101 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen

101 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
read them their oberfunny!!!

Chapter 1

101 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen

101 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen
1. Call him Eddy all the time
2. Give yourself a paper cut and make a point of showing him the blood then put it in your mouth. Say Mmmm Delicious! Want some?
3. Say you dont look that scary
4. Use vampire expression like holy Dracula and good bye sweet Transylvania
5. Visualize yourself naked
6. Ask him to help you do something impossible (save the world, build an atomic clock help you with your calculus ect). When he has trouble say never mind I’m sure Jacob could help me
7. Drive REALLY slow
8. Volunteer him for a blood drive
9. Hold up a bottle of ketchup and say look!! BLOOOOOD OOOOOOOO
10. Hang posters that say I support Jacob Black and Jacob Black for President All over his room
11. Throw him to the crazy fan girl hordes.
12. Tie Bella to some railroad tracks When he gets mad say Wow a little overprotective arent we? Im sure Jacob wouldnt have a problem with this.
13. Say Hey arent you that guy from Harry Potter?
14. Tell him that Emmet is a cooler vampire than him.
15. Tell him that Jane has the coolest vampire power. Mention that it’s significantly better than mind reading.
16. Continually suggest that he’d be better off eating Bella rather than dating her.
17. Mention that he isnt a real vampire.
18. When flying on an airplane say If this plane crashes on an island we eat Bella first.
19. Suggest that his life is too stressful. Recommend aromatherapy.
20. When he announces his wedding say Why? Is Bella pregnant?
21. Leave bloody dead animals around him. Insist that youre helping with the aromatherapy.
22. Invite Jacob’s whole family to the wedding. When he gets mad say I was just trying to help.
23. Invite the Volturi to the wedding.
24. Make a list of the ways that werewolves are cooler than vampires. Show it to him. Act offended when he gets mad.
25. Tell him that he’s too closed-minded: he needs to welcome people of all cultures into his life.
26. Talk in Ebonics.
27. Tell him to bear in mind other people’s thoughts.
28. Kidnap Bella. When he asks where she is say Don’t worry about it.
29. When he threatens to kill you say Now now arent we being a little hasty?
30. When he really is going to kill you blame Alice Say she took her to LA to go shopping
31. Poke him
32. When he talks about how painful his transformation was say Oh yeah your life is soooo hard.
33. When he talks about how much he loves Bella say Arent you a little young to know what love is? Maybe you should wait till youre a few years older.
34. Make Bella wear a team Jacob shirt.
35. Suggest that he and Bella take some time off to see other people Recommend Jessica Stanley for him
36. Run over his Volvo with Bella’s truck
37. While hes listening tell Bella she deserves something better.
38. Invite him to go to the beach with you.
39. Read the back of the Twilight books to him Bonus points for using a dramatic announcer voice
40. Blame him for all of Bella’s past injuries.
41. Constantly hint at how good Bella must smell.
42. Visualize his life in 20 years SUV suburban house 12 kids
43. Laugh when Bella trips Loudly
44. Shine a bright light in his face. Say Darnit you didn’t go all sparkly.
45. Buy a copy of Breaking Dawn on the black market Tell him he dies at the end.
46. Ask him where he buys his body glitter
47. Suggest self-tanner
48. When Bella says how much she loves him think then why was she making out with Jacob down at La Push yesterday?
49. When he gets mad innocently say I didn’t say anything.
50. Point out the circles under his eyes. Tell him to get more sleep.
51. Offer to lend him your concealer.
52. Withdraw the offer. Tell him that he’s too pale for this shade.
53. Suggest that a week in the tropics would do him good.
54. Tell him that we’re getting tired of his scary act.
55. Redecorate his room in a Care-bear theme.
56. Tell him that it will help him be happy
57. Buy him a wolf plushie
58. Turn his piano into a craps table.
59. Suggest that he try harder to make new friends.
60. Tell him that he should hang out with Mike Newton more often.
61. Put pretty bows in his hair while hes distracted.
62. Tell him that pretending to sleep would make him sympathize with the humans more.
63. Cook delicious-looking meals When he won’t eat them get offended Tell him I put my sweat and blood into that meal!
64. Suggest the same stupid plan over and over again. When he gets mad say Well now who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning…oh wait!
65. Tell him he could up his cool if he went out for football. Or Track.
66. Wear tinfoil on your head. When he asks why tell him that people are always trying to read your mind.
67. Give yourself a paper-cut in front of Jasper.
68. When he attacks say Bad dog down!
69. Suggest that they keep Jasper in the back yard. If he can’t be civilized well…
70. Push Bella in front of a bus.
71. Pour ketchup on Bella
72. Ask him to sign your copy of Twilight
73. Wonder loudly to yourself what The Souls are going to do with the Cullen’s when they invade
74. Plant daisies in his house
75. Break all of his CDs
76. Take Bella shopping Accidentally leave her at the mall
77. Crash his wedding
78. When he plans his wedding say Whos going to come? You know like four people.
79. Whenever he comes into the room start mentally singing the Gilligan Island theme song

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