I'm done.

Chapter 1

Too much...

Do you remember, about six months ago, when Quibblo and Chatzy were places that you could talk to your friends about happy, trivial stuff?

I wish we could go back to that.

There's people deleting left and right on Quibblo. Hearts are being broken. Lives are ruined. Wasn't Quibblo made so that people could be happy, become friends, make a few quizzes? Now look at it.

When Chatzy was discovered, it seemed a blessing. We could talk to our friends automatically! We didn't need hassle with messages, as long as we were in the same chat room as our friends. We had practically been begging the Quibblo Guy for Instant Messaging, and here it came. Now look at it.

I have problems, like all of us. My mother has several mental diseases: schizophrenia, bipolar, depression, and others that I probably don't know about. On top of those, diabetes and fibromalygia, again probably more.

All of those are heritable.

I'm in danger of getting every single one of those. I almost know for sure that I'm bipolar. And I feel depression coming on like a bad cold. And the cause? Chatzy, mostly.

My mom has tried to kill herself twice. She's had several mental breakdowns and is a cutter. She's a very strong woman, but sometimes everything is too much on her. She and my dad have an open marriage, practically. She's fallen for a lot of hopeless cases, cuz she likes to help people. Feels close to them, I guess, since she herself is pretty messed up. I've been through some pretty tough times with her, and I felt detached from it all.

Is it finally catching up with me? Am I finally feeling what I should have been feeling during the last time she went through a breakdown?

I'm cutting again. It's been years since the I quit the first time, but it's back. Cutting is like cancer -- you can never really stop it. I now realize how stupid I was when trying to convince others to stop. It's near impossible.

I've been hurt by two people on Quibblo/Chatzy. Brad was a fake. I thought it had been a mistake to break up with him, but now I realize that it was a good thing. I know I'm not the only one who's hurt by that, either. Julie....I don't think I need to say it. I'm sure you know what I'm meaning.

The other, I'm using a code name for. Yes, they're on Quibblo and Chatzy, and I'm sure they know who they are. "Sara" helped me figure out my sexuality, helped me figure out that I was bi. She said she liked me as much as another said person, but even though I may have asked her first, she chose the other one. I'm not going to act as if it doesn't hurt.

My life is shiit. I haven't told many people about any of this. My parents don't know, they don't even suspect. I put up a carefree, happy facade. Sometimes it's a true mood, but others it's just to hide how much I hurt. I'm lonely, I'm afraid. It's all too much.

I know you guys can't help me. I know my friends love me, but they can't help. And after what happened with "Brad", I don't know if I can trust anyone anymore.

Thanks for reading. Hope you have a life happier than mine.


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