53 Crazy Things To Do In The Mall


Chapter 1

53 Crazy Things

• Walk in a single-file line, in step with the person in front of you.

• When you come to the benches in the middle of the mall, walk on top of them instead of going around them.

• Ask the salespeople in the stores where the uniforms they wear are sold in the store (for example, in Bath and Body Works ask where you can buy their vests)

• Ride a hobby-horse around the mall, holding the reins and yelling, "Whoa Betsy!"

• Talk in third person at all times.

• Carry a Pez dispenser and offer strangers a Pez.

• Wear camouflage and sneak around like you think no one can see you.

• If the loudspeaker comes on, tell the voices in your head to shut up.

• When asked if you need help continue yelling out "WHAT?!?!"

• Wear a fake sheriff badge and carry around a stack of post-it notes writing up tickets and warnings to people walking down the mall.

• Randomly throw temper tantrums.

• Walk 5 ft. behind someone at all times. When he/she enters a store wait at the entrance of the store until he/she comes back out.

• When walking, walk in a perfectly straight line, only turning at 90 degree angles.

• Add "ong" to the end of every word you use when you speak to the salespeople.

• In every store you enter that is not a department store, ask where the lingerie department is.

• Be a still model in a store that doesn't sell clothes.

• Accuse someone of stealing your bag.

• Go in 579 and ask for size 13.

• Skip or gallop wherever you go.

• Say punctuation out loud. For example, say, "Ma'am comma would you please help me find a pink comma red comma and blue shirt question mark?"

• At all times pretend to have an imaginary friend. When asked if you need help begin by gesturing to the air next to you and saying, "Well, my friend here..."

• Go in a store with a friend who pretends to be deaf. Ask the salesperson if he/she will help your deaf friend find the right clothes while you go to the bathroom.

• When in the bathroom stall suddenly exclaim, "Corn! When did I eat corn?"

• Wear a motorcycle helmet and have a bike lock. Pretend to park your motorcycle when you enter a store.

• Carry a tablecloth and picnic basket. Order take-out at the Food Court and spread out you tablecloth in the middle of the mall and enjoy your meal.

• When asked "May I help you?" bow or curtsey.

• Walk up to someone you don't know and pretend to know them. Continue for as long as you can.

• Take a tootsie pop and hold it like a microphone in a person's face. Ask him/her how many licks it takes him/her to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

• Ask a passerby to scratch your back for you. If they do, make obscene noises when they do so.

• Try to get everybody in line for Chick-fil-a to do the Chicken Dance.

• Go with a friend. Join yourselves together with one of those things parents attach to their children's wrists.

• If you're a female, drag your purse behind you. Pull on it and pat your leg, saying "Hurry up old boy!"

• Ask the cashier if you could ring your purchase up.

• Ask if they accept credit cards and then pay cash.

• Bargain

• Barter

• Carry a rubber duckey with you. Pet him, talk in a baby voice to him, and set him down gently on the counter when you pay.

• In the food court ask if this seat is taken and then walk away.

• Carry around a can of EasyCheese. Randomly ask people, "Would you like cheese with that?"

• When walking down the center of the mall point at nothing and start laughing hysterically.

• Put down every store loudly as you exit by saying, "THIS PLACE SUCKS!"

• Take a baby doll with you and ask bystanders to baby-sit while you try on clothes.

• Constantly move your mouth as if you were talking.

• Sing opera-style everything you would normally say.

• Ask the Dollar Store if they have a lay-away plan.

• Buy one jelly bean at the candy store and have them weigh it.

• Take a Big Wheels and wear leather.

• Be very hostile when someone asks to help you.

• Walk in a weave (crossing each others path), this keeps strangers away, the more the better! Also, yell at those things that people put money in, and take the money out.

• Go in a store and ask a lot of questions about one product. In the middle of the explination, walk out.


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