She always says thisg like that and they aggravate me. So I understand!
GraceAnne Foxface Stokes, don't you fvcking dare do any of that. You are absoultly beatiful and as close to perfect as it gets. If I find that you actually are anorexic, I am going down to South Carolina and kicking your ass. Don't cut yourself, it's just going to hurt you. You're pretty much one of the coolest people I've ever met, and I'm not the only person who loves you. Don't make me kick your butt with my 5'2 awesomeness.
Annemarie
I feel bad for you..honestly I do and when I came here I thought 'Oh my gosh she's been looking through my diary' Because my name is Graceanne and I'm kind of going through the same things you're going through if it's any consolation you're not alone :)
No. GraceAnne.
I've seen your youtube videos, and you are NOT fat. I'm telling you now.
Anorexia can get REALLY serious. Don't, please, don't.
oh My God! I'm sorry....I'll be your friend! I'll laugh with you and listen to you and coach you! If you know you're anerexic try to eat. I know it's hard, but you have to to live! Talk to me if you need to...I'll b here.
GraceAnne, I think I'll message you.
Remember nobody wants to be normal. People everywhere strive to be different. In fact, nobody is normal. They jut pretend to be, and it takes a lot to be yourself. I can relate to the best friend thing. Its hard to find a best friend who wont stab you in the back. I guess all my rambling is to point out that, well, I love who you are. Sincerely, I wanted to be like you at one point. ^.^ And I have never met you, so you can understand how well your personality projects to others. (Nocharecters)
Graceanne...you are absolutely gorgeous and not fat. And I will hurt any jerks who say otherwise. I'm not gonna try and say I understand, because I don't. I don't understand how hard it is for you, but I just wish I could take it away. I wish you could see yourself how everyone else sees you: gorgeous, independent, intelligent, not afraid to have a good time, hilarious, and isn't afraid to stand up for herself. Which is the least I can say for myself. Stay you, because you are perfect. Cont.
I so agree with the whole religion thing!
For chapter 4- I know you want to raise your self-esteem and lose weight, I've done the same thing you're doing. But don't starve yourself. It's easy to cave and my parents actually guessed what I was doing. I bet you're not fat, and not ugly (there are very few people who are actually ugly when they think they are) and cutting... I don't have any experience with it but I'm pretty sure it won't help.