Read If You Want. I Don't Effing Care.

Chapter 1

Life Sucks, Then You Die and Go To Hell

All right, you know that peppy, upbeat, slightly annoying girl most of you talk to? Her name is GraceAnne.

That's me.

What you don't know is I can be an excellent actress. Yes, it's true, sometimes, most of the time actually, I'm that crazy chick who can bring a smile to people's faces.

Not all the time. Like right about now.

No, right now I'm rather pissed. At what, you ask? Everything.

My family. My school. My friends. My life.

No, I can be a thirteen-year-old girl with an extremely bad attitude sometimes. It happens spontaneously. I'm not bipolar, I just have ups and downs. This would be a down. It's even worse when it's my time of the month, such as this lovely, fine week.

I'm not like some of you. I don't have abusive parents, I'm not hiding behind the Internet, my parents don't get drunk all the time. We don't even curse at my house. No, something else makes me mad.

I've grown up in a Christian home and school my whole life. My parents love me and would do anything for me. I'm not a Christian.

I considered myself one for the first twelve years of my life. No, it's incredibly hard to be saved at age five in kindergarten when you don't know what you're getting yourself into.

Every day at school, our teachers tell us to "Be ourselves!" while they bombard us with religion every five minutes. What if myself isn't religious? What if I don't give a damn?

Then I'm instantly shunned, scolded, and shipped off to the principal's office. They can't convert me. They can't make me. A religion is a personal choice. No one should force it on you. That's wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I don't care if you're Christian, Muslim, Atheist, Hindu or any other religion. I'm fine with any and all beliefs.

I'm just sick of the ones being forced on me. I don't honestly know what I am. I still believe in God, definitely. I guess it's just because I've grown up with the vision of God watching over me all the time.

I just don't trust in Him anymore.

I'm not a good person, not by a long shot. I won't hesitate to flip someone off or cuss them out if it comes to it. I'll punch someone in the face before I even think about it. I lie to my parents. A lot.

Does anyone else miss when they were eight and the world was a good place? Not a junkyard filled with deceit and trickery, but a safe haven with sunshine and safety? I do. I'm only thirteen, and I know all of you guys are thinking Only thirteen? Geez, you must think you're some old geezer!

No, I know I'm young. Especially to those older than me. I'm just another insignificant, lost thirteen year old on this damn planet.

But I'm scared, too. I can't shake the image of Hell. It plagues me wherever I go, like it's striking me in the side. I have dreams about it. It seems church and Bible class are modeled after how horrible Hell is.

And, since I believe in God, I believe in Heaven and Hell. I'm no fool. If I were to die right now, I know where I'd be going. I've been told you can't get to Heaven by good works, and I fully believe that.

But I'm not going to devote my life to anything while I'm still so confused about this. God, to me, seems like a giant Puppetmaster in the sky.

He didn't have to make Adam and Eve eat the fruit in the Garden. Hell, He didn't even have to make us! We could've just not existed! But if He did make us, why not let us all go to Heaven? Is He playing favorites? Does He think our miserable lives are some mildly interesting soap opera? Does He like condemning us to torture for eternity?

While I have no doubt that God exists (I mean, Big Bang? Really? That doesn't even make sense!), I don't want to believe. It's too confusing.

I'm not dissing other religions or world views, or I don't mean to.

The only place I can be myself is here. There are all sorts of people on Quibblo. Potterheads, Hunger Games Freaks, emos, preps, StarKiddies, everyone! There's a place for everyone. Not at school.

Sometimes I just want to stick my middle finger up at everyone, throw my head back, and yell, "Fùck it all!" Like today.

I'm angry and I hardly know why. I know this is basically one of those religious rants everyone tries to steer clear of.

Honestly, I don't care if you comment or not. I just need to get this off my chest. And you know what? It didn't make me feel better.

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