0 of 6 questions.
Fine then. Question One: How would you respond in the event in which a test subject was unresponsive or defiant?
Well, I'd give 'em a little bit o' the old adventure spirit, let 'em move right on.
Well, um, I suppose it'd be a good choice to make sure they're okay, first of all. And then, probably, um, figure out why they're not doing the test.
I'd figure out what was wrong with them, and see if I could fix the problem. If not, I'd let them return home without finishing the test.
I would fix their polymerase I polypeptide A, as that would obviously be the source of the problem.
What? Why would they do that??? Did I do something wrong? No! I didn't... they did! I'll have to HURT THEM.
I was informed that we were having cake after this test. I would very much like to know the flavor of said cake. Or the size. The facts can be exchanged.
Well, the reason they wouldn't say anything? They must be from space. And I'd ask them to take me to space, yeah. And then, and then, I'd be in SPACE.
Test subject? Who? Why am I here again? What's "defiant" mean? Why are you made of metal?
Question Two. How do you feel about handling deadly neurotoxin on a daily basis?
Well, I think there could possibly be a better solution to whatever you're trying to accomplish other than using neurotoxins.
Is that one of the cake ingredients? Lovely. Can you tell me what else is in the cake? Anything, really. As long as it's about the cake.
Noo-row... nur-ow...nee... How do you say that other word? What is it? Why do you have a lady voice if you're a robot?
Wow, that must be a really important job. Unless you want to kill me. That would be BAD. Oh, but I don't want to hurt anyone! But I DO.
Uh, well, erm...
gulp I'm not sure HOW I feel about that. Uh, is there a multiple choice assignment to this, because I think I'd handle that a LOT better.
Oh, oh, oh! Neurotoxin is from space, right? Oh, I love space. I love to handle spacey things. Are we in space? Wanna go to space.
Ah, no neuro-whatchamacallit is danger to the ol' Rick! I'd feel fine with that deadly whatever you said!
Hmm, yes. I think this question would be better formed if you included the billionth digit of pi, which happens to be nine.
Hmm. Queston Three. What do you think about being subjected to tests involving multiple unknown chemical materials daily?
I would be fine as long as I would not be in contact with the poison of the orange ruffy, whose entire body, excepting its eyes, secretes a powerful, deadly poison.
What KIND of chemical materials? Like Jell-O? Are we going to be making Jell-O? Intel said there would be cake! Is there going to be cake AND Jell-O???
Ugh! That's disgusting! But cool. I'm sure many people dream of... Wait. Would those chemicals be dangerous? I'd have to destroy the lab if they're dangerous! GRRRR!!! Oops, sorry. Maybe I should just back off for a while. But you don't deserve it!
Oh, wow. That sounds... interesting. Um, to be honest, I'd rather not touch any icky goo things. Just a personal opinion.
Didn't y'all ask this last question? Look, I already told you, miss Gladys, no goop is gonna get to me!
Would these chemicals be the same as those found in cake? I love cake. Can you tell? What kind of chemicals are in the cake to be served later?
Sorry if you don't believe the same as me, but I don't think it's nessecary to put people in danger recklessly!
Oh! Those would be space chemicals, right? Would they take me to space? Do you know how to get to space? Can you tell me? Huh?
(I'm almost hesitant to ask this one) How would you respond to Aperture Science being attacked by Black Mesa?
Simple. You take the square root of rope and use it to trip the men and others through the wall and back to Black Mesa.
Black Mesa? Like... Black Hole? Black holes are found in space, didja know? I'd go over to them and have them take me to space. I just gotta go to space, lady. I wanna go to space.
I would find out what was causing the issue between Aperture Science and Black Mesa, and try to solve it. If the problem couldn't be solved, I would alert the authorities and have them remove the Black Mesa workers from the premises.
I would offer the workers cake. Cake is really good for the soul. It calms people down, gives them something to work for... mmm. Cake.
Black Mesa? Who's that? Oh, WHAT is THAT? That's a nice vase, lady. It's got all these flower patterns, and--
SMASH -- ... Oops. Sorry, lady.
Well, uh, I guess I'd get all the Aperture people to evacuate the building, and, um... Was that the right answer? Sorry. I'm not really sure, um... Get the Black Mesa guys out?
I would take upon myself the act of placing all of the workers underwater. Humans can survive underwater, but not for very long.
I'd round 'em up with a rope and some flashy lights, and they'd all go a' running! They'd never come 'round here again, ha ha!
...And what if we decided to attack Black Mesa?
I'd go in there, shoutin', "Hey, you all better get out here, or else ol' Rick's gonna come in after you!" And they'd all run away, and we'd be heroes! Ah, can't ya just see it, Gladys?
Well, I'd be the first and foremost to say that I wouldn't approve of it. Just because it's a rival business doesn't mean that they don't have families themselves! You know, miss Gladys, you're not a very good person.
Listen, lady, I'm REALLY sorry about the vase. Oh, what's that one? Did you fix it? No, it's still over there. Is that another one? Can you teach me how to do that, Gladys lady?
Uuuuuhh... I'd... get a gun? I'd think, um, that a gun would be useful in that situation. ...No? Wrong answer? Sorry, um, Gladys, was it? Uh... Let me think for a bit.
I would place a powerful bomb inside a cake, and I would then deliver it to Black Mesa. Then, I would watch the fireworks from Aperture Science, while eating cake. Is that good enough for you, Gladys?
Oooh! Oooh! Ooooh! Does this question have anything to do with space? Can we go now? Come on, Gladys!
Although a daunting task, I would ally myself with the Dutch forces and force Black Mesa to surrender by allowing the Dutch to kidnap all of their children. Oh, and I feel somehow forced to call you Gladys.
I'd get angry, I guess. Because sometimes, when I get angry, I'm like the hulk, you know? Except I don't have real super strength or anything. HOWEVER, I CAN BREAK THEIR EARDRUMS! HEH HEH... heh... heh... Sorry, lost myself for a bit there. Again. Sorry, Gladys.
For god's sakes, it's GLaDOS! ...That's good enough for me. Time to move on with the results.
Oh, really? Uh, I'm not going to get the job, am I? That's why I'm here, right? Oh, I think I've forgotten. Where's my pen?
Finally! Time to see what I sum up to, eh, miss Gladys?
Oh, sorry, Glad-awhs. I hope to NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN! Oops.
May Thor and his double goats pull the sun forevermore.
I can't really say that I enjoyed this, but thank you for the experience. Have a nice day!
Oh, the test is over. Time for cake.
I LOVE SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!
Oh, that's so cool! Who are you again? Do you have any more questions? I'm bored.