The Pain One Feels Alone In This World

there is no introduction to this story for the story speaks for you guys xxxxxx

Chapter 1

The Pain

what did i do to deserve this?
my life is hell wat is the point of living if
everything is not worth living for?
there is always a reason for sumthing to happen
but what can be the reason for my life to be
trashed and crumpled right at my feet and
yet there is no tears to cry for the pain has
been with me for my whole life
and wat can truly be the reason for the pain to
cause me to feel this way and just for me to
react is like living hell and it tears me to
say that i really dont care anymore for life
for me is never going to be good for there is
no reason for me to live if this keeps happening

my life has come back to haunt me for the past
has been brought up and will possibly be never

tears streamed down my face for years but what
can really hurt is when the most loved person in
your life, that makes u happy and makes you feel
life, just leaves and thinks its okay to just
crumple your into tiny little pieces which need
to picked up with what is left of the perfect girl
she once was.....and just makes her feel as though
she is not a girl that can be trusted and never
to be loved....

friends can they be trusted or can they betray you
into believing sumthing is not right with sumone
else.... for i believe that ur can never trust a
person for at some stage they betray you in the
most harshest way possible... leaving you to just
fall and be crushed into those tiny pieces you
thought you would never come to be.... those tiny
pieces which just get blown away by the wind....
when one person takes something from you, you can
never get it back for that piece is gone forever
and ever.......
and when that person is the one you love the most
and can trust just happens to fight with you and
drift away to leave you in pieces is not the right
way for someone to die... so just dig me a hole
and for god sake throw me into it and burry me
alive.. for i dont give a stuff anymore for my
pain has affected me too much for me to even think
it possible for a good life to be lived in my
life and picture....

i no picture perfect girl so why does everyone
expect me to be like that for that is not me..
i am me and no one can change that no matter
who they are or what they do to me....
my life does not revolve around everyone else
for it should only revolve around the person
who lives that life for the others should be
worrying about what they should be doing and not
what the other is really doing.. for that person
has a life to attend to and maybe just maybe they
dont want others to worry about them for they
just want to be alone and never want to be fused over
and worried about til they decide to fall dead into
someone's arms crying to their death because some
idiot just killed wat is left of them.....

so for what ever reason people think it is okay for
them to pull the table cloth from underneath me
than just think of how much pain i have suffered
and still have to suffer for others have hurt
me and killed me from the inside.......
smashing the plates and glasses wit it.....

my pain affects the heart of many but does it
look as though i really think more of them
for some of them tossed me into the water
when i was not ready to swim my life marathon
or they just trampled all over the body i
once had and will never have again....

i see what everyone else sees the sky,the
grass and the rest of the stuff around us but
i put myself into that world as though i life
in it just myself living with the world
on my shoulders and thats wha everyone expects
me to do.... just carry the world on my shoulders
as though it would not hurt or cause pain inside me
so here i am taking a stand right til the end...
not living everyone elses lives not creating messes
or even getting involved in others business.....

for it hurts to see me carry out the tasks everyone
else wants me to do... i want to live what i have
left which isnt much and create me own life with the
left over pieces of my already broken life.....

the scars i have faced are wat one must never face..
the tears streamed as i cried the pain away...
leaving the pain and sting in my flesh and
relsing these would stay foreve and ever....

i have a picture of a little girl sitting down in
the field of her grandfathers farm crying away
the pain of losing her uncle and never being
able to understand..... with the pain and grieve
in her eyes...wat would one think when seeing this
after many years...well this girl looks at it every
year on the same day her uncle died and remembers the
pain, crying away wat she felt back that many years ago...
this girl reflects the pain she felt for years but no-one
ever sees it in her not a single person for she
hides it away in her real life but she hides in a fake life
to cover the mess shes been in for years so no-one
thinks less of her or thinks she is vunerable for she
can fight her own battles and knows what do to when
she is in trouble for this girl has faced to much in one
short lifetime and never wants to face this anymore for
she wants to be at the end of this horrible life and
just wants to move on but it is hard for this girl
for she does not know how for she has been living like this
for years and cant get away from the past for it pops back
up now and again for others keep reminding her.....
so whats is this girl going to do...... is she going to
hide away from years to come or is this girl going to
fight it away and create a new life.....well this
girl made up her mind she is going to fight and make
a stand and create a new life for herself which she
should have done yrs ago.......


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