Possibly the most inspirational and true thought ever READ INTRO!!!

This pretty much changed my life. I feel exactly the same way. {expect for the working out part, XD} I feel the need to stop cutting and bleeding, I know it's wrong. But I can't. This is by Joshualovesyou. Go friend him, make him feel better. NOONE {not even Lord Voldemort} deserves the life that I'm living. That he's living. No one.

Chapter 1

The thought.

Im such an angry fvcking kid nowadays,
angry and hateful, to everything.
and i don't mean to just some things,
i mean seriously, 99% of everything fvcking thing out there.
it pisses me off to no extent.
friends that i once loved and talked to daily,
i could care less if they all fvcking died.
they all piss me off so badly nowadays,
and it's for absolutely no reason.
my father, who i once loved and said was the best thing ever,
pisses me off more than anyone here.
i leave the house everyday to jog and run,
just to get the fvck away from him for an hour.
and to try and clear my mind, and try to think happy.
it's fvcking stupid. why am i so angry?
i'm not just angry, i'm fvcking depressed ontop of it.
i've been diagnosed with depression since i was 8.
and it only got fvcking worse as the days went on.
things like this bring thoughts of suicide to my head.
"Oh but think of all the people that love you!"
think about how much i don't give a fvck about them anymore.
i put on masks of a person i'm not to deal with them.
the happy kid that everyone likes.
i'm not happy. i'm not.
i'm fvcking angry, if you could tell.
it's so wrong.
i hope someone i hate tries to pick a fight with me soon.
i'll fvcking kill them and get sent to prison.
maybe there i'll be happy?
anything to change how i feel, i don't care how drastic.
i can't even have my phone on anymore,
because everytime it vibrates i get pissed off.
things i used to do to calm myself down dont work.
i used to run a few miles, now all i do is run faster and faster until i pass out.
i used to do pushups and situps, now all it does it get me ready to kill someone.
i used to punch the punching bag, now all i see is me breaking open the faces of people.
the one thing that ever kept me happy isn't here anymore,
and why?
because of a bullf*ckingshiit family that decides to throw her around state to state like a fvcking package.
and now people are trying to fvcking break us apart.
i'll kill, everysingle one of you aggervating little cvnts.
all i want is an outlet, i need it so badly.
people tell me to look up, look at the future and all it's wonders!
people in africa cant, they don't have shi!t.
people with cancer cant, they cant do anything and are going to most likely die.
people who’re blind/deaf/dumb/down syndrome, they cant.
i have everything i need to be a happy kid,
with promises for the future with no disease.
so, why can't i be happy?
i TRY, looking up at the future,
i TRY to see all the bright things i have and how lucky i am,
how i know people in other countries are fighting just to live,
for a meal every otherday, while i get 3 meals a day, and more if i want.
but i'm not happy.
all i want is that one thing that does make me happy.
i love you so much, it's unfvckingbelievable.
but you're not even here, and it only kills me more.
all i see in my future is me dangling by a rope,
or in a stray jacket.
for the love of god, i don't even have faith in things i once did.
including god.
why the hell would he curse me with this problem since i was only fvcking 8.
8, fvcking 8 years old. who does that?
to make me stronger in the future?
to make my life harder, but i'll bust through like a super happy person or some shiit?
fvcking shiit. none of it does.
you could fix everything i've been dealing with, for 7 years.
and you could make it go away.
i think if that happened, i would be more than ready for the future and everything it has.
"oh, you're just a teen with mood swings and you're gonna change yer mood in 5 minutes."
i been feeling like this,
please, for the love of god,
if anyone has gone through this for so long,
and has gotten through it,
please tell me your secret.
how you made it,
how you came out,
and how everything is now.
what you did to make it through,
and everything else.
i don't need therapy dad, i really don't.
i need a hug,
i need someone to talk to me, and tell me what they did.
anything, please,
i want help.


© 2019 Polarity Technologies

Invite Next Author

Write a short message (optional)

or via Email

Enter Quibblo Username


Report This Content